How to deal with leaving kids behind?

[DrinkyCrow]

The only thing that makes me cry when i think about dying is the fact im having a kid (6), that basically doesn't know i exist anymore and doesn't live with me, so it's not like she's loosing me. It's a complicated long story, wasn't my fault i did everything to be a good parent, but she lives with my mom since 4 years and she doesn't allow me contact with her and i left the town shortly after that whole shit went down.

So, i don't have any concerns who's gonna care about her or anything, but there will be a time when shes gonna ask about me or wants to get in contact or anything.

So first of all, how to cope with the fact I'm not gonna see her growing up (like, not even from afar, i see pics/vids and updates everyday tho) and she never will get the whole story, cuz I'm pretty sure my family will tell her some bullshit. But not like bullshit that makes her feel good or anything, but just stuff that make me look like the worst person ever.

I cannot change that stuff, I'm aware of that. But how can I cope with that stuff? I made my peace with everything else already, that's the last thing giving me doubts. I really really love my kid and miss her everyday, and the thought im not gonna be there when i have the chance to be there again at some point.... It's rough.

 

[Jezzibell]

Is there any chance of being with your child again? Could you fight for her legally? If not then when you leave you might record a video giving your explanation. Leave it with someone you trust to give it to her later on in life. Make absolutely sure that your narrative will be told truthfully, from your words. Families are very good at poisoning. The one conciliation is that you don't have to worry about her being lived and cared for. My heart goes out to you xxxxxx

 

[Depression]

This is my thing. I'm hurting a lot. Wanting to CTB. But I have 3 kids. I know they will be well taken care of with their mom. But I still worry for them once I'm gone.

 

[DrinkyCrow]

Is there any chance of being with your child again? Could you fight for her legally? If not then when you leave you might record a video giving your explanation. Leave it with someone you trust to give it to her later on in life. Make absolutely sure that your narrative will be told truthfully, from your words. Families are very good at poisoning. The one conciliation is that you don't have to worry about her being lived and cared for. My heart goes out to you xxxxxx

Not really, and tbh i don't see how I would be of much value in her life anyway. I took good care of her when i did, but right now I can't even take proper care of myself and doubt i will ever do.
She did alright without me so far, more than that, she definitely has a life now that i couldn't provide for her. I'm poor as fuck with no education basically and my family is rich, she lives a couple hundred kilometers away, has all of her social life there and i definitely couldn't life there anymore for a multitude of reasons.

The video thing is a good idea, i even have someone who I'm pretty sure would do that, that lives close and stuff. Thank you a lot for that, that's definitely some closure for me and also her.

This is my thing. I'm hurting a lot. Wanting to CTB. But I have 3 kids. I know they will be well taken care of with their mom. But I still worry for them once I'm gone.

I feel you, but your kids definitely also have each other, what ever comes. Like, i don't really know what it is too have siblings, but i always imagined it would be kinda nice. You know, to have someone especially in situations like that, someone who goes through the same stuff and understands you somewhat. Maybe that thought can help you with finding peace a bit easier, if you really wanna go.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

It's a lovely idea to leave a video. I am leaving a series of notes, they will last 5 years, each birthday and Christmas he will get a note telling him how proud I am and how much I love him. I don't want him to feel that he wasn't enough to make me stay. I'm hoping that words will sink in eventually and if not now, they might lif he has his own child one day. I was ready to go years ago, he has a great relationship with his Dad so I thought he would be ok. Then he told me he was gay (as if I didn't know). His Dad reacted badly so I was going nowhere. It's all good now, Dad has gone from 'she isn't good enough for you' to 'he isn't good enough for you', so all is well.
Could you leave letters? If you don't trust your family, leave them with a social worker. When she is old enough to question everything, she will at least have answers. Knowing you loved her could make all the difference to the person she becomes.

 

[Linda]

I agree completely with the previous poster. If you do ctb, you could leave her a letter, or video, or something of that sort. If you can explain why you are choosing to go, in your own words, it may help her in the future. At the very least, she will know that you cared enough about her to make the effort.

 

[DrinkyCrow]

Asked a friend yesterday and she agreed to keep the video and give it to her "in case something happens to me, and i can't explain everything in person", even without her getting suspicious. She was just like "sure, no problem! I would do the same."

Could you leave letters? If you don't trust your family, leave them with a social worker. When she is old enough to question everything, she will at least have answers. Knowing you loved her could make all the difference to the person she becomes.

Great idea, probably also gonna do that as a Plan B, in case Plan A won't reach her for whatever reason.

Thank y'all for the wonderful ideas