T
tiredone
Tired one
- Dec 12, 2022
- 199
I am constantly fighting with myself about when and how to ctb. I have 2 kids - teenage and 10yo, and a partner (who lost dad to ctb). I constantly feel like ending myself but what keeps me going is how badly i will hurt them. I cannot leave and go to hotel or for a trip as i baerly leave home, so they would freak out and try to locate me. I should get SN soon, but dont have any meds to go with it (only propranolol). Considering NN but very little luck or time to practice with it. Dont know what to do and i am lost with all this.
I am miserable, sad, angry and feel so broken and torn inside. I am begging whatever forces there are in the universe to let me not wake up everyday, but as we know this does not work. Its more of a vent than help post i guess. I am just tired of myself and living in constant anxiety and depression, not knowing what to do while being totally overwhelemed whenever i try to think what to do and change in my life.
I would appreciate any ideas how to ctb with minimal damage to them. I know its almost impossible, but even thinking about it makes me want to ctb and just be gone. I am worried that because of them i might not go through with it leaving me in this limbo of internal suffering, which is occasionally broken by my younger one - in these small moments i feel the love and it hurts even more because of it (if that makes sense). Teenager has moments too but they are different and i am worried she might follow with ctb after me. Its a effed up situation and i dont know what to do. I just feel like crawling inside myself and dissappearing into void.
I am miserable, sad, angry and feel so broken and torn inside. I am begging whatever forces there are in the universe to let me not wake up everyday, but as we know this does not work. Its more of a vent than help post i guess. I am just tired of myself and living in constant anxiety and depression, not knowing what to do while being totally overwhelemed whenever i try to think what to do and change in my life.
I would appreciate any ideas how to ctb with minimal damage to them. I know its almost impossible, but even thinking about it makes me want to ctb and just be gone. I am worried that because of them i might not go through with it leaving me in this limbo of internal suffering, which is occasionally broken by my younger one - in these small moments i feel the love and it hurts even more because of it (if that makes sense). Teenager has moments too but they are different and i am worried she might follow with ctb after me. Its a effed up situation and i dont know what to do. I just feel like crawling inside myself and dissappearing into void.