Venting How to cope with the idea of being trapped in existence until natural death?

[ijustwishtodie]

I know that many people here aren't trapped in existence permanently as they can access a suicide method but, for the rare few people on this site who can't access a suicide method at all no matter what (such as me), what exactly can I do to cope about it? What should I do in general? I hate at how I'm trapped in existence and all it makes me want to do is cry. I don't want to survive until natural death, I just don't. I just want to escape existence as early as possible. My only barrier to suicide is the fact that I can't access any method at all, not even the painful ones. I have no attachment to life so reasons for living like caring about loved ones or any other random human addiction doesn't apply to me. I'm only alive because of lack of availability of any suicide method.

Perhaps there isn't any way for me to cope and perhaps I'm just subjected to suffer until death is nice enough to me to kill me off naturally but how I do cope with this realisation? What do I do? It all hurts so fucking much

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Idk what you can actually do if you cannot access anything. All I can say is that it's so incredibly inhumane to restrict peaceful methods at all to make it impossible to leave existence in this world. Humans treat animals in a better way than they treat other humans. No animal (under human control) has to suffer that much if their life is torture to them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I certainly feel stuck here for the time being because, I'm not willing to put my Dad through the experience of me CTB. For now, it's a case of making life as bearable as I can get it. So for me, that does mean working because, if I don't have a job, my parents, my family will make me feel like shit and- that seems worse. I'm doing all I can to keep my creative job because- that's better than wage slavery in retail. For me, it's been trying to find the lesser of the evils. Plus, putting up with some evils- like exercise because I'm older now and I know, if I don't do them, I'll feel even worse.

Have you ever talked to your parents and told them you are struggling? Are you 100% sure their response will make things worse? I think that's probably what I'd do in your shoes. Try to get at least some of the pressure lifted from you. In my experience, people get more pissed off if you fail after not revealing how hard you were finding things. Ultimately, they find out either way if things go horribly wrong. If you tell them now, it's less of a shock. They may actually surprise you and be understanding/ supportive. Obviously- you probably wouldn't let them know the extent of it. Still- you know them best so, maybe they could in fact make it worse.

I don't know your situation completely. Is there any likelihood you'll ever be able to be independent from them? In which case, not now but in future, you may have access to more options. In which case, awful as it is, maybe you work towards that. Again- the lesser of the evils. Work or whatever a few years to become more independent or, hold on for decades for natural death. Sometimes, it does have to be picking something you don't like to avoid something even worse. I feel like life has so much of that in it!

 

[chester]

This might be a truism, but have a think about if there's anything you can do to feel less miserable. I'm not talking about major life changes, but about the tiniest things that may help you forget for a moment, something you might even enjoy or that could bring you some sort of satisfaction. I'm not saying it will fix your problems, but it's a start.

I'm sure you'll call me a normie for having a 9 to 5 corporate job, nonetheless it helps me to get busy with tasks that require some thinking. It doesn't make my life worth living, but it's just something to do with the time. I'm not saying to look for any deeper meaning, I think we agree there isn't any, at least in the objective sense. All I'm saying is if you know you're stuck where you are, it might be easier if you find a way to make it less boring, at least until your situation changes.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I certainly feel stuck here for the time being because, I'm not willing to put my Dad through the experience of me CTB. For now, it's a case of making life as bearable as I can get it. So for me, that does mean working because, if I don't have a job, my parents, my family will make me feel like shit and- that seems worse. I'm doing all I can to keep my creative job because- that's better than wage slavery in retail. For me, it's been trying to find the lesser of the evils. Plus, putting up with some evils- like exercise because I'm older now and I know, if I don't do them, I'll feel even worse.

Have you ever talked to your parents and told them you are struggling? Are you 100% sure their response will make things worse? I think that's probably what I'd do in your shoes. Try to get at least some of the pressure lifted from you. In my experience, people get more pissed off if you fail after not revealing how hard you were finding things. Ultimately, they find out either way if things go horribly wrong. If you tell them now, it's less of a shock. They may actually surprise you and be understanding/ supportive. Obviously- you probably wouldn't let them know the extent of it. Still- you know them best so, maybe they could in fact make it worse.

I don't know your situation completely. Is there any likelihood you'll ever be able to be independent from them? In which case, not now but in future, you may have access to more options. In which case, awful as it is, maybe you work towards that. Again- the lesser of the evils. Work or whatever a few years to become more independent or, hold on for decades for natural death. Sometimes, it does have to be picking something you don't like to avoid something even worse. I feel like life has so much of that in it!

In my case, there isn't really a "lesser of evils" path that I can take since all aspects of life is equally evil to me. Working doesn't make life bearable for me at all, it instead makes it far, far worse. A lot of my suffering is caused by the inherent demands of life and how I'm unable to deal with it all. Also, yes, I'm 100% sure my parents will make things worse for me if I were to tell them the truth. I know what they are like and I know that they won't be sympathetic at all as they want me to go through the challenges of life as it is. And, no, I won't ever be independent in the future or at any time because of my neurotype.

This might be a truism, but have a think about if there's anything you can do to feel less miserable. I'm not talking about major life changes, but about the tiniest things that may help you forget for a moment, something you might even enjoy or that could bring you some sort of satisfaction. I'm not saying it will fix your problems, but it's a start.

I'm sure you'll call me a normie for having a 9 to 5 corporate job, nonetheless it helps me to get busy with tasks that require some thinking. It doesn't make my life worth living, but it's just something to do with the time. I'm not saying to look for any deeper meaning, I think we agree there isn't any, at least in the objective sense. All I'm saying is if you know you're stuck where you are, it might be easier if you find a way to make it less boring, at least until your situation changes.

There is no tiny thing that works on me. Nothing works on me and probably never will. Also, working would make things worse for me because of how demanding it is. One of my reasons for wanting to be dead is to avoid work because I'm just not meant for it nor do I want to do it. I'm getting increasingly terrified of having to do things against my will such as having to work

 

[chester]

working would make things worse for me because of how demanding it is. One of my reasons for wanting to be dead is to avoid work because I'm just not meant for it nor do I want to do it. I'm getting increasingly terrified of having to do things against my will such as having to work

I didn't mean that work would be something for you to do, I just used it as an example of something that keeps me busy. I admit though, that it helps that I have no choice in the matter, because nobody's going to pay my bills for me.

You're asking how to cope with having to live, then my answer is you need something to do. Nobody here is going to know what would work best for you, it's for you to find out. Being idle can really mess you up. I was quite close to killing myself recently. The realization that I can't do it made me furious. If I'm supposed live though, at least for some time, then I can't just do nothing. I started finding things around me which needed to be done. I still feel like shit and wish I was dead, but at least I have less stuff bothering me. And I keep on doing it. It doesn't fix my main problem in the slightest, but at least some aspects in life are no longer a problem. Life is shit, but the least I can do until I die is make some effort to make sure it's no worse than it absolutely needs to be.

I don't know how much of it would apply to you, my intention is not to tell you you're wrong, because I don't know your situation well. I'm just hoping you might find some of it useful.

 

[Jenny 1234]

Idk what you can actually do if you cannot access anything. All I can say is that it's so incredibly inhumane to restrict peaceful methods at all to make it impossible to leave existence in this world. Humans treat animals in a better way than they treat other humans. No animal (under human control) has to suffer that much if their life is torture to them.

Animals in laboratories and farms have to suffer so badly they probably wis they were dead as well

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Animals in laboratories and farms have to suffer so badly they probably wis they were dead as well

I agree with that. But evolution in inevitably connected to destruction and suffering - and animals in farms are a result in order to keep the billions of humans alive with food - just imagine if all humans still would go hunting in the forests - well we would have extinct ourselves by now. Destruction and suffering seems to be a law in this universe. It's a really complex matter.

In regards of choosing death whenever we want we humans have peaceful methods but their accessibility is restricted by governments.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I didn't mean that work would be something for you to do, I just used it as an example of something that keeps me busy. I admit though, that it helps that I have no choice in the matter, because nobody's going to pay my bills for me.

You're asking how to cope with having to live, then my answer is you need something to do. Nobody here is going to know what would work best for you, it's for you to find out. Being idle can really mess you up. I was quite close to killing myself recently. The realization that I can't do it made me furious. If I'm supposed live though, at least for some time, then I can't just do nothing. I started finding things around me which needed to be done. I still feel like shit and wish I was dead, but at least I have less stuff bothering me. And I keep on doing it. It doesn't fix my main problem in the slightest, but at least some aspects in life are no longer a problem. Life is shit, but the least I can do until I die is make some effort to make sure it's no worse than it absolutely needs to be.

I don't know how much of it would apply to you, my intention is not to tell you you're wrong, because I don't know your situation well. I'm just hoping you might find some of it useful.

Being idle permanently sounds ideal to me honestly. I hate having to do things

 

[Romanticize]

I dont understand when people say "I dont have access to any method, even the painful ones".

I get u cant get N or prescription drugs, maybe SN too, but hey there are cars, trucks driving in your area arent they? Dont you have high buildings in your area? Bridges? Train tracks or metro? Hell, for hanging only a rope is needed, you dont have to use a sophisticated anchor, people did that in prison or psych ward (where their access is REALLY limited) using bedsheets and a doorknob for example.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I dont understand when people say "I dont have access to any method, even the painful ones".

I get u cant get N or prescription drugs, maybe SN too, but hey there are cars, trucks driving in your area arent they? Dont you have high buildings in your area? Bridges? Train tracks or metro? Hell, for hanging only a rope is needed, you dont have to use a sophisticated anchor, people did that in prison or psych ward (where their access is REALLY limited) using bedsheets and a doorknob for example.

I don't really consider walking into a random car or truck to be a suicide method since they drive slow and would just cause permanent damage rather than death. And, no, whilst there are high buildings around me, I can't really get on top of them late at night. As for hanging, I can't do that either because my autistic brain is incapable of understanding how to tie knots. No matter how hard I try to learn how to tie knots, I just can't do it. There genuinely isn't anything that I can do. Just like how you don't understand what I said, I similarly can't understand those who assume that everybody has access to a suicide method of some sort. Even those on here seem to have that same assumption and it honestly hurts a lot to see it on here