how to cope with leaving your family

[inyun]

my single mother and older sister have sacrificed so much to give me a good life... how do i cope with the guilt of wanting to CTB? i go to a t10 university in new york, have a generous monthly allowance, good social life, and plenty of good/happy memories... just an overall happy life from an outside perspective. but i've been struggling with depression and anxiety for over 8 years. i've cycled through many therapists and medications but nothing seems to change. i feel like i'm always on the search for something and, at this point, i feel more attached to the idea of yearning than the end result itself. i'm tired of life and i can't imagine a future where i'm happy. i've been actively thinking of CTB for years now but i couldn't bear the idea of hurting my family. they've done so much for me to succeed and live a long, happy life. i don't want them to view my actions as something they're at fault for. the last thing i'd ever want is for them to blame themselves or feel like they should've done more for me. i'm beyond grateful for my family but i'm so incredibly tired of feeling empty.

how do you deal with this? i've been putting off CTB for this one reason but i don't think i can wait much longer. for those who have come to terms with this, what changed your outlook?

 

[debzzzz]

Write, try to write as much as possible your thoughts, how do you feel, about how you see your family, etc.
Also I don't think they will fault themselves, you said it yourself, you been suffering with you mental healt, I'm sure they will undertand if you decide to write a end note.
But yeah maybe one thing they will possibly fault for is that they couldn't help you, etc, it's something that comes in a lot of family like yours.

I hope you get better or get the courage to finally ctb, hugz!

 

[itsalittlecold]

my single mother and older sister have sacrificed so much to give me a good life... how do i cope with the guilt of wanting to CTB? i go to a t10 university in new york, have a generous monthly allowance, good social life, and plenty of good/happy memories... just an overall happy life from an outside perspective. but i've been struggling with depression and anxiety for over 8 years. i've cycled through many therapists and medications but nothing seems to change. i feel like i'm always on the search for something and, at this point, i feel more attached to the idea of yearning than the end result itself. i'm tired of life and i can't imagine a future where i'm happy. i've been actively thinking of CTB for years now but i couldn't bear the idea of hurting my family. they've done so much for me to succeed and live a long, happy life. i don't want them to view my actions as something they're at fault for. the last thing i'd ever want is for them to blame themselves or feel like they should've done more for me. i'm beyond grateful for my family but i'm so incredibly tired of feeling empty.

how do you deal with this? i've been putting off CTB for this one reason but i don't think i can wait much longer. for those who have come to terms with this, what changed your outlook?

This is something that plagued me for years too. My main goal was to make sure they knew there was nothing they could do and there was no way they could blame themselves, then I focused on/still am on ensuring they know it isn't an impulsive decision and it's something that I really wanted. My sister has told me she found comfort in knowing should the time come, it wasn't impulsive.

Still, the thought of the pain there going to feel, hurts me. I just wish I could do it and they didn't even shed a tear

 

[Landslide84]

This is exactly why I'm planning to wait until my parents have both passed before I CTB, especially as I'm an only child. I'm not particularly close to any of my extended family so hopefully once my parents have passed (which will most likely be in the next 10-15 years given their ages and family histories) I'll be able to go through with it without causing anyone any particular grief.

The way I look on it though is that it gives me more time to prepare and research so that when the time comes I'll be able to make an informed decision rather than acting on impulse and there'll be much less risk of botching or bottling it.