B
Bleak
Student
- Nov 10, 2021
- 178
When we were driving home today I heard a song that used to bring tears to my eyes when I was little. I felt the urge to cry again, but these days I have a persistent inner voice that disparages my sentimentality and feelings. I thought, "What good are your tears when you don't even do anything to help anybody? Your bleeding heart is pure self indulgence." Part of me feels like this accusation is nasty and unjust, part of me feels like it is true and must be said.
I really hate this cynicism and the way it makes me distrust any good impulse I might have, and of course distrust others as well. It is the source of much of the mean judgments I make of people. How do I get rid of it? I have a vague idea of how I acquired it, over the course of many years. But I have no clue how to stop being this way. Has anyone here managed to soften their petrified heart?
I read this passage last year which I'd like to share:
I really hate this cynicism and the way it makes me distrust any good impulse I might have, and of course distrust others as well. It is the source of much of the mean judgments I make of people. How do I get rid of it? I have a vague idea of how I acquired it, over the course of many years. But I have no clue how to stop being this way. Has anyone here managed to soften their petrified heart?
I read this passage last year which I'd like to share:
"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before — more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle." - Charles Dickens