Venting How to accept reality and consequences?

[Anonymous1997ES]

Note: I understand that people don't owe me anything, and they have the right of not forgiving me or wanting to move on despite everything, as that is a fitting punishment for me.

Something that I've struggled to accept are the consequences of being depressed... About how I abandoned some friends by drifting away from them, by not talking to them or going to visit them, even if I was feeling bad, that wasn't an excuse, as I still talked to some close friends despite everything, why couldn't I do it towards more people?!

I think... I may have waited too long, or didn't talk when I needed to do it until it was too late, or said the wrong thing to while trying to fix things...

Managed to get enough strength to apologize to those I disappointed/failed, and once again I know they don't have to forgive me if they don't want to but... How could I get enough strength to accept reality and move on?

While there are some people I truly want to regain our bond again... I find it difficult, because they're either friends with people I don't get along with, or my annoying way of being probably pissed them off or made them uncomfortable so they decided to put boundaries and I have to respect that if I ever truly was their friend...

I'm about to graduate from college in a year... And aside from an old friend from there I ended up reconnecting from a failed career, I'm not truly close to anyone in my current college career beyond being classmates/acquaintances, and ended up losing two friends there in a very horrible way that nearly tore me apart, and now we're enemies...

It's true that it might not be my fault or they made decisions based on something else but... How am I supposed to become a good psychologist if I can't even understand my own emotions, and I only have one more year to sort everything up? I don't want to be useless or fail my family, what good would've been studying a career if I can't even work properly there?

I don't know how to socialize, and I'm dreading to return back to normal classes, as I would probably end up embarrasing myself by my poor social skills and social awkwardness...

Honestly I'm lucky to still have friends left, and while I'm happy we're still together, I think I should've at least told some people that I wasn't feeling good as a minimum token of consideration... Why was I so cowardly and selfish?! Guess that's why I've lost at least 95% of the bonds I had with people I used to call friends... I may be just too childish, immature and annoying...

Don't want to offend anyone but, I would trade the "intelligence" many people older than me have told me I own in my life in exchange for proper social skills and emotional intelligence/maturity...

 

[Pluto]

It's important to understand that not everyone has the same skill sets. There are groups and resources to help people for whom social skills do not come naturally. You will need to be open to being given support in order to move forward. You may find online resources for boosting social confidence, or you may find that you benefit from connecting with others who share your interests via meetup groups or similar.

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

It's important to understand that not everyone has the same skill sets. There are groups and resources to help people for whom social skills do not come naturally. You will need to be open to being given support in order to move forward. You may find online resources for boosting social confidence, or you may find that you benefit from connecting with others who share your interests via meetup groups or similar.

I guess you're right... But I still don't understand why so many friendships I had ended up burned apart... Remembered my past, and there were so many people I ended up failing or disappointing, even while trying to not make anyone uncomfortable... In some cases I was responsible but, not in all of them...

 

[The Lonely]

As I see you are in a nice track since your realizing this now and not at your forty's…

I relate to everything you mentioned and got diagnosed Asperger only at old age…. So now I'm all alone and there's nothing left to do.

I think they don't teach to much about autism in university… just do some research on line …do some tests and discover if by any chance you can be in the spectrum… and if it is just correct your behavior/strategy… whatever…

Sending hugs! :)

 

[CatTheBus5689]

People will leave your life, that's just a fact of life. You said you let yourself drift away but isn't that also true of the other person? If they aren't willing to reconnect after the fact then that probably means your constant efforts were the only thing holding that bridge together.

In that case the bridge would collapse eventually. You
understand that you could have done things different, you could have tried harder and things could have been better if you did. But that also applies to the other person.

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

As I see you are in a nice track since your realizing this now and not at your forty's…

I relate to everything you mentioned and got diagnosed Asperger only at old age…. So now I'm all alone and there's nothing left to do.

I think they don't teach to much about autism in university… just do some research on line …do some tests and discover if by any chance you can be in the spectrum… and if it is just correct your behavior/strategy… whatever…

Sending hugs! :)

Sorry to hear that happened to you... u_u

Don't give up on making connections, I know it's difficult but, I think we could be able to do so if we train social skills, I hope you can do it n.n/

Thought I had it but, after a brain scan it turns out I'm neurotypical as far as I know.

Please take care! :D

People will leave your life, that's just a fact of life. You said you let yourself drift away but isn't that also true of the other person? If they aren't willing to reconnect after the fact then that probably means your constant efforts were the only thing holding that bridge together.

In that case the bridge would collapse eventually. You
understand that you could have done things different, you could have tried harder and things could have been better if you did. But that also applies to the other person.

That's why I don't understand... I know people don't have to forgive me nor they owe me anything but, why does this always happens? Wish I could know...

Why am I not worthy for many people? Even someone telling me why they don't want to be friends would be more than enough but... Why things sometimes end in silent treatment or conflicts?

Please take care! :D

 

[CatTheBus5689]

Sorry to hear that happened to you... u_u

Don't give up on making connections, I know it's difficult but, I think we could be able to do so if we train social skills, I hope you can do it n.n/

Thought I had it but, after a brain scan it turns out I'm neurotypical as far as I know.

Please take care! :D


That's why I don't understand... I know people don't have to forgive me nor they owe me anything but, why does this always happens? Wish I could know...

Why am I not worthy for many people? Even someone telling me why they don't want to be friends would be more than enough but... Why things sometimes end in silent treatment or conflicts?

Please take care! :D

Some people may just not want to deal with you but not enough that they'd tell you outright and risk hurting your feelings hence the cold treatment.

But I believe it is mostly apathy. Some people are simply uninterested in investing friendship with you for one reason or another. They might already have friends, they might not have the energy, it may be prejudice or a bad first impression. The reality is most friendships are superficial at best, born from convinience of the situation or because one person doesn't need to do anything to maintain it.

A real close friendship is rather difficult to forge and it is basically trying to find a spouse minus the marriage and sex. It takes a long time to develop and the right person and even then there is no guarantee it will last. That's just how life is.

Nothing to it but to keep trying as long as you're up for it.

 

[goldenvirginia]

I know many people, I guess you could say they were friends. But the ones who really count, the ones who've stuck with me through food and bad, I can count on two fingers. True, deep bonds will come for you. Just don't count on casual acquaintances to be what they'll never be.

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

Some people may just not want to deal with you but not enough that they'd tell you outright and risk hurting your feelings hence the cold treatment.

But I believe it is mostly apathy. Some people are simply uninterested in investing friendship with you for one reason or another. They might already have friends, they might not have the energy, it may be prejudice or a bad first impression. The reality is most friendships are superficial at best, born from convinience of the situation or because one person doesn't need to do anything to maintain it.

A real close friendship is rather difficult to forge and it is basically trying to find a spouse minus the marriage and sex. It takes a long time to develop and the right person and even then there is no guarantee it will last. That's just how life is.

Nothing to it but to keep trying as long as you're up for it.

Guess you're right... Like they tolerate me or care about me a small bit, so they want to spare me any hurt by ignoring me... Wish they would tell me directly though, would be far better...

I know many people, I guess you could say they were friends. But the ones who really count, the ones who've stuck with me through food and bad, I can count on two fingers. True, deep bonds will come for you. Just don't count on casual acquaintances to be what they'll never be.

Sorry to hear that happened to you... Glad you still have those two friends, be sure to protect those bonds no matter what... Why do you think most people have many friends and others like us range from a few of them to none?

 

[goldenvirginia]

Guess you're right... Like they tolerate me or care about me a small bit, so they want to spare me any hurt by ignoring me... Wish they would tell me directly though, would be far better...

Sorry to hear that happened to you... Glad you still have those two friends, be sure to protect those bonds no matter what... Why do you think most people have many friends and others like us range from a few of them to none?

I think for me it was a choice. Keeping a guard up, as a form of self protection. If people don't get too close, then they're less likely to see my flaws.

 

[rosie93]

Note: I understand that people don't owe me anything, and they have the right of not forgiving me or wanting to move on despite everything, as that is a fitting punishment for me.

Something that I've struggled to accept are the consequences of being depressed... About how I abandoned some friends by drifting away from them, by not talking to them or going to visit them, even if I was feeling bad, that wasn't an excuse, as I still talked to some close friends despite everything, why couldn't I do it towards more people?!

I think... I may have waited too long, or didn't talk when I needed to do it until it was too late, or said the wrong thing to while trying to fix things...

Managed to get enough strength to apologize to those I disappointed/failed, and once again I know they don't have to forgive me if they don't want to but... How could I get enough strength to accept reality and move on?

While there are some people I truly want to regain our bond again... I find it difficult, because they're either friends with people I don't get along with, or my annoying way of being probably pissed them off or made them uncomfortable so they decided to put boundaries and I have to respect that if I ever truly was their friend...

I'm about to graduate from college in a year... And aside from an old friend from there I ended up reconnecting from a failed career, I'm not truly close to anyone in my current college career beyond being classmates/acquaintances, and ended up losing two friends there in a very horrible way that nearly tore me apart, and now we're enemies...

It's true that it might not be my fault or they made decisions based on something else but... How am I supposed to become a good psychologist if I can't even understand my own emotions, and I only have one more year to sort everything up? I don't want to be useless or fail my family, what good would've been studying a career if I can't even work properly there?

I don't know how to socialize, and I'm dreading to return back to normal classes, as I would probably end up embarrasing myself by my poor social skills and social awkwardness...

Honestly I'm lucky to still have friends left, and while I'm happy we're still together, I think I should've at least told some people that I wasn't feeling good as a minimum token of consideration... Why was I so cowardly and selfish?! Guess that's why I've lost at least 95% of the bonds I had with people I used to call friends... I may be just too childish, immature and annoying...

Don't want to offend anyone but, I would trade the "intelligence" many people older than me have told me I own in my life in exchange for proper social skills and emotional intelligence/maturity...

I had the same problem. I was either trying too much as a friend or not trying enough in fear of being abandoned. People let me down but I also let some of them drift away. I have severe borderline personality disorder.

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

I think for me it was a choice. Keeping a guard up, as a form of self protection. If people don't get too close, then they're less likely to see my flaws.

Agreed, the less closer we get to people, the less chances we have of getting fake hopes or things like that.

I had the same problem. I was either trying too much as a friend or not trying enough in fear of being abandoned. People let me down but I also let some of them drift away. I have severe borderline personality disorder.

Sorry to hear that... I guess we need to find balance in order to have bonds with others, hope your situation is better now.