Venting How the hell do you people get anything done

[VKVK]

Do you guys have any family? At all? I don't, except for my mother. And even then she's one of the most difficult people to have as 'family' I've ever seen...

Do you guys work? Do you like your work? What keeps you going throughout the day? What makes you convinced to get out of bed..

Do you study? Is it fulfilling? Is it alright/bearable? Do you have friends or close ones that help throughout the day/pain?

I feel so sad and lost. I don't have anyone. It's just pathetic to admit it, but I don't have anyone. And.. I don't think I ever did. I never knew what a functional family looked like. My father abandoned me, and mother never cared enough not to neglect me and treat me with proper respect. Deep down, in the end, I know all she cares about is results. Friends (or people) never stay, since I have trouble with trust, and my internal struggles in life and family (mother) are so difficult that it feels impossible to maintain anyone. Or anything for that matter.

I dropped out of uni some time ago. It wasn't related to covid, but my... (lack of) mental wellbeing. I just couldn't take it anymore, and I feel filthy, disgusting and sick because of it. Like I failed the one thing I was supposed to do in life, and my ticket to happiness. I (feel like I) was supposed to be out of here already, even if my depression and SI would eat away at my insides whether I'm here or any other place on this country or Earth. Ever since I've been home more and more, I've totally and utterly lost my mind (not like I hadn't before), and I don't really know what to do. I have interest in learning programming, but that colossal feeling of pointlessness, pain and sadness just outright feed on any true strength and (hope) motivation of me getting out of here, and/or even living a decent (content) life, something I don't think I'll be able to even if I'm (truly) able to live on my own without daydreaming of CTBing every hour/day or so. I just don't see any way that I could really live happily anymore. Sometimes I ask myself if this is just how it is, and I've already spent way too much time with SI to ever feel and function better. Mornings/waking up make me want to stab my stomach, that dreadful feeling of loneliness as the sun sets makes me mental, and I'm constantly daydreaming to Wonderland to cope ever since I've been a kid. I spend hours and hours flickering away, even when I'm doing something. Like my mind itself has given up on reality.

I've read enough on SS to know just how shitty the cards some of you have been dealt with are. It's not fair. And I don't even care that it's not fair, I just wanted the pain to go away. I want the pain away. Far away. But I can't do it. I've tried almost everything in the book, and my possibilities are coming to an end. Sometimes I wish the mental state I'm in today was entirely my fault, so it was easier to just suck it up and be done with, instead of coming back each time slower and stronger. I'm so tired, guys. I'm sorry for the rant, I'm plain aware just how much worse tons of you have here. I've just lost everything worthwhile in my life, that's all. And I don't even know what I had in the first place before such events... Ignorance, maybe. I miss being ignorant about things and about myself, oblivious to all my own suffering, just going along and going along. If only I had been strong enough to make it a bit further, who knows where I might be today. But it's like how my family showed me when I was little: I'm weak, and I always fail.

Thank you for reading if you did, and sorry for everything.

 

[byebyeburdee]

This is so very relatable. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find little things to give you some pleasure in the meantime. If your school and mom aren't doing it for you, don't feel guilty for not investing in them. If there are things that do make you feel better about having to deal with reality, even if they seem small or even worthless, focus on those things whenever you can. CTB or miss the bus, you deserve to feel moments of lightness and wellbeing. <3

 

[KTbear]

So sorry to hear this. I hope things improve for you. To answer your questions, I do work and the motivation for getting out of bed and getting things done is stress/anxiety about not being good at work. On weekends I either don't get out of bed much at all, or work compulsively depending on my state of mind.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I wonder the same thing. I can barely function and barely get out of bed. And suicide is on my mind nearly 24/7. Nothing can be a distraction, I just simultaneously think about suicide whenever I'm doing anything

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I don't get anything done

 

[4eyebiped]

I don't work or get anything done these days. I am highly neglectful of all things around me. My business has crumbled and I am simply waiting to expire. I have a friend that does stuff for me. They shop and take care of a lot around here. How I currently live is beyond shameful and my existence is embarrassing. I could never repay my friend for what all they do and they shouldn't do what they do. It bothers me that they assist because it shows how pathetic I am. I do not have a good excuse for being in the situation I am in. Completely inexcusable.

 

[xLosthopex]

I live with my parents and 2 dogs, my parents are great but me being so mentally and physically ill(anorexia, ocd, bpd, depression, autism) has definitely put a strain on the relationship and caused them so much trouble and pain
I dropped out of law in university(due to my illnesses) and now work as an exotic dancer(yet another way I'm the family disappointment lol) because the money is very good and it's a lot shorter hours and less stress than a 'normal' 9-5 job

 

[Snake of Eden]

I am as low functioning as it gets. I depend on my parents for everything which sucks but i wish it could be another way. I tried to make it work but I am too broken mentally and physically. I am not looking forward to spend the rest of my life like this but do I have a choice really other than ctb

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Do you guys have any family? At all? I don't, except for my mother. And even then she's one of the most difficult people to have as 'family' I've ever seen...

Do you guys work? Do you like your work? What keeps you going throughout the day? What makes you convinced to get out of bed..

Do you study? Is it fulfilling? Is it alright/bearable? Do you have friends or close ones that help throughout the day/pain?

I feel so sad and lost. I don't have anyone. It's just pathetic to admit it, but I don't have anyone. And.. I don't think I ever did. I never knew what a functional family looked like. My father abandoned me, and mother never cared enough not to neglect me and treat me with proper respect. Deep down, in the end, I know all she cares about is results. Friends (or people) never stay, since I have trouble with trust, and my internal struggles in life and family (mother) are so difficult that it feels impossible to maintain anyone. Or anything for that matter.

I dropped out of uni some time ago. It wasn't related to covid, but my... (lack of) mental wellbeing. I just couldn't take it anymore, and I feel filthy, disgusting and sick because of it. Like I failed the one thing I was supposed to do in life, and my ticket to happiness. I (feel like I) was supposed to be out of here already, even if my depression and SI would eat away at my insides whether I'm here or any other place on this country or Earth. Ever since I've been home more and more, I've totally and utterly lost my mind (not like I hadn't before), and I don't really know what to do. I have interest in learning programming, but that colossal feeling of pointlessness, pain and sadness just outright feed on any true strength and (hope) motivation of me getting out of here, and/or even living a decent (content) life, something I don't think I'll be able to even if I'm (truly) able to live on my own without daydreaming of CTBing every hour/day or so. I just don't see any way that I could really live happily anymore. Sometimes I ask myself if this is just how it is, and I've already spent way too much time with SI to ever feel and function better. Mornings/waking up make me want to stab my stomach, that dreadful feeling of loneliness as the sun sets makes me mental, and I'm constantly daydreaming to Wonderland to cope ever since I've been a kid. I spend hours and hours flickering away, even when I'm doing something. Like my mind itself has given up on reality.

I've read enough on SS to know just how shitty the cards some of you have been dealt with are. It's not fair. And I don't even care that it's not fair, I just wanted the pain to go away. I want the pain away. Far away. But I can't do it. I've tried almost everything in the book, and my possibilities are coming to an end. Sometimes I wish the mental state I'm in today was entirely my fault, so it was easier to just suck it up and be done with, instead of coming back each time slower and stronger. I'm so tired, guys. I'm sorry for the rant, I'm plain aware just how much worse tons of you have here. I've just lost everything worthwhile in my life, that's all. And I don't even know what I had in the first place before such events... Ignorance, maybe. I miss being ignorant about things and about myself, oblivious to all my own suffering, just going along and going along. If only I had been strong enough to make it a bit further, who knows where I might be today. But it's like how my family showed me when I was little: I'm weak, and I always fail.

Thank you for reading if you did, and sorry for everything.

Really sorry that you're feeling this way. Nice to meet you. I'm a 2009 drop-out, who's living with and off of my poor mother. With no job, no perspectives, no valuable skills under her belt, but without any health issues, with only one good motivation is to kms. It's dull and boring and painful to lead such life. That's why I've chosen to end it soon.
I'm sorry. I guess that's not the answer you were looking for…….
People find themselves all kinda hobbies and suchlike and try their damn hardest to distract themselves from pain and suffering and suicidal ideation.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

This is relatable. It takes a miracle for me to get anything done. +low mood rn from second guessing myself.

 

[Round Two]

I was forced to drop out at 16 and shipped off to a military academy to get my GED. I've never managed to keep a job more than a month due to mental illness. I just completely gave up on trying to hold one down...gosh, 10 or 11 years ago. Since then I've just been doing my best to play housewife. But, with everything wrong with me mentally, I haven't managed much in all that time. I also feel completely fucking worthless and a failure of a human being. I've not had any direction in...my entire life if I'm honest. I always did my best to measure up to my folk's expectations and failed at every turn. Eventually, I became the ultimate disappointment by transitioning. My mom never speaks to me anymore without spewing more hate than I can physically handle without getting sick. My dad...begrudgingly tolerates my presence once a year. In the last year I've gotten physically ill, too. I can't walk or stand much anymore. So...yeah. I'm basically a pointless meatbag that sucks up money, food, and pills. And time, can't forget time. Life is pain. Life is suffering.

It's also not a competition, though. Nothing I just said means I'm suffering more than you are, or that mine is any more valid. You're here just the same as I or anyone else is. This is your community and we're all in it together. You're not alone. We're all here, reaching out in whatever small way we can manage.

 

[Elegy]

I'm eating pizza. I'm getting "things done" by ordering pizza then eating it, and later shitting out the pepperoni bones. Also, I am often required to defend myself in both civil and criminal courts of law. Keeps me busy.
*edit: meant to type Anchovy bones. Not pepperoni

 

[Sanva]

I daydream all the time too, I'm barely even there. I've stopped doing any uni work, it's impossible to focus. No friends, no one to support me. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope you can find some support here, it helped me at least to know I wasn't the only one who feels this way. I wish you the best, no one should feel like this. I'm sorry for the way your family treated you.

 

[_Minsk]

I wonder this myself, its like going against the current, it used to be different..

 

[FuneralCry]

I have to force myself to do things, but most of the time I do not do much. It just feels wrong being alive. I have no future, being alive hurts me. I just wish it was easier to leave, it is a hopeless feeling waking up to the same empty existence. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. I know it is hard when you are tired of everything.