How sure are you that you want to CTB

[confuzedAF]

I've been thinking about suicide a lot but I know I suffer from mood swings, I'm not 100% either way but I feel like one bad night is all it takes. Does anyone else feel like this??

 

[asthedayends00]

Unfortunately I am 110% sure I'm doing it within 3 months

 

[John-Doe]

very sure, there hasn't been a day in 2024 where i felt like i wanted to change my mind. my uncertainty is more about when, not if

 

[x22]

I think there's impulsive suicidal ideation and prolonged suicidal ideation. When the raw emotion of any given stressor wears off and you think that suicide is genuinely the most practical option for you, you might go to a site like this

 

[pariah80]

100%. I don't see a future worth living for.

 

[whatever111]

I don't want to end things but with the multiple health conditions that have caused deterioration and no signs of a clear diagnosis or treatment i don't see any other option..the longer I'm here the more loss I experience.

 

[affirmatice]

I think I'm fairly certain. I'm quite a logical person - maybe that's a good and bad thing.

Bad because I can't just be hopelessly optimistic or feel good about myself. Good, maybe, because I understand my personal situation well and I understand how my life will most likely look in the future.

I've tried hard. In the last 5 years of severe depression, I've got the job of my dreams, the girl of my dreams, almost everything. Yet time and time again I find myself at square one.

At this point, I think CTB or don't CTB, both are admirable choices one can make. Choosing to be strong through your challenges, or choosing to take the liberty to leave your life. If I choose to CTB, I can leave knowing that I've tried my best - things went wrong in my life unfortunately, but I've tried my best, I know that and others can see that as well.

I don't want to end things but with the multiple health conditions that have caused deterioration and no signs of a clear diagnosis or treatment i don't see any other option..the longer I'm here the more loss I experience.

Feel very similarly.

Health problems are terrible, and I hate that I have to deal with them. It's not just a matter of being strong. They completely strip away your own life from you. It's caused me to look at life completely differently in the worse way. I can't imagine my life in 10 years or 20 years. Because it's not about who I'll be married to or how much money I'll make. It's whether or not my life will continue to be overshadowed by my health problems and whether or not it's gonna get any worse

 

[folly_]

i am giving myself a lot of time to change my mind even though ive felt certain that this is how id go out for years. ive been suicidal through the best and worst parts of my life

wish you the best

 

[We Are Angels]

I cannot see myself dying of old age. So 100% I guess.

 

[confuzedAF]

i am giving myself a lot of time to change my mind even though ive felt certain that this is how id go out for years. ive been suicidal through the best and worst parts of my life

wish you the best

I feel really similar, it's just inevitable now.

 

[divinemistress36]

90% but I dont have the guts yet

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Sure enough that I have all that I need to ctb at home and can do it anytime. Now I'm just enjoying my last months.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm 100% sure that I want to be dead. The only thing stopping me is that I can't access a suicide method. If I could and it's highly likely that I'd succeed with it, I'd escape this existence asap

 

[Forever Sleep]

I maybe 95% want out of my life. I 100% don't want to risk suicide but, there isn't another option. I wouldn't qualify for assisted suicide in my current state. I don't think I'm willing to hang around until life gets so bad that I do qualify.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I'm 100% sure I will kill myself . it's a battle inside my brain. but i will win the ultimate victory and kill myself to reach non-existence forever . non-existence forever when nothing can ever matter . nothing can matter if i don't exist as it was before i was born. there will be no pain not suffering not problems not bad memories because there can't be anything of that , nothing forever the ultimate bliss . permanent non-existence is the ultimate bliss because i'm out of this nightmare they call life for all time, whew i did it i'm out of this prison hell nightmare called life whew a thousand times! fuck everything.

of course non-existence forever will make me free forever , free of pain , of worries , from bad memories from problems from suffering from diseases, from becoming old i could go on 1000;s more pages .... it will be like before i was born

i would never want to keep risking extreme torture every day for no objective reason. and on top of that work 15 hours per day a job and chores to do lists for what reason? just to get old and suffer. can someone tell me why i have to work so hard to exist under threat of extreme torture for no objective reason? no one can convince me why i have to live another minute in this hell. nor why i should want to or want to do ANYTHING. nothing matters except avoiding unbearable pain , extreme suffering and extreme torture.

we all will die anyway. what will matter in 1000 years? in a trillion years? absolutely nothing that we do now will matter then . even the universe will expand into nothingness . 1 by one the stars will blink out forever . but they want me to believe me a bug a bag of 30 trillion cells a a peice of chemistry small animal a brain in a box will outlive the stars the universe how why ? there is only non-existence. nothing matters. only non-existence asap is what i want for me. this horror of me a brain in box a brain that can suffer long lasting constant unbearable pain is an abomination : they tell me "oh you can't leave that you have work and stay in horror" why not i choose to exit this horror

it's pretty obvious since the expansion of the universe will continue forever that eventually everything will be so dissipated that there will be nothing forever . atoms , protons even black holes also decay .

another thing not too many people have ever heard of is that 94%-97% of the universe is already forever unreachable the universe is expanding so fast

Future of an expanding universe - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Current observations suggest that the expansion of the universe will continue forever. The prevailing theory is that the universe will cool as it expands, eventually becoming too cold to sustain life. For this reason, this future scenario once popularly called "Heat Death" is now known as the "Big Chill" or "Big Freeze"

How quickly is the Universe disappearing from our reach?

Because of dark energy, distant objects speed away from us faster and faster as time goes on. How long before every galaxy is out of reach?

bigthink.com

97% of the observable universe is forever unreachable

The other day, I was reading a post by Ethan Siegel on his excellent blog, Starts With a Bang, about whether it makes sense to consider the universe to be a giant brain. (The short answer is no, b…

selfawarepatterns.com

i'm glad the universe will die and the curse of DNA based life which has tortured so many sentient animals including tortured bilions of humans will never rise again

 

[AboutTom]

Ik I'll do it eventually. Not sure if that's in 3 days but it may be. Might be few years tho, you never know. But I'm 100% sure that eventually, that I'm not making it to 2030 that's all I'm sure of. Im just waiting for that last push, be it personal events in my life or something like WW3, with the next push I'm going, anticipating that it would come in 3 days, but if it won't be enough, then I'll wait for the next one. One of them will be enough.

 

[skatergirl]

I think there's impulsive suicidal ideation and prolonged suicidal ideation. When the raw emotion of any given stressor wears off and you think that suicide is genuinely the most practical option for you, you might go to a site like this

What's your method of ctb

 

[ihavebeendone]

I've been 100% sure for about a year now, it's just a matter of choosing a method and making a plan. I still live with my family and my mom has access to my bank account so ordering anything is risky and I gotta figure out a place and time. But I will definitely do it. Somehow, making a firm decision that I'll do it gives me a certain kind of peace, knowing I'll get out before long and I don't have to worry about any long-term stuff in my life anymore.

 

[Marco77]

I have no battle in my mind and no ongoing depression. I don't feel conflicted between two options... there isn't a single aspect that makes this place called life desirable to me. I don't like anything about existence and I'm not at all interested in living off compensation for suffering: eating, fucking, taking drugs. To me it's all extremely absurd and ridiculous. I only regret one thing: the end of existence will simply be the end of existence and will not make me free. The end of existence will prevent me from suffering this horrible experience, without even enjoying the next moment. It is clear that we are condemned to existential checkmate. What if I have doubts about suicide? Nobody.

 

[HenryHenriksen_6E]

I have decided on march of 2025, although there's a chance I might not be completely ready then, or I could chicken out at the last moment. However, I'm planning to ctb one way or another. It feels like the world is decending into madness, or maybe I am, and I just don't understand what everyone else is on about. Either way, I don't want to be here for the bullshit going on, plus I don't want to deal with the hardships of life. Call me weak, but it is what it is.

 

[supergold#2]

i've been pretty set in stone for close to 2 years now, had a really-close-to-successful attempt in january that failed pretty spectacularly, and just kinda been waiting around for the next chance i can get since then. been putting in as much work as i can in the meantime to at least try to get better, see if i can make this whole thing at least somewhat worthwhile until then, but i've already made my peace with catching the bus a while back, so i don't foresee sticking around much longer if i don't have to.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Unless my life changes in every aspect, then I see no reason to keep on going

 

[nom nom]

I think there's impulsive suicidal ideation and prolonged suicidal ideation. When the raw emotion of any given stressor wears off and you think that suicide is genuinely the most practical option for you, you might go to a site like this

Wow this is exactly what I feel like. Thank you for putting my thoughts down into words

 

[JustAnotherSadMan]

Pretty damn sure, 75% I would say. I would much rather be killed by something other than myself. Therapy helps a little bit, but when I am thinking about why I want to die, it just makes sense to me. I have move out before I can CTB, it would be difficult to hide a shotgun purchase from my family

 

[FuneralCry]

I've personally only ever wished to not exist, non-existence truly is always preferable for me, I'd never wish for the cruel, futile burden of existing as a human, I'm just not meant for it and I just see existence as a mistake as well, I see existence as something that just causes suffering and harm all for the sake of it. I'm really very sure that I don't want to prolong all the suffering in this existence I never would have chosen just to be tortured and tormented dying in agony from old age rather I just wish to painlessly not exist and never suffer ever again. I only wish for all to finally be gone and forgotten about for me, I'd be long gone if I had the option to painlessly free myself from this existence but really I never should have suffered at all.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I honestly don't know if I will ever try again. I sure as hell don't want to live in this world and don't want to get older. But I am terrified of it being a prolonged painful process to CTB.
Plus, my parents are 75 and my mom's health issues even just this past week make me feel a little guilty about even thinking about it
Right now I feel like I am honestly just keeping my fingers crossed that I get a deadly disease or something. I don't want to suffer, but if that's my ticket to get out of here I'll take it.

 

[onelastcall]

I've personally only ever wished to not exist, non-existence truly is always preferable for me, I'd never wish for the cruel, futile burden of existing as a human, I'm just not meant for it and I just see existence as a mistake as well, I see existence as something that just causes suffering and harm all for the sake of it. I'm really very sure that I don't want to prolong all the suffering in this existence I never would have chosen just to be tortured and tormented dying in agony from old age rather I just wish to painlessly not exist and never suffer ever again. I only wish for all to finally be gone and forgotten about for me, I'd be long gone if I had the option to painlessly free myself from this existence but really I never should have suffered at all.

You have a beautiful way of putting words together.

 

[Zanmato]

I've been thinking about suicide a lot but I know I suffer from mood swings, I'm not 100% either way but I feel like one bad night is all it takes. Does anyone else feel like this??

Yeah, same here.
Mood swings.
Sometimes it's way more bad than other times, and of course I think about CTB more.
But I have a kind of fear, so I'm not sure I'll ever do it.