How significantly do your circumstances affect your will to live?

[dontsaveher]

Just curious to see the verdict on how many of us are affected by our former/current situations and experiences in life.

Personally, I feel as though I've had no control over my life mostly due to losing the genetic lottery which has affected both my mental and physical health and my appearance, not to mention being unintelligent, hating my personality and just hating myself as a whole. Unfortunately, I have nothing going for me in this life and it feels like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me and pushing me to the edge until I have no choice but to jump.

I'd like to think that if I had the chance to switch lives with someone that has everything that I wish I had then I wouldn't feel this way, but at the same time I'm not sure that it would change how I inherently feel, which is that I was never supposed to exist, not to mention my feelings towards the current state of the world, the mundanity of life and my cynical view of life in general.

 

[CaptainSunshine!]

My circumstances are average. Family issues, but these are common. It's hard for me to imagine a willing outlook on life from my current standing. The joys I receive from activities are mild and temporary, so negativity outweighs the reasons to live. True friends could possibly help.
My problem with life is its futility. Everything pleasant is temporary and negativity outweighs them. Why bother?

 

[_Gollum_]

Don't want to exist at all regardless of circumstances. I have a perpetual discomfort within me due to the mere fact that I exist, and I can't remember what it's like not to have this "itch" underneath my skin, which persists even during my better moods. I don't "want" anything beyond basic biological drives anymore (ex. food). My story has ended and it's time to put down the pen.

 

[dontsaveher]

My circumstances are average. Family issues, but these are common. It's hard for me to imagine a willing outlook on life from my current standing. The joys I receive from activities are mild and temporary, so negativity outweighs the reasons to live. True friends could possibly help.
My problem with life is its futility. Everything pleasant is temporary and negativity outweighs them. Why bother?

I feel you, people say that you need to find your own purpose in this life and cherish the fleeting moments of joy which just seems like a big cope, and while I do agree that having people that make life worth living may help, there's also too much unpredictability, inequity and effort needed to live that makes the sweet relief of death the most appealing and sensible option.

Don't want to exist at all regardless of circumstances. I have a perpetual discomfort within me due to the mere fact that I exist, and I can't remember what it's like not to have this "itch" underneath my skin, which persists even during my better moods. I don't "want" anything beyond basic biological drives anymore (ex. food). My story has ended and it's time to put down the pen.

This is so relatable, I've felt the same way for the majority of my life. I genuinely feel like an alien that has been trying to understand why humans have such a strong desire to live. I feel as though some people were placed on this earth to take their own lives. I just don't understand anything about this world.

 

[woodlandcreature]

circumstances are shit (not the worst, but shit), but even the little or necessary parts of living are too much for me to manage. it's pathetic but i'd much rather not have to do anything at all, but i don't want to leech off of others (that's not sustainable even if i did but i really really do not). i don't believe anything could change this. some things might be able to help but not change how i feel. i wasn't meant to be born anyways. i'd much rather not exist.

 

[kitkat9234]

If I was better off financially it would solve most of my problems or make them more tolerable. But wouldn't help the damnage that psych meds have caused. Or change the mistakes I've made so who knows.

 

[dontsaveher]

circumstances are shit (not the worst, but shit), but even the little or necessary parts of living are too much for me to manage. it's pathetic but i'd much rather not have to do anything at all, but i don't want to leech off of others (that's not sustainable even if i did but i really really do not). i don't believe anything could change this. some things might be able to help but not change how i feel. i wasn't meant to be born anyways. i'd much rather not exist.

I know what you mean, it's absolutely absurd that we were brought into this world without our consent and are expected to mindlessly work and complete mundane tasks until we die. I understand that this is just how the world works but it doesn't make it any less insane. I also despise people that argue saying "everyone is here for a reason/everything happens for a reason" - they don't realise how delusional and insensitive it sounds, like yeah I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for all this unnecessary cruelty and suffering.

If I was better off financially it would solve most of my problems or make them more tolerable. But wouldn't help the damnage that psych meds have caused. Or change the mistakes I've made so who knows.

It would definitely help to not have to worry about the financial aspect of life, and I'm sorry to hear that, I've never heard of psych meds having permanent side effects, were you prescribed the wrong ones or something?
I also struggle with ruminating on every single choice and action I've made, it feels like I always very carefully make the wrong decision in life, at least once I ctb I won't ever have to worry about fucking anything up again.

 

[PI3.14]

Very significantly.

I think of circumstances as anything other than mental disorders or illnesses.

If I had better circumstances, I won't be here at all.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Even if my circumstances were perfect, I wouldn't want to exist. I want to die because suffering will come to everyone one day. And it can be unexpected and unbearable. Also the fact that everything ends makes everything meaningless, so existing in general just feels like torture.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I would want to live until old age if i didn't had my chronic pain and my asperger's.

 

[Forveleth]

Life circumstances got me here but I am to the point where I do not care to live even if they improve. I am done with life.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I don't want to exist at all. I simply can't stand life.

 

[gomikasu]

I'm quite well off and still have nothing to live for. Thankfully I'm got my exit key and am just waiting to check out.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I would've said that I want to live if circumstances were different until recently. Now, I don't know anymore. I'm tired, with little energy and almost nothing left inside. I've learned that even moving countries did not help, as the reason for wanting to ctb is still there and the darkness only grew.

Whatever circumstances brought me to where I am now, may just have gotten the best of me. I'll have to find the motivation for new circumstances, and I don't know if I have that in me anymore.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In my experience- different circumstances don't come about by magic. They require huge amounts of effort, commitment and risk. So- from the practical view of continuing to live my life- I'm tired of trying to turn things around.

I suppose some lives are easier than others- according to genetic luck, financial backing, location, time period etc. Ultimately though- life's a total lottery. You could be born again gorgeous into a wealthy, loving family with great health- then some horrendous accident or attack in your teens could turn your life entirely upside down.

To me- it just feels like life is too much of a gamble. Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is guaranteed to last- certainly. So- it simply doesn't seem worth the risk to me. The safer option would be not to exist in the first place.

 

[dontsaveher]

Very significantly.

I think of circumstances as anything other than mental disorders or illnesses.

If I had better circumstances, I won't be here at all.

Right, I didn't even think about other factors that would prevent someone from ctbing, sorry you're in that situation and I hope things get better for you whether that be finding peace in this life or being able to eventually ctb whenever you have that choice

Even if my circumstances were perfect, I wouldn't want to exist. I want to die because suffering will come to everyone one day. And it can be unexpected and unbearable. Also the fact that everything ends makes everything meaningless, so existing in general just feels like torture.

So true, anything can be taken from you in this life in an instant, even a person who lives an ideal life up until old age will experience pain and hardship and aging just seems incredibly uncomfortable, life on this earth is so odd and tortuous, sometimes I feel like we're already in "hell."

I would want to live until old age if i didn't had my chronic pain and my asperger's.

I also experience chronic pain and suspect I may be on the spectrum too, it's a different kind of betrayal when your body and mind works against you, I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you are able to find peace.

I don't want to exist at all. I simply can't stand life.

Fair enough, life is draining. I also love your custom title lol, I wish it was as easy as cancelling a subscription at the push of a button.

I'm quite well off and still have nothing to live for. Thankfully I'm got my exit key and am just waiting to check out.

I do sometimes imagine a life being well off but I somehow doubt that would change how I feel either. Wishing you a peaceful exit.

I would've said that I want to live if circumstances were different until recently. Now, I don't know anymore. I'm tired, with little energy and almost nothing left inside. I've learned that even moving countries did not help, as the reason for wanting to ctb is still there and the darkness only grew.

Whatever circumstances brought me to where I am now, may just have gotten the best of me. I'll have to find the motivation for new circumstances, and I don't know if I have that in me anymore.

I understand, making the decision to keep trying takes so much determination and it's disappointing when you find yourself back at square one. It's definitely difficult to find the motivation to not give up but at least you know you gave it a good shot. I hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I will never want to live or exist under any circumstances

I will never give in to life or to this evil world

Suffering is inevitable in life

extreme suffering is probable

A hell so bad that it is a trillion times worse than one can imagine is also possible but only while a human is alive or is living. Non-existence forever is the only guarantee the only safety from such a trap

But even if there were no suffering I would not want to live

In this poll 30% don't want to exist no matter the circumstances.

Life and this world are very bad and evil

Eternal Non-existence is the only perfection

 

[dontsaveher]

In my experience- different circumstances don't come about by magic. They require huge amounts of effort, commitment and risk. So- from the practical view of continuing to live my life- I'm tired of trying to turn things around.

I suppose some lives are easier than others- according to genetic luck, financial backing, location, time period etc. Ultimately though- life's a total lottery. You could be born again gorgeous into a wealthy, loving family with great health- then some horrendous accident or attack in your teens could turn your life entirely upside down.

To me- it just feels like life is too much of a gamble. Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is guaranteed to last- certainly. So- it simply doesn't seem worth the risk to me. The safer option would be not to exist in the first place.

Definitely agree with all of this, I'll just add that having a resilient and determined mindset is also a factor in any situation in life. There's people with severe disabilities, people who have been through unimaginable suffering and they still have the will to go on and I respect them for that. I've been told that I'm "too sensitive" my whole life and it's not like it's something I can control. Some people just don't have the strength and discipline and they shouldn't be blamed for that. We're just tired and it's the kind of tired that no amount of sleep or rest can fix.

 

[Marbas]

My circumstances are what lead to me ending up this way. My assumption is if these circumstances were no more I likely wouldn't want to die as much.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

At 45 years old, I've seen enough out of this life to understand that money and a wife wouldn't make much difference for me. This world is disintegrating, and my personal circumstances would be affected by that. I just want to live a simple life, and even with money that's difficult to do in this current global situation. People are regressing, and weak, weirdo politicians and billionaires are bound and determined send the world into some kind of conflict. This life is just too dystopian for me to find comfort in it. My dreams would be shattered by what's about to happen to the human race. I guess it would have to be a totally different reality for me to want to live.