Help How should I lie to my parents?

[casctb]

I don't know what I should say to them since taking the trip to ctb takes about 3 days. They don't want me taking the trip alone. I'm an adult so they can't really do anything but I don't want them making a fuss. They would feel better if I took a friend but I don't want them involved and have to lie for me. What should I do? Should I just stand my ground say I'm going no matter what and just leave anyway?

 

[Lupgevif]

My call would be to stand your ground. Just try to maintain them as informed as possible before you do it, so they don't panic.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My opinion: stand your ground.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I don't know what I should say to them since taking the trip to ctb takes about 3 days. They don't want me taking the trip alone. I'm an adult so they can't really do anything but I don't want them making a fuss. They would feel better if I took a friend but I don't want them involved and have to lie for me. What should I do? Should I just stand my ground say I'm going no matter what and just leave anyway?

Stand your ground. You are an adult and you do not need their blessing.

 

[Ghost2211]

I would tell them I want some time and space to relax and clear my head. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate being told I need a babysitter

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Since I don't know your parents, you and your circumstances, I cannot answer the question for you.

Do your parents suspect ctb?

If not, I would insist that you go alone when you are already an adult.

 

[casctb]

Since I don't know your parents, you and your circumstances, I cannot answer the question for you.

Do your parents suspect ctb?

If not, I would insist that you go alone when you are already an adult.

Nah they don't suspect me ctb. However, my father did say he would never forgive me if I went somewhere far by myself.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Nah they don't suspect me ctb. However, my father did say he would never forgive me if I went somewhere far by myself.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Nah they don't suspect me ctb. However, my father did say he would never forgive me if I went somewhere far by myself.

this is very special and I can't really understand it. At some point you have to go somewhere alone.

If you want to explain this to us, then maybe we can help you better

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

this is very special and I can't really understand it. At some point you have to go somewhere alone.

If you want to explain this to us, then maybe we can help you better

Maybe he's just very conservative and worries that she would fall prey to men who would take advantage of her, if she is not under his constant supervision. But I am just guessing.

 

[Ghost2211]

It also might just be highly out of character. I know when I was an adult teenager if I were to take a lengthy several day trip my family would become concerned, as it would have been something I never did before.

 

[casctb]

Maybe he's just very conservative and worries that she would fall prey to men who would take advantage of her, if she is not under his constant supervision. But I am just guessing.

Yeah that's his exact reasoning for why he is against it. But I need to do this so he's gonna have to get over it.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

What are your reasons for wanting to ctb, are they family related? How old are you?

 

[casctb]

It also might just be highly out of character. I know when I was an adult teenager if I were to take a lengthy several day trip my family would become concerned, as it would have been something I never did before.

It is out of character for me to go out but they do know I like to travel and I've gotten really good at lying and putting up false appeareances. Never attempted before and only about 2 times in my entire life have I mentioned I was suicidal.

What are your reasons for wanting to ctb, are they family related? How old are you?

Childhood/ emotional issues that are deeply rooted. I'm 18.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Yeah that's his exact reasoning for why he is against it. But I need to do this so he's gonna have to get over it.

There is a first time for everything. Try to convince him that it is time to travel the world alone.

Try not to lie to him, though, it won't just hurt him. It will hurt you too.

Try to be honest so that you can start your last journey without a guilty conscience.

 

[Ghost2211]

If you've shown interest in traveling in the past it seems like you could pull off enough of an explanation that you finally want to act on your desires to see the world. Even if they object you can be persistent assuming you can make it seem like you are genuine in your desires.

 

[profoundexperience]

Maybe he's just very conservative and worries that she would fall prey to men who would take advantage of her...

Yeah that's his exact reasoning for why he is against it.

Maybe ask to have a "serious discussion" about his concerns? That way, he can give you all the advice he feels you need to have & can feel comfortable that you know what to do to be safe.

During that talk, you can also address if/how he wants you to "be in contact" (frequency/method/etc.). This might be something you want to think about how to handle in advance & go in with a plan.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

It is out of character for me to go out but they do know I like to travel and I've gotten really good at lying and putting up false appeareances. Never attempted before and only about 2 times in my entire life have I mentioned I was suicidal.

Childhood/ emotional issues that are deeply rooted. I'm 18.

You are still very young and you have enough time to work on your issues and resolve them. Are you in therapy? You will gain a new perspective on your issues in a few years. As we mature, we find new meaning in painful past experiences. Sometimes it seems to me that a lot of things would have been different for me if I started therapy when I was your age, instead of drowning my pain in alcohol, drugs and suicidal ideation. I am not a pro-lifer, far from it, but I think that committing suicide at a young age is almost always a mistake.

 

[casctb]

Maybe ask to have a "serious discussion" about his concerns? That way, he can give you all the advice he feels you need to have & can feel comfortable that you know what to do to be safe.

During that talk, you can also address if/how he wants you to "be in contact" (frequency/method/etc.). This might be something you want to think about how to handle in advance & go in with a plan.

I don't know. A part of me really wants to do that for him but at the same time I'm afraid it will hurt my success rate for ctb. Cause I know he'll want to stay in contact frequently but might be suspicious if suddenly stop contacting him when I ctb that might just freak him out more.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Do you have your own money to go on this trip or are your parents supposed to finance it?

 

[casctb]

You are still very young and you have enough time to work on your issues and resolve them. Are you in therapy? You will gain a new perspective on your issues in a few years. As we mature, we find new meaning in painful past experiences. Sometimes it seems to me that a lot of things would have been different for me if I started therapy when I was your age, instead of drowning my pain in alcohol, drugs and suicidal ideation. I am not a pro-lifer, far from it, but I think that committing suicide at a young age is almost always a mistake.

I appreciate your concern but I've been suicidal since I was 8 years old. I have been to therapy and it helped but not much because I don't want to get better. Things have only gotten better because of changes in perspective but the same amount of pain is there and I'm tired of it. I don't like living and I don't think I ever did. I'm too fucked up mentally at this point. If I'd gotten the right help earlier things would probably be a lot different but this is how I am now and there's no changing that.

Do you have your own money to go on this trip or are your parents supposed to finance it?

Money isn't a problem. I've been saving up for college but that's out of my considerations now so I can finance everything.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I appreciate your concern but I've been suicidal since I was 8 years old. I have been to therapy and it helped but not much because I don't want to get better. Things have only gotten better because of changes in perspective but the same amount of pain is there and I'm tired of it. I don't like living and I don't think I ever did. I'm too fucked up mentally at this point. If I'd gotten the right help earlier things would probably be a lot different but this is how I am now and there's no changing that.

Money isn't a problem. I've been saving up for college but that's out of my considerations now so I can finance everything.

I have been thinking about suicide from an early age, so I can relate to what you are saying. Pain is always there, in the background at least, but there are some things in life worth experiencing. I enjoyed my first year at college, I met a lot of people and my perspective really changed, at least for a while. You mentioned that you have a friend, so you have the capability to get close to people and form lasting relationships - that skill can come in handy at college. I don't want to nag you with stories about life being sunshine and rainbows, but I would feel like crap if I didn't at least try to make you see things from a different perspective. I think it would be a shame if you missed out on some experiences that might be pleasant for you and that might build your character and shape you into a better, stronger person, an upgraded version of your current self. Obviously, the decision is yours, and I do not know your whole story, but believe me, nothing is set in stone at 18. You have enough time to find ways to cope with pain and make something meaningful out of it.

 

[profoundexperience]

I don't know. A part of me really wants to do that for him but at the same time I'm afraid it will hurt my success rate for ctb. Cause I know he'll want to stay in contact frequently but might be suspicious if suddenly stop contacting him when I ctb that might just freak him out more.

Understood. You might want to consider what to say if he brings-up "staying in contact".

Like others have said, you're 18 (an adult) and "standing your ground" is usually preferable to lying....

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I appreciate your concern but I've been suicidal since I was 8 years old. I have been to therapy and it helped but not much because I don't want to get better. Things have only gotten better because of changes in perspective but the same amount of pain is there and I'm tired of it. I don't like living and I don't think I ever did. I'm too fucked up mentally at this point. If I'd gotten the right help earlier things would probably be a lot different but this is how I am now and there's no changing that.

Money isn't a problem. I've been saving up for college but that's out of my considerations now so I can finance everything.

There is also a part of my brain that thinks it's wrong for such young people to do ctb.

This is the part of my brain that has kept me alive for decades. It's called hope and it makes you believe that there is also a good future.

But the hope persistently withholds that a future always includes a past that will always remain as it was.

As soon as I shut down this part of my brain, I see the pain and suffering that this young person has had and will experience.

Then I can accept that young people also do ctb.

Everyone has to die once and you can't take anything with you from life.

 

[Silver]

@casctb , how far are you travelling to ctb? Does your father know where you're going, and is it possible he might visit you to check you're alright? If you do ctb while you're away, will your body be discovered and your father informed? Because otherwise he might come to see what's wrong and find your body. What is your intended ctb method?

 

[casctb]

I have been thinking about suicide from an early age, so I can relate to what you are saying. Pain is always there, in the background at least, but there are some things in life worth experiencing. I enjoyed my first year at college, I met a lot of people and my perspective really changed, at least for a while. You mentioned that you have a friend, so you have the capability to get close to people and form lasting relationships - that skill can come in handy at college. I don't want to nag you with stories about life being sunshine and rainbows, but I would feel like crap if I didn't at least try to make you see things from a different perspective. I think it would be a shame if you missed out on some experiences that might be pleasant for you and that might build your character and shape you into a better, stronger person, an upgraded version of your current self. Obviously, the decision is yours, and I do not know your whole story, but believe me, nothing is set in stone at 18. You have enough time to find ways to cope with pain and make something meaningful out of it.

The hopeful part of me that I've always neglected really believes that things have a potential to get better but I'm tired of everything. What I really want out of life is nearly impossible. A part of me wants to get better but the part of me that's fearful of the future, of things getting too much that I can handle, is too big. I have so little motivation and confidence to do anything with my life. I think I might regret it if I don't ctb now because I might not get the chance until it's too late.

@casctb , how far are you travelling to ctb? Does your father know where you're going, and is it possible he might visit you to check you're alright? If you do ctb while you're away, will your body be discovered and your father informed? Because otherwise he might come to see what's wrong and find your body. What is your intended ctb method?

Over 300 miles. Not sure if I want to tell him because I don't want him to do anything that would prevent me from ctb. My body probably will discovered and he'll probably be informed. I'm planning on leaving phone unlocked and ID on. Fentanyl.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

The hopeful part of me that I've always neglected really believes that things have a potential to get better but I'm tired of everything. What I really want out of life is nearly impossible. A part of me wants to get better but the part of me that's fearful of the future, of things getting too much that I can handle, is too big. I have so little motivation and confidence to do anything with my life. I think I might regret it if I don't ctb now because I might not get the chance until it's too late.

You will always have a chance to ctb, but once you are dead there is no way to undo that. It is never too late to die, death awaits us all. A lot of our fears are irrational, and if you find yourself in a situation that is too much for you to handle, you can ctb then. Give yourself another year, try college. I have managed to go through college, even though I had a personality disorder, severe social anxiety and thought about ctb quite a lot. If things are really hopeless after that first year, ctb then, but do not go without even trying. Confidence comes through experience, through testing your strength, facing challenges. If you fail, there is always the option of ctb.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

You will always have a chance to ctb, but once you are dead there is no way to undo that. It is never too late to die, death awaits us all. A lot of our fears are irrational, and if you find yourself in a situation that is too much for you to handle, you can ctb then. Give yourself another year, try college. I have managed to go through college, even though I had a personality disorder, severe social anxiety and thought about ctb quite a lot. If things are really hopeless after that first year, ctb then, but do not go without even trying. Confidence comes through experience, through testing your strength, facing challenges. If you fail, there is always the option of ctb.

Of course you're right, but what would you advise her to do in a year?

That she should give herself another year?

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Of course you're right, but what would you advise her to do in a year?

That she should give herself another year?

You and I have obviously been giving ourselves another year, year after year, so I do not see anything wrong with telling someone who is very young to give herself another year. A lot of people blossom during college, that is the time of life when they fully grow up and set foundations for the future. I would feel like a piece of shit if I told her that things will always stay bleak, that life is not worth living, while I continue to live my life.

When is your ctb date, did you set it yet?

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

When is your ctb date, did you set it yet?

September 27th