Discussion How people react and treat you when wanting to end your suffering vs a terminal illness

[Rubypie41]

If someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness then nobody would be mad at them. They would feel sorry for them and do all they can to ensure they are supported until the end. They would not be made to feel any guilt, shame or responsibility for what's happened to them.

If someone has a chronic illness/condition and can't tolerate it any longer, then they are frowned upon, people get angry with them and make them feel guilty, shame and responsibility for wanting to end their life to end their suffering.

Both situations are completely out of the person's control in terms of what's happened to them, but in each scenario the way others respond to that person is completely different.

Personally, I think a chronic condition that cannot be cured and caused both physically and psychological pain is somewhat even worse than a terminal diagnosis, because there is no end in sight, but yet people have less sympathy and even get angry with the person for wanting to end their suffering.

What do others think?

 

[dinosavr]

P e r i o d ! ! !
I hate it how differently they handle it. As if mental illnesses were always curable and dependent on us. No! Why don't they understand we're actually exhausted?? And that basically, there IS a difference between us and people with physical disabilities - we do want to die, they don't!! So why is anyone upset about that? It should be the other way around. After all, we'll have what we need.

 

[TAW122]

Yes, this is the problem and main contention that we pro-choicers have with most of the other people. They (the anti-choicers, pro-lifers) don't get that suffering is suffering, regardless of whether it is a terminal illness or not. Just because people who are chronically ill or have conditions that induce long term (maybe even permanent) suffering, does NOT invalidate one's suffering. In fact, I agree with you, it may be even worse suffering from chronic illnesses as they have no end in sight as the person could be suffering for years and decades on end without relief.

This is also why I'd all for expanding the death with dignity and assisted death eligibility to cover those who are non-terminal, but are suffering immensely, which goes for both physical and psychological illnesses. That would be the next logical step for death with dignity and medical assistance in death policies imo.

 

[wljourney]

I agree with the above replies completely.

Sadly the stigma around and misunderstanding of chronic physical and mental illness is real and weighs heavy on everyone living with it.

I would say living with a chronic disabling illness is made much harder by the stigma and misunderstanding of others.

I am battling not only my illness but also the misconceptions of people around me who can't understand that "a walk in the park" or "thinking positive" Will fix my problems.

They simply can't imagine the pain and suffering one endures.

And then of course there are those who believe that many illnesses are brought on by the sick person themselves.
Blaming the person on their illness.
Assuming that they are weak, don't want to get better etc.

People often can't empathize with something they have not experienced themselves.

Worse: they believe they understand because they had something similar and got over it by drinking camomile tea and doing yoga (insert whatever nonsense they suggest)

It's rough.
It's unfair.
I can't see this change anytime soon.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I think that what it comes down to is in the first case, the person is already going to die, against their will. Everyone feels sorry for them, it's seen as tragic and noble, since the general assumption that most people live by is that everyone should want to live as long as possible, and life is great and worth living.

In the second instance, the person is making a decision to end their life, which is seen as extremely taboo because it opens up questions that most people would rather look the other way and never address (I've read a decent amount about this, most people have protective cognitive mechanisms in place that prevent them from even considering suicide as an option, let alone ever condoning or accepting it). It contradicts the assumption that life is always worth living and precious and a gift, that people have drilled into their subconscious. The anger and disdain that results is a form of control that discourages others from possibly making the same decision in the future, to avoid the same contempt of those that have already done so.

I believe that's why many family members of those who CTB will try their best to blame others, chalking it up to an accident or 'losing their mind' or even potential foul play. Because they cannot fathom the idea that the person has made the decision to take their own life. The alternative is acceptance, and most people aren't capable of this when it comes to suicide.

Stigmas exist for the sole purpose of controlling the behavior of the masses. Like the stigma against gay marriage used to exist (and still exists in some places) because it does not lead to the furthering of the human race. The stigma against women choosing to be childfree exists (and with it the stigma against abortion and getting sterilized before having children or without husband's consent) because it goes against the furthering of the human race. We have it imprinted in our DNA to continue the human race (in reality it's our only given 'purpose', biologically speaking), and things that are not conducive to that are seen as taboo by most and thus stigmatized

 

[Sheisme]

If someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness then nobody would be mad at them. They would feel sorry for them and do all they can to ensure they are supported until the end. They would not be made to feel any guilt, shame or responsibility for what's happened to them.

If someone has a chronic illness/condition and can't tolerate it any longer, then they are frowned upon, people get angry with them and make them feel guilty, shame and responsibility for wanting to end their life to end their suffering.

Both situations are completely out of the person's control in terms of what's happened to them, but in each scenario the way others respond to that person is completely different.

Personally, I think a chronic condition that cannot be cured and caused both physically and psychological pain is somewhat even worse than a terminal diagnosis, because there is no end in sight, but yet people have less sympathy and even get angry with the person for wanting to end their suffering.

What do others think?

I see your point but disagree. Terminal means incurable and it will inevitably kill you. Mental illness will not. It isnt finite. You can recover. From a terminal illness there is no hope.
As someone whos attempted and had a family member die of cancer recently, a person with mental illness when they have means to recover and may not do everything it takes to recover, is hard hitting for a terminally ill person who is out of options and doesnt have that choice. E.g coming onto a forum like this is not going to promote recovery in the best way. Its going to keep you locked in the dark because youve found people to relate too who are also in the dark.

It is two different things entirely, one is deadly, the other has the potential to be deadly. Having lived through both, before a person reaches the decision to end their life in my view, like a terminally ill person would, they have to try everything at their disposal to get well especially if the suicidal ideation comes from an emotional response or is situational. If its chronic thats a whole different ball game. Its so complex.