How old

[IG959]

how old were you when you first self harmed/felt suicidal?

 

[Trashcan]

I was 8 or 9 when I had my first suicidal thought. It became more regular at 12 and I first attempted at 14.

Also started to self harm at about 15. It started with digging nail scissors into my skin. At 16, I started to cut. At about 18, I did a combination of cutting and some chemical burns. Finally stopped this year at the age of 20. But sometimes I consider doing it again. Maybe I'd lose some weight because I seemed to replace it with comfort eating.

 

[millefeui]

15. That was almost 13 years ago.

But... Here is the thing. If you read my posts, you might know I have this thing about "being an anime person", which sounds stupid, I know, but listen... Since I was very small, like 5 or so, I already spent most of my time within my head, fantasizing about being somewhere else, being someone different... Two decades later, and that hasn't changed, except... I realized how silly my dreams were when I was still a child (but I never gave up on them, of course - my dreams are all I have, aside from my dog).

Why I am saying this? Well, because when I realized I would have to stay in this world for my whole life, it didn't take long for death ideation to become a thing in my little head. Even as a preteen, I was already thinking about dying, disappearing. Then puberty came, and by the age of 15 if not a little earlier than that, I was already pretty much suicidal.

 

[worldexploder]

I was "primitively" suicidal at around age 7. I use to pray to god to take me in my sleep. Then wake up crying because I was still here. I did that even as a teen. I started to actively contemplate methods in the mid 2000s. My first attempt was in 2015 and my second and last was in 2016. I am 35 years old now.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think I first felt suicidal around 14 or 15, so about 20 years ago now. I was always a sad and sensitive kid, and never felt like I belonged or was loved all that much. In my teens I went through that kind of aggressive/nihilistic phase a lot of teens go through and often thought of ctb. Others around me noticed it too, but I think it was always expected that I'd grow out of it. I never did though. I've never self-harmed or had any attempts, however.

 

[Maravillosa]

I think I first passively wished for death when I was 9 or 10 years old. I was bullied at school between the ages of 8 and 15: I was bookish, bespectacled, plump, clumsy and spoke more formally than my classmates -- a perfect target. I became actively suicidal when I was 16: I stood on a chair with a sash made into a noose around my neck: the sash was attached to a lighting fixture in my bedroom. I had a pair of scissors in my right hand to cut the sash in case I changed my mind after I kicked the chair away -- but I could not get myself to kick the chair away.

I also wanted to jump from the top story of the dorm building where I was living the summer after my junior year of high school (I was in an advanced college program for high school students that summer). I could not get myself to jump, however, and when I told a priest about it, he told me that I was much more fortunate than young people who had grown up during the Great Depression (since this was in 1983 and the priest was about 65, I think the priest was thinking about young people from his own generation).

 

[Mr2005]

23 so a late starter compared with some of you. I wouldn't say I was predisposed to this or anything, I was a happy kid it's just what happened after that

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

I honestly don't remember. Probably a long time ago.

 

[Deafsn0w]

14 i think but didn't become actively suicidal till i was 17. At 14, i think i firstly became depressed. Occasional suicidal thoughts at 15 and 16. Once i hit 17 i started having suicidal thoughts regularly and first attempted suicide back in feb 2018. I've attempted suicide 4 times this year as far.

 

[willowtrees0]

I experienced mild depression at 13 when my dad passed but I dont really count that because I think self harm was just a way for me to cope with feelings I didnt understand. I just didnt know how to grieve and 13 is such a bad age as it is. at 18 was my first real memory of depression.

 

[Donewith_]

9 0r 10. I was depressed, I didn't feel I am loved enough, worth enough, or I felt I and my life is miserable. I remember how I felt... I was always on the down-side of everything. In whatever I am .. I used to get hit by bad things without a miss. As a kid, I never felt I was loved. I don't know what's wrong with me or whatever it is.. Maybe I was not shown enough love (by touch, words) or I was a sensitive kid who needed tons of attention. The latter might be true..I was told by a lot of people I am sensitive .I never expected that someone would stand up for me .. I used to think ' why would anyone stand up for me?'.. now I understand how fucked up it is to hear from a kid..
Attempt.. I was naive enough to think those water absorbant 'silica gel' granules can kill me.. funny. Since my mother used to say they were dangerous. I took a bag , crushed up all those granules, mixed it in my food , had it. I Waited for something to happen.. yeah but no.
That's the only attempt I've done in my childhood as far as I remember.. But, I always felt miserable.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I first self harmed at 14-15. I moved schools and two girls in my new class cut their arms. Guess it just gave me the 'inspiration'

 

[Schopenhauer]

I don't remember for certain, and I might be confabulating here, but I think the first time I thought about ending it all was when I was 13, and I seriously considered the notion of going outside and throwing myself in front of traffic. When I was 19 I started reading on suicide methods, and soon enough tried hanging for the first time.

 

[crova]

I was a child, maybe around 10 I first time contemplated harakiri, after my parents had a fight.
It was the first time I thought I wanted to be dead rather than alive.
This 'bad seed' has been growing in me since.

 

[Kim]

Between 19 and 20 yo. I can't remember the exact age anymore... Cutting and suicidal thoughts...

 

[Throwaway563078]

how old were you when you first self harmed/felt suicidal?

13 or 14

 

[Duqu]

I first felt suicidal in 1st or 2nd grade (no word for it then, just "wanting to disappear" at the time). I started self-harming and my eating disorder started when I was 12 though.

 

[agreement]

first attempt at 14

 

[Virgo]

Disclaimer: Self harm is incredibly stupid, albeit pleasurable.
Around when I was 11 I think I started self harming and had thoughts of suicide(Can't remember before that). I can't even exactly remember why. I remember impulsive acts of self destruction. Drinking mouth wash(As if that could kill you...), trying to blind myself(idek...). I stopped self harming a couple years later. The severity of the cuts kept rapidly increasing. It was to the point where I couldn't go any deeper without hitting bone(I'm pretty skinny though). I was left with some pretty large scars from the stupid shit I did. I haven't really cared though as I have been suicidal ever since.

 

[IG959]

Ifirst tied something around my kneck to try and kill myself at 6. I started cutting not long after.

 

[Virgo]

Ifirst tied something around my kneck to try and kill myself at 6. I started cutting not long after.

You have a pretty good memory.

 

[IG959]

You have a pretty good memory.

I have a lot happen, my first memory was at 2. It's hard to forget the trauma. I also moved a lot (50 odd times by the time I was 12) so I know how old I was by where I was living