How much to consider family?

[fjohn5]

I love my family. They've been very kind and supportive of me. I'm surrounded by so much support and love.

But I'm not worth much. I've not done well academically or professionally. It's clear to me that I'll be laboring for cheap the rest of my life. I want to escape before things become too miserable.

I feel bad abandoning my family knowing they did everything right. They had resources available to me. They saved up so I'd have the option to succeed in college. They've covered my medical expenses when I ended up in the psych ward.

At this point I know I'll die by suicide. It's a questions of when. I'm living with my parents unemployed -- every day I lie to them about how I'm applying to jobs.

They're so kind they don't deserve me. But I have no way to make it up to them. I just want to reduce their misery. Every day I wonder if it would be better to hide my corpse so they never know for sure. Even just overdosing on fentanyl provides them with an easier out than a suicide.

Anyway, this is my first post on here and I'd be happy to chat with any other suicidal people about their experiences.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Welcome to the forum.

But I'm not worth much. I've not done well academically or professionally. It's clear to me that I'll be laboring for cheap the rest of my life. I want to escape before things become too miserable.

I'll give you my experience for this part. It sucks. I'm going to assume by this sentence you probably don't have a good college education and are going to be working entry-level jobs. Most would say "you can find a job you like no matter the skill level and work your way up." I'm 23 so maybe I can't really speak on this, but it's 2024, and frankly, NO you can't. For unskilled labor, the best job you can find will be barely tolerable, and the money you earn will be survivable. You'll also be looked down on by your peers and potential partners (gender dependent a bit) for the job you hold. The idea of "work hard and move up the ladder" is just blatantly false nowadays, unless someone wants to give an example of how I'm wrong. Welcome to the workforce! You will not enjoy your stay! Not exactly something you want to spend the next several decades dealing with. But, take this with a grain of salt since I've only had bad experiences in the workforce working in food service and factory jobs, which are pretty much all you can get without a good education.

At this point I know I'll die by suicide. It's a questions of when. I'm living with my parents unemployed -- every day I lie to them about how I'm applying to jobs.

Hey, same! Except I'm living alone in my apartment on a ticking time bomb until I run out of money. It really sucks to have to lie and pretend everything's going well. I hate doing it. I feel ashamed for doing it. But with how job searching is in the 21st century everything is a lot harder than when my parents were my age on that front. It's something they can't quite understand.

To answer the title, well it's ultimately your choice here. Imagine a scale. Does the scale tip towards your family more, or suicide? Is your pain greater than your love of your family? Should you continue to be in pain because of it?

I answered these questions myself. I lived for a long time because I didn't want to cause my father pain since he was the only person who cared about me. I didn't think it was worth the suffering. But that's just me.

 

[tbroken]

I love my family. They've been very kind and supportive of me. I'm surrounded by so much support and love.

But I'm not worth much. I've not done well academically or professionally. It's clear to me that I'll be laboring for cheap the rest of my life. I want to escape before things become too miserable.

I feel bad abandoning my family knowing they did everything right. They had resources available to me. They saved up so I'd have the option to succeed in college. They've covered my medical expenses when I ended up in the psych ward.

At this point I know I'll die by suicide. It's a questions of when. I'm living with my parents unemployed -- every day I lie to them about how I'm applying to jobs.

They're so kind they don't deserve me. But I have no way to make it up to them. I just want to reduce their misery. Every day I wonder if it would be better to hide my corpse so they never know for sure. Even just overdosing on fentanyl provides them with an easier out than a suicide.

Anyway, this is my first post on here and I'd be happy to chat with any other suicidal people about their experiences.

I did the same, but it was due to an illness and environment. They were supportive and kind to me, but this environment really sucks and it proves so every day. I became what i am and it is their fault, now i have some spare money and I will just organize the things in the best way, i really don't care anymore about the consequences.

 

[FutureHanger]

Idk it's completely up to you to decide how you'll do this. You could get a simple job that doesn't require much skills and save a couple thousand to leave behind for them? You could try the OD method so they don't know it's suicide. Do shallow water blackout whilst drunk so it looks like an accident? Try this so you just disappear?