Help How much should I tell my therapist?

[Onasis]

I am in therapy once again and my next session is coming up soon. I have told her a bit, but not all the details. I tell her that I don't socialize that much due to not having social skills and social anxiety. I haven't told her that I really do hate people generally. Most of the time socializing just makes me hate people even more. It is very rare for me to go out and talk to people whether it is IRL or even on discord without me realizing how much i do not enjoy talking to people. When I am depressed or in a bad mood,

I also like to watch gore videos of people dying, mainly by suicide, as it shows someone finally relieving their pain. I have watched others as well, but I don't like watching those because it is involuntary and those people might have actually enjoyed living just to have it taken away from them. I do think about suicide quite a bit and even harming others to a point although I would not act on it because I wouldn't have the courage to anyways as I am used to letting people walk all over me and treat me like shit.

I don't trust people that much, not even my therapist really which makes it hard for me to talk about anything because I think she might think that I am crazy and try to do something weird. Should I tell her about the gore watching whenever I am depressed/angry or is that a major red flag and she'll think that i am potentially crazy because I have told someone before and they thought I was crazy.

 

[ooglah]

I'm going to go out on a limb... This probably will not be a popular opinion.

I would say try and be as honest as you can, being withholding hasn't been successful for you so far, so why not try the opposite?

Maybe read their reaction as you speak before blurring everything out.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

With the way things are in the US (I don't know where you are from), with all of these mass shootings and such, I don't know how far a leap it would be for your therapist to be legally required to report something you said to authorities (your anger, like to watch others die, etc). It's not a good political climate right now. I wouldn't do it. YMMV

 

[The Abyss]

Don't tell her shit, you'll be committed and put on a watch list or ditched, there won't be some big catharsis now you like ppl yay transformation.

Either stay indoors as much as possible enjoying hobbies or say fuck it.

Think of the main 3 reasons you hate ppl or ended up on this site, now try to figure out a solution.

 

[Grav]

Is therapy your choice? Just saying this, if you're not going to tell the therapist much it doesn't make much sense going. I understand there are a lot of shit therapists out there and the reporting and such, not saying they are going to fix all your problems. Personally I'm not going back, it didn't seem to do much anymore and the money is a wasted then. I wouldn't lead with "I want to kill you" but from what I understand of therapy openess is part of it.

 

[QuietEnd]

When you talk to your therapist what would you like to have happen?

And based upon that, what would you need to share to support that outcome?

As you don't trust people much, what you need to trust your therapist with the information you share? What are the risks? How could you reduce those risks by what you share, or what you ask for first?

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Imagine how many different souls therapists have talked to, and what kind of things they have heard.
They will not think you are "crazy," a therapist is used to the things you are stating and don't expect just to hear "good" things.

I understand your struggle, I spend a year building up to tell my therapist about a dark secret within me and I had so much fear about what would happen if I said it.
But she didn't say I was crazy, I was not blamed, they didn't run away.

Since you are asking for advice, I can only say that the best thing you can do for yourself is to tell her all of those things - maybe even start with the doubts you are having about saying these things you have inside of you.

Of course there are bad therapists, because there are bad people too. But I don't think one has to assume all therapists are bad from the start.

I wish you the best, whatever you decide, I understand the tough position you are standing in because I have been there and it is terrible.

 

[wljourney]

I would probably tell your therapist about the trust issues. That could help as they will try and work with you on improving trust to them and to others.

The interest in gore/death is not unusual either. What you describe shows that you are able to distinguish between right and wrong (suicide vs murder). So it wouldn't raise any flags in terms of "mass murdered in the making". But it will definitely cause your therapist to find out more about your own suicidal ideations.
They will also ask if you have a plan in place and if you have the means to act on it. That's the suicide red flags they check.

The first step would be for them to ask you if you are willing to sign a "contract". A safety plan that, if you feel like acting on it, you will call XYZ or tell a friend.

 

[Onasis]

I would probably tell your therapist about the trust issues. That could help as they will try and work with you on improving trust to them and to others.

The interest in gore/death is not unusual either. What you describe shows that you are able to distinguish between right and wrong (suicide vs murder). So it wouldn't raise any flags in terms of "mass murdered in the making". But it will definitely cause your therapist to find out more about your own suicidal ideations.
They will also ask if you have a plan in place and if you have the means to act on it. That's the suicide red flags they check.

The first step would be for them to ask you if you are willing to sign a "contract". A safety plan that, if you feel like acting on it, you will call XYZ or tell a friend.

I actually have but therapy so far just feels like the same feedback I get from Reddit which always makes me question why I do even go to therapy to begin with