Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 30 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 445
It's me. I'm that socially awkward person.
The reason I'm asking is because I'm sick of being alone. I need a real life person to hangout with and talk to. An actual friend group would be nice too.
Everyone has told me "go to a bar" or "go to a nightclub", but I don't think it will be as simple as that. My therapist was honest with me, and said he suspected I may be on the autism spectrum when he first met me because of how I never made eye contact, and I spoke in an overly-articulate way; like I was pronouncing each syllable very carefully.
I also notice that my coworkers are much better at "thinking fast" during conversations, and making each conversational beat sound natural, like experienced tennis players hitting the ball back and forth. Jokes often fly over my head, and sometimes I have a hard time detecting sarcasm, or knowing how to respond when someone is being playful with me. I go "deer in the headlights" a lot during conversations when I encounter a conversational path I've never explored before, or if someone says something that I don't have a prepared response to.
Think "Kevin" from the American version of the Office:
I don't think you can tell a person like me to "just go talk to people", because I assume most people are operating on a '1, 2, 3 strikes, you're out' system when it comes to how they choose their friends and conversational partners. Am I wrong about that?
At the very least, I can tell that I'm treated differently. My coworkers will say things like "hey bud" or "you're doing great, buddy" when they talk to me, which says to me that they consider me to be someone who is not on their level (even though I'm older than most of them). That is a word I've heard mostly to refer to kids or people with obvious mental disabilities. An infantilizing word.
How much leeway do you give to people like that? If you were approached by someone who is a little slow when it comes to social interactions, would you attempt to meet them halfway because you could tell they were at least trying? Or are you less inclined to speak with them after they make a few social mistakes (stuttering, saying something inappropriate by accident, responding too quickly to what you said, not making enough eye contact, etc.)?
The reason I'm asking is because I'm sick of being alone. I need a real life person to hangout with and talk to. An actual friend group would be nice too.
Everyone has told me "go to a bar" or "go to a nightclub", but I don't think it will be as simple as that. My therapist was honest with me, and said he suspected I may be on the autism spectrum when he first met me because of how I never made eye contact, and I spoke in an overly-articulate way; like I was pronouncing each syllable very carefully.
I also notice that my coworkers are much better at "thinking fast" during conversations, and making each conversational beat sound natural, like experienced tennis players hitting the ball back and forth. Jokes often fly over my head, and sometimes I have a hard time detecting sarcasm, or knowing how to respond when someone is being playful with me. I go "deer in the headlights" a lot during conversations when I encounter a conversational path I've never explored before, or if someone says something that I don't have a prepared response to.
Think "Kevin" from the American version of the Office:
I don't think you can tell a person like me to "just go talk to people", because I assume most people are operating on a '1, 2, 3 strikes, you're out' system when it comes to how they choose their friends and conversational partners. Am I wrong about that?
At the very least, I can tell that I'm treated differently. My coworkers will say things like "hey bud" or "you're doing great, buddy" when they talk to me, which says to me that they consider me to be someone who is not on their level (even though I'm older than most of them). That is a word I've heard mostly to refer to kids or people with obvious mental disabilities. An infantilizing word.
How much leeway do you give to people like that? If you were approached by someone who is a little slow when it comes to social interactions, would you attempt to meet them halfway because you could tell they were at least trying? Or are you less inclined to speak with them after they make a few social mistakes (stuttering, saying something inappropriate by accident, responding too quickly to what you said, not making enough eye contact, etc.)?
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