How much do you think about CTB during the course of a day?

[ve.nin]

?

 

[bridgegirl]

Probably almost constantly. Not even in major "making serious and immediate plans" kind of ways, just fleeting little urges and imaginings.

 

[iloveeetreeeess1]

I think about CTB everyday when I wake up (sounds crazy ik) but in a day usually about 1-4 times a day in these last few months.

 

[ve.nin]

Probably almost constantly. Not even in major "making serious and immediate plans" kind of ways, just fleeting little urges and imaginings.

So relatable but also w plans for me

I think about CTB everyday when I wake up (sounds crazy ik) but in a day usually about 1-4 times a day in these last few months.

It doesn't it's understandable if you wake up feeling like shit

 

[justcallmeJ]

Its different for each day. Sometimes there can be days I am happy, with few negative thoughts. But most days its cbt and sh urges spinning in my head constantly.

 

[princejohnny]

I think about it constantly. I run through scenarios in my head like a movie on repeat. I visualize every step, every decision, every moment to prepare for the real thing. I easily slip into daydreams like these at work all day since work is so mindless.

 

[mrelief82]

All the time , i cant function and be in myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm always wishing to be gone as only the peace of an eternal and dreamless sleep appeals to me with all forgotten about and all future suffering prevented. I'd always prefer to die as existence is so futile and cruel with no limit as to how much one can suffer. Wishing to cease existing is all that makes sense to me and feels rational, existence itself is the true problem and death is the solution.

 

[Life_and_Death]

24/7
bpd = chronic suicidality
yay me!

 

[Darkover]

so much that makes my blood boil 7 years everyday of constant throughts of wanting to die

 

[Yaffle]

Pretty much when my mind isn't actively occupied I'm thinking CTB. It's relentless

 

[Ligottian]

Probably almost constantly. Not even in major "making serious and immediate plans" kind of ways, just fleeting little urges and imaginings.

Your post could be my own without changing a word.

 

[アホペンギン]

All day unless there's a distraction.

 

[bridgegirl]

So relatable but also w plans for me

It doesn't it's understandable if you wake up feeling like shit

Oh, with plans too, for sure. But when it's not solid plans, it's still just.. always there.

Your post could be my own without changing a word.

It's a rough place to be, isn't it? I'm sorry you have to go through that too.

 

[outrider567]

Many times

 

[青い青い海となれ]

Every moment of the day, in my case it's a torture, as one of the reasons (now the biggest one) is my brother death by instigated suicide, so it makes me feel even more desperate, it's like a neverending torture

 

[sleepy10]

basically from the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep every night i get tired i think to myself maybe this will be it maybe it'll all be over and then i wake up again.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I think about it constantly from the moment i wake up until the moment i go to sleep. It wasn't like that 6month ago, it was a few times per day but now i'm a complete no life with no purpose and activity so it has turned like that.

 

[Orange Cat]

I think about it all day long from the moment I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night,. It's gotten so bad sometimes I have dreams where I ctb.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

Thinking about death - almost all the time - especially during the full moon.

 

[funguy]

I think about it every day. It's mostly during the night since I do everything i can to distract myself during the day.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

From 12:00am to 11:59:59pm

 

[haibane]

I think about ctb all day, i cant stop thinking about it. Its almost like an obsession at this point

 

[Agon321]

Not much lately. This is because I want to commit CTB in December/January, so I want to enjoy the last moments :)

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Kinda daily, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I cannot avoid to think about it at least once, it's like a constant thought in my mind now, that inhabits my brain and slowly tears my emotions apart...

 

[Forever Sleep]

Lots and lots. I have work stuff I have to do and the whole daily grind of living but it's pretty much a constant background thought. I must think about it at least a few times each hour.

 

[KafkaF]

I don't think I stop thinking about it for the most part. It's pretty much constantly on my mind. It's more about how bad it is.

Sometimes I just think about it and try to come to terms with it and try to plan it in the future, wishing I didn't have to do it. Other times I'm in so much pain that I want to end it right in that moment because I can barely take it. In those moments it takes all of my effort not to try to end things then and there. I don't try then because I don't have the proper method at hand yet and I want to do it right.

 

[sad_rock]

a lot. its a way to comfort myself too.

 

[nptg5]

for me, most days go like this:

in the morning, i wake up, and wish i were dead. i am pissed off that i'm still alive. eventually i get out of bed.

i drink a lot of coffee and tea, and i feel OK for a few hours.

later in the afternoon, and early night, i feel miserable, lonely, wishing i were dead. sometimes i will just pace around my apartment in nervous anxiety. sometimes i'll lie in bed in deep depression.

once it gets late enough, i will take a shower, and get ready for bed. i'll get high, and usually feel pretty good for a few hours, watching TV or youtube or whatever.

eventually, as the high begins wearing down, i take some melatonin to help fall asleep quickly, and just pray that i won't wake up in the morning. every night, i think it would be just totally perfect if i could fall asleep and die. the high feels good, i'm calm lying in bed watching TV/youtube... it's a nice moment, and i just want it to be my last moment.

sadly... still here..

 

[deadtrace]

Usually fleeting urges and thoughts throughout the entire day. Right now the thoughts are a lot more active and hard to avoid seen as I've been ill and bedridden for weeks now and can't distract myself anymore.