Discussion How many people had their first suicidal thought during childhood? (Under the age of 18.) Poll

[Forever Sleep]

I've always noticed here, when members are asked when they first had suicidal thoughts- just how many of us began having thoughts in childhood. A shocking amount I tend to find. So, I wondered what it would look like in poll form.

I was 10 when I first started thinking about suicide as something I wanted.

 

[SanagiMezamete]

It started before I was a teenager. At the time I thought I was weird or just being dramatic since kids aren't supposed to be depressed or suicidal, but I guess it's way more common than some would ever dream. That's a pretty damning sign of a messed up and broken world isn't it? A bunch of innocent young children all independently decide they want to die just because life sucks that much for many of them.

 

[sanctionedusage]

jesus 90%

 

[Macedonian1987]

My first suicidal thoughts appeared at the age of 16. It was hen that I realized that this life is gonna suck bigtime, and sadly I was right.

 

[he1terskelter]

I was 9-10 but that was one time then they worsened and were on my mind 24/7 at 12 when i was on the edge of starting male puberty

 

[Forever Sleep]

jesus 90%

I have this theory that- even those who look like they may have taken their own lives impulsively were likely thinking about it for a long time before. I tend to doubt all that many suicides are actually impulsive. That said- perhaps sites like this tend to draw the more cautious and those who have been living with it longer, so maybe I'm wrong.

I agree though- it's scary. I think there are a lot of messed up childhoods here.

 

[amor.dor]

The first time I thought about it but soon forgot was when I was 8 years old. But at 12, I seriously considered it.

 

[wishiwasalittlecool]

I was 12 when it became evident my life will end by suicide. I almost jumped off a tall mountain after going on a road trip to hike with my parents and grandparents, but I was too scared. I regret not jumping to this day. Every day is another reason why I should've jumped. For a few years I tried immersing myself in everything to get away from suicide and what not. Obviously things didn't work.

 

[RinneOfAragon]

I think I was 11 when I wanted to disappear. but I didn't know exactly what that meant. If I say what I was getting up to at 11 people might get a clue who I am. Then 19 when I understood what it really really meant and that I couldn't just disappear into puff of smoke. Ups and downs with periods of some stability but I'm back here at square one or square zero.

 

[violetforever]

i was 11. even before that at ages 8-10 i started noticing how unfair life could be. i wasn't suicidal yet, just growing awareness from the world around me at that point. the short period of time between those realizations and having my first suicidal thought makes me think.

everyone here stated around the same age that i did so it makes me sad to see how common it is. i constantly wish i ended my life at 11 when i first felt it. that only justifies my knowing exactly what i wanted even back then being so young. i really feel like i haven't changed much. i wish children were taken more seriously by adults in matters like this.

 

[ih34rty0u]

i was 9

 

[badatparties]

I was probably over 18, can't be completely sure though. The fact that most votes here are under 18 is insane. At least i had an okay childhood.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

From when I was 7-8 I was playing PS2 games and I literally stared out the window, started thinking about school, university, work, love that I don't understand and I always knew that it wouldn't work out for me.
The real suicidal thoughts started when I was about 14 after the trauma came crashing all at once and they haven't stopped since.

 

[badatparties]

From when I was 7-8 I was playing PS2 games and I literally stared out the window, started thinking about school, university, work, love that I don't understand and I always knew that it wouldn't work out for me.
The real suicidal thoughts started when I was about 14 after the trauma came crashing all at once and they haven't stopped since.

How were you thinking about work, university and love at 8? Is that even possible?

 

[LonelyPrince]

It was around when my depression showed up: 14/15 years old.
I don't remember anything tho, I remember less and less more time goes on.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

How were you thinking about work, university and love at 8? Is that even possible?

Of course, my parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles were already talking about how I have to learn and that my grades are inacceptable because I will end up like the towns drunk if I don't absolve highschool with the final exams. We have some sort of big exam that is make or break and you NEED TO get it for university. BAC is the exam, it's also in France. I got pretty good grades on it like 7 years ago, ended up with an average of 9/10 which is like well 9/10

They used to remind me of it since I was like 8 and they haven't stopped. What comes after BAC is university and they told me that they were not gonna let a member of their family not attend university.

PLOT TWIST, PLOT TWIST. None of them ever did. NONE of them attended university and the ones that did bribed. And I was able to attend but I quit because I was just too traumatized for it.


Pretty sure I was supposed to be a napkin child too but my parents got too drunk or drugged one night, don't even care anymore personally.

And about love, I just never felt it, I wasn't outright thinking it but even then, I would look at romance as something distant and alien and since that hasn't ever changed, I'd consider it something I'd have always thought. I don't care about romance or sex.

 

[Heraskov]

I think I was eleven or twelve. I used to consider it in a manner of "I'll do it when I'm in my late teens because I know the stresses of life will tear me down by that point since life is dandy right now." I was half right, as my life has certainly gotten worse since then, but I haven't been torn down to the extent of forming a plan yet.

 

[Wishingforadream]

I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember. I knew I was unfortunately it's not taken very seriously for children. I was told i couldn't articulate what I was 'truly' feeling. And that I was over exaggerating.

From then to now it's been a gradual increase in severity.
With now being unbearable to live any longer.

 

[darksouls]

I was about 14

 

[hhheyomillooo]

My first suicidal thoughts appeared at the age of 16. It was hen that I realized that this life is gonna suck bigtime, and sadly I was right.

Really off topic... but it's nice to see another macedonian on here :) hope things get better for u !!

 

[Mourning_Dove]

For as long as I can remember (going back to early childhood), I have always felt bad inside. I was about 8 when I first became aware of the concept of suicide. I remember at around that age standing at my bedroom window and wondering if I should jump. I remember wanting to, but I was too scared. My first real attempt was at 13.

 

[dawnixxloxxt]

My first ever breakdown was at 8, but my first ever conscious desire to kill myself didn't arise until 10 or 11.

 

[DeathByBananabread]

When I was seven.

One guy I told that too once went off about how I must be telling fake bullshit & ranted about how kids that young can't get that sad, but now I see it's an incredibly common age to first have those thoughts/feelings, which, despite being incredibly unfortunate, makes me feel a bit more normal.

It has, thankfully, not been nonstop, there were a lot of genuine breaks where I felt so strong & confident & seriously thought I'd never feel suicidal again, but I also think I was like genuinely delusional during some of that.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

13

 

[Liebestod]

I thought about it for the first time at 10 but more so after 12.

 

[kuroshimi]

Always had some kind of death wish since I was 10, I think. Not actively suicidal though. Just wanted to disappear. I have many breakdown in school.

But I guess I started to actively think about it after I get to the uni (17-18).

 

[Arvayn]

I think most people consider this at some point in their youth.

I started considering it when I was around 3 or 4 years old, though my conclusion was "I don't care if I live" as opposed to "I want to die", which led to a lot of NDEs.
I started to have existential depression at age 9, but nobody took me seriously; people my age didn't understand what I was on about, and people older than me refused to listen to me and even mocked me because of how young I was.

 

[Unlucky777]

12 years old. This poll is scary

Always had some kind of death wish since I was 10, I think. Not actively suicidal though. Just wanted to disappear. I have many breakdown in school.

But I guess I started to actively think about it after I get to the uni (17-18).

Ah yes, the idea of disappearing is something that resonates with me so much. I'm also fascinated by mysterious disappearances (probably not the kind we're talking about ) but yeah I think about that a lot

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I was 8. I'd had the feeling since long before that, but I didn't have the words for it until I learned of someone in my community committing suicide. I remember expressing it to my parents and them making fun of me for it for several years afterwards.

I think most people consider this at some point in their youth.

I started considering it when I was around 3 or 4 years old, though my conclusion was "I don't care if I live" as opposed to "I want to die", which led to a lot of NDEs.
I started to have existential depression at age 9, but nobody took me seriously; people my age didn't understand what I was on about, and people older than me refused to listen to me and even mocked me because of how young I was.

I had a similar experience. As an adult, I can't imagine ignoring a child for expressing suicidal ideation, let alone mocking them. So I don't understand why so many adults seem to have that reaction. I'm sorry you had to deal with these feelings so early on and that the adults in your life failed you so profoundly.

They used to remind me of it since I was like 8 and they haven't stopped. What comes after BAC is university and they told me that they were not gonna let a member of their family not attend university.

PLOT TWIST, PLOT TWIST. None of them ever did. NONE of them attended university and the ones that did bribed. And I was able to attend but I quit because I was just too traumatized for it.


Pretty sure I was supposed to be a napkin child too but my parents got too drunk or drugged one night, don't even care anymore personally.

That's a ridiculous amount of pressure to put on a child - your family sounds just awful. It's so tragic that your shitty family prevented you from meeting your full potential. Also, what do you mean by "napkin child"?

 

[Arvayn]

I was 8. I'd had the feeling since long before that, but I didn't have the words for it until I learned of someone in my community committing suicide. I remember expressing it to my parents and them making fun of me for it for several years afterwards.

I had a similar experience. As an adult, I can't imagine ignoring a child for expressing suicidal ideation, let alone mocking them. So I don't understand why so many adults seem to have that reaction. I'm sorry you had to deal with these feelings so early on and that the adults in your life failed you so profoundly.

Condolences for your similar experience to mine.
People don't really expect children to be precocious, especially not with matters of philosophy. They did not take me seriously because they genuinely did not believe or think that it was even possible for a child of my age to experience that depth of thought. To them, I was just regurgitating something I heard without understanding the meaning behind it.

I can't even get mad at them in good faith, because it's not their faults that they are bumbling illiterates. They just weren't taught right. How can you blame someone for not doing something they never had the capacity to do in the first place?