Venting How many of you have "Anhedonia"?

[ForeverLonely82]

I know there is a few posts in the pasts of this condition. I've had it throughout my 30s and now 40s. My usual copes like drinking, self pleasure, vaping and the little bit of exercise I do don't help like it used to. So I guess what I am asking here is how do you cope?...Because nothing in life brings me joy anymore. Not a goddamn thing. Sometimes I'll just sit here and watch anime or a movie from youth just to pass the time. not that I enjoy it, sometimes when it's over I don't even remember what I watched. That's how disinterested in it I am. I used to enjoy music, video games, going on long walks (can't do that now due to arthritis and weighing 400 lbs), masterbating (not trying to be gross or creepy), listening to the rain... you know simple, little things. None of it makes me smile. Hell you could give me a billion dollars and I woudn't smile. I'd probably go out for Ramen noodles and sushi with it, go home and sleep. I just wake up do my responsibilities and go to bed. Nothing to look forward to, No one to talk to (my wife sleeps or watching youtube shorts all day), Just.. empty. Any of you feel this way, how do you cope? I am not looking for advice because, no offense, but people's advice has always been shit that I've tried over the course of my existence. Just want to see who feels this way and what do they do? That's all.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'm very disinterested in existence, I just believe that overall existing isn't for me but I don't see this as some kind of disorder but rather it just makes sense to me feeling in such a way.

Existence truly is very pointless and meaningless, all that humans are doing is passing the time until they cease to exist, I see it as such a burden being enslaved in this existence, it's tiresome having to exist as a conscious being.

Overall I see consciousness and the human species as being a terrible mistake. But in my case I see sleeping as the best way to pass the time as it's the closest thing to not existing, I only wish for nothingness.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I do, mine was caused by medication. Whenever I listen to music it feels like background noise i cant enjoy it or anything else. It truly is like having something you want teased in front of you but you cant get it or feel it no matter what. Also what could help is microdosing shrooms maybe you can try that? Definitely avoid it if you're prone to mania or psychosis though.

 

[Lostman1029]

I also suffer from Anhedonia. It is really rough. If you're asking for coping mechanisms, the best thing is regular routine and sticking to that routine for the sake of the routine whether you like to do it or want to do it. Take comfort in the structure of it.

Mushrooms/Ketamine can help too. At the end of the day, life is short but I feel like we live too long too. It's just hard. We are dammed if we do and dammed if we don't. We all die in the end no matter what.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Yes. Holy shit it's the worst and no one knows wtf I'm talking about either. Doctors have no tips on how to combat it either. More research is needed because to me it is the most debilitating aspect of depression. If I cannot experience pleasure, what's the point?

Weirdly my joy came back when I was institutionalized, despite being in a horrifying place stripped of joy. Freeing myself of expectations and responsibilities made it easier to enjoy life I think.

I'm back to the same old habits and feeling bored again. I noticed the more stressed/tired I am, the harder it is to feel like I'm not going through the motions. I also accept how I feel. Idk why but beating myself up over not enjoying things makes it worse.

I'm just attuned to how I feel and meet myself where I'm at instead of scolding myself for my feelings. Seems to be the only thing that works for me.

Idk what else to say but you're not alone. Not by a long shot.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Not looking for help, but thank you. I did shrooms as a teen and was fun because I had friends around. I don't these days.
Now, I just do things to kill time, not enjoying it, but "something to do" if that makes sense.

 

[FrozenMango]

I can't cope anymore. I don't find anything interesting. I have anxiety and anhedonia I don't know what to do

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Also, my doctor put me on celexa. I am not taking that poison. I don't like head meds at all. they never helped me and make it even worse in my experience. I told him "Stop putting me on HEAD MEDS" just ARGH! if I find a way to combat it, great, but until then I'll stare blankly in the void.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Also, my doctor put me on celexa. I am not taking that poison. I don't like head meds at all. they never helped me and make it even worse in my experience. I told him "Stop putting me on HEAD MEDS" just ARGH! if I find a way to combat it, great, but until then I'll stare blankly in the void.

Anti-depressants don't cure anhedonia for me. They just make it so I don't care that I'm experiencing it. Lol.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Hi, Also have anhedonia but i don't know how we can overwhelm that, sometimes it is just our existence wich is incredibly boring and so cause that.. Micro-dosing shrooms can effectively work, you can try it.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I can't cope anymore. I don't find anything interesting. I have anxiety and anhedonia I don't know what to do

Same here and that's what I hate about it. People tell me about this and that and I am just like "oh..." no interest what so ever. Anything new that comes out I am just like *Shrug* just.. nothing brings joy. I, too, suffer from anxiety disorder and disabled due to it. frequent panic attacks. Fuck this life.

 

[Torabol]

The only thing I still enjoy is lifting weights and talking to my partner.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

The only thing I still enjoy is lifting weights and talking to my partner.

I am glad you found some joy in your existence. Glad for you!

 

[Torabol]

I am glad you found some joy in your existence. Glad for you!

Thank you for the kind words. Everything you listed in your OP I am also no longer interested in, so I definitely understand you when it comes to that. I'm not sure if my case is considered anhedonia given I still have a tiny sliver of things I do enjoy but it does feel like it.

Hope things get better for you friend.

 

[haibane]

Idk if thats anhedonia but i no longer feel any emotion since many years. i feel completely numb and see everything i do as meaningless as is life.

 

[ABSOLUTION]

Well, it appears these days I don't enjoy video games, watching movies/TV shows, social interactions/activities (1 to 1 or group), anything outside the house, masturbating, or pretty much anything people my age enjoy doing.
Relationships are off the table too, I completely destroyed my last one even though the other person did nothing bad at all.
I don't desire one anyway now.

I'm not even fucking 20 (not a minor either), yet everything that gave my life meaning and enjoyment has disappeared with no signs of returning (for at least 1.5 years and counting).
I have very little left, and it all combined is not worth it to me. I'm okay to let it go when I CTB.
And this isn't some temporary struggle from my final year of school, it's been done for a while now yet nothing has changed unsurprisingly.

I cannot CTB any time within the next few months, maybe even year(s).
So I've got plenty of time to consider it, and I have already (which is why I'm here). It won't be done out of impulse at all.

If you read all this, thank you. I appreciate it. I don't really want to make a new thread centered around me.

 

[Hollowman]

I've had anhedonia for years, I'm dissociated all the time so it doesn't even bother me. Dead inside.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

I'm also suffering from anhedonia induced by medication back when I was 17, I'm currently 21 and have lived with it for almost 4 years. I think the worst part in my case is that it's progressing and worsening (since I got progressive cognitive impairment and dpdr and I'm getting more and more apathetic). In the beginning, I'd just try my best to stick to my old activities like watching shows, reading, listening to music, watching yt videos, going out in nature etc and I still try to do that but it's mainly because if I don't distract myself with anything I feel like I'd lose my mind. Throughout those 4 years I've tried my best to at least pretend in the hopes that it could awaken something and it's not like it'd hurt but in the end all I got was that I've learned how to appear extremely happy and energetic on the outside while being completely numb and empty on the inside, it's like muscle memory at this point. I hate it because my body does it on its own around other people and makes it so that I don't sound reasonable if I talk about the reality of my condition, plus it's like I'm split in two and that facade is like someone else's presence in my body. This probably sounds very weird, I just don't have any better way of explaining it. You also probably didn't ask for such an elaborate response on my side which I apologize for.

In short, it's pretty much a nightmare to live with this, I've been on various platforms dedicated to it and nothing has really been of help and trying to solve and thinking about it is just so exhausting. I'm sorry you have to deal with it as well.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I just hit 44 and I finally suspect that my anhedonia is incurable. My daily dose of adderall used to give me a boost, but I think I've become immune to it as well. My brain is probably 100% depleted of dopamine. I mindlessly play hundreds of 1 minute matches on chess.com a day, just to pass the time. I try to up my smoking everyday in the hopes of developing terminal lung cancer.

 

[Winterreise]

I suspect adhedonia is caused by inflammation in the brain. I have had some success going off sugar. When I feel some joy, it is from a very narrow field of interest, and only doing that it will eventually fade. But now I have nowhere to escape.

 

[foreverfalling]

I feel like I have "Anhedonia". One by one the things I used to cope with have stopped being interesting or too enjoyable. Video games, I sometimes play, but most of the time I don't even have the energy to play. Like I know it's a waste of time and afterwards I'll just be back to my bored self. I used to go on hike regularly, it gave me a sense of accomplishment, and I'd come home tired and get a good night's sleep. Now I don't see a reward in doing it. I'm right here sitting in front of my computer, sighing at the drudgery of not having anything worthwhile to do, nothing to work towards. My life is just a balance of minimising the pain, instead of seeking out to maximise pleasure and new opportunities.

 

[Huggs]

I have anhedonia as well. Similar to what another commenter said for me it's about minimizing the pain at this point, I focus more on finding physical comfort and forgetting I exist via TV rather than trying to feel enjoyment again. I'm just biding my time until my CTB date.

 

[antilife]

I have it too. I totally get what you mean, watching stuff just to pass the time and not even enjoying it. I do that the whole fucking day, nothing else. It's kind of disgusting and messed up. I hate living.
I have it too. I totally get what you mean, watching stuff just to pass the time and not even enjoying it. I do that the whole fucking day, nothing else. It's kind of disgusting and messed up. I hate living.

 

[umopep!sdn128]

What really interested me before simply turned into a habit, an addiction, from which now I experience pleasure a little more than if I were just staring at the wall, this is the only thing that allows me to kill this hated time of my existence. I have no motivation for anything, and most of all it infuriates me that in front of my parents I have to look like a person who is passionate about his studies, although I gave up on this study for a long time.

 

[Novacaine]

Yes. It's "horrible". Don't feel anything any moar. Medication fucked me over.

 

[yonise4]

That word use to be such a trigger for me, my first therapist would have her notes posted after the session and when i read it, it broke me. its odd seeing how someone can dissect you, and i was described as someone with anhedonia. it feels and sounds like such a plain person. like im rlly nothing nothing i feel nothing

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I just hit 44 and I finally suspect that my anhedonia is incurable. My daily dose of adderall used to give me a boost, but I think I've become immune to it as well. My brain is probably 100% depleted of dopamine. I mindlessly play hundreds of 1 minute matches on chess.com a day, just to pass the time. I try to up my smoking everyday in the hopes of developing terminal lung cancer.

That's what I am saying. I,too,have NO dopamine. I've tried finding ways to get some or develop some. it's bone dry! Everything just feels like a chore. Stuff that used to mildly challenge me I don't ever bother with anymore Just "Fuck it" an let it rot in shit. It's really hard to find things to give off a sliver of joy, but just isn't happening.
I just want to thank everyone for their input. Been struggling with this for about a decade now. My wife is like "You going to be a psychopath now" she was joking and truth is if I were to lose myself. I'd rather CTB than hurt anyone else, because I know what it's like to hurt and never would I inflict pain to another A.K.A "Too nice".
However I'll just want to state is I do remember what it was like to be happy to some degree and enjoy things, but I just can't bring myself to do just that anymore. I have a lot of video games from my youth I could try beating, but I'll turn one on for about 5 mins and turn it off. I hate this, but fuck pills and counseling.. if you get something out of it. Great, but having been through that the vast majority of my life and I'd rather shove my fat face in dog shit.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I'm experiencing anhedonia myself. Even when I do something I really used to enjoy I get a few minutes of half-assed "happiness" then I return to my state of feeling low. Even food isn't as delicious as it once was.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I'm experiencing anhedonia myself. Even when I do something I really used to enjoy I get a few minutes of half-assed "happiness" then I return to my state of feeling low. Even food isn't as delicious as it once was.

Yes, that too. I used to love pizza, low mein and beef and broccoli.. they don't taste as amazing to me as they once have . My doctor wants me to try "celexa" and told him to fuck off. I like drinking. however that is a method as alcohol and celexa can cause "sudden death syndrome" but there are no guarantees.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Yes, that too. I used to love pizza, low mein and beef and broccoli.. they don't taste as amazing to me as they once have . My doctor wants me to try "celexa" and told him to fuck off. I like drinking. however that is a method as alcohol and celexa can cause "sudden death syndrome" but there are no guarantees.

Another one: I used to love to go to the gym, used to get so pumped up and full of energy and satisfied with myself, now I just go through the motions, "get the exercises done", no more enjoyment, I feel weak, no feeling of accomplishment. It sucks man.