how many of you are actively suicidal?

[ctbcat]

actively in this post's definition would be that you have a date / specific time set, and hands on methodology/equipment or are going to get your hands on some relatively soon.

i suppose it's a little silly to ask a forum based on catching the bus. but for about half a year now i have been passively suicidal - thought about it multiple times a day, and i still actively consider it an option and a solution, but with no specific orient towards it other than the fantasy of jumping (with no current perception of what areas would be viable to do such - mostly due to difficulty of accessibility to that info). i guess i just wonder how many people also actively think about it while remaining still and passive like i do. i feel a bit shameful about it - i made the vow i would die this year, actively worked towards it until april, then got found out by not hiding equipment well enough. i don't know.

i hope you guys see something pretty today. even through the window, if you can't will yourself to go out. a bird, or some cool clouds, maybe a dog being walked.

 

[dinosavr]

Even though it's a forum where you can see goodbye posts or stories about failed attempts, etc, it's still very very common to be a passively suicidal user. I believe there's actually more of these. We have many different reasons to do it or not to do it, and not considering suicide for real in the near future doesn't mean you aren't in pain and you don't need help. No! It's a horrible situation. Honestly, I think that I myself felt somewhat "better" when I was actively suicidal. It brings you some kind of comfort, an idea of a relief. What I see here more often though is a feeling of being completely stuck - not wanting to live, not wanting to die. I'm really sorry you're going through this:(

 

[TheHolySword]

I don't have a date set because right now it's not feasible to make a date 6-7 months in the future. But I'm currently getting everything I need for my method. So I guess kind of active but not ready to do anything yet. But if anything were to happen to me accidentally in the meantime that would work just as fine for me

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

I don't plan to see 2025, unless some miracle happens

 

[been__ready]

If you have even an ounce of hope I implore you to explore it and to get help to recover..

Personally -

I am currently sitting at the airport flying back home after flying across the country to CTB by jumping off of a bridge. My second failed attempt.

So I would say I'm very active unfortunately.. although I can still look around and see the beauty of life and how many people are enjoying it.

Unfortunately for my circumstances bipolar/bpd.. I feel as if all hope is lost for me.. I do wish I could live normally but that doesn't seem to be in the cards for me and im hoping to minimize continued suffering.

Wishing you all the best..

 

[Lish]

I can be dead within 72 hours, if we're being technical. Pesky laws forcing me to wait the moment of purchase.

Knowing that I can take out some frivolous loan and buy the firearm and take it to a hotel and just die feels comforting.

Unless something miraculous happens, I will keep perfecting my plan of how I will live my last days before that final flash of light. Still deciding on my final playlist.

 

[littleadonis]

I've made an exit bag. I've also ordered my gas cylinder and regulator which I plan to pick up in a couple of days.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

I have a frame of time in mind, and I've ordered the stuff I plan to use. Now it's just a matter of hoping it gets here in time, since both of them are experiencing delays. Hopefully they don't get worse with the Christmas season coming up.

actively in this post's definition would be that you have a date / specific time set, and hands on methodology/equipment or are going to get your hands on some relatively soon.

i suppose it's a little silly to ask a forum based on catching the bus. but for about half a year now i have been passively suicidal - thought about it multiple times a day, and i still actively consider it an option and a solution, but with no specific orient towards it other than the fantasy of jumping (with no current perception of what areas would be viable to do such - mostly due to difficulty of accessibility to that info). i guess i just wonder how many people also actively think about it while remaining still and passive like i do. i feel a bit shameful about it - i made the vow i would die this year, actively worked towards it until april, then got found out by not hiding equipment well enough. i don't know.

i hope you guys see something pretty today. even through the window, if you can't will yourself to go out. a bird, or some cool clouds, maybe a dog being walked.

A lot of people here are in the passive suicidal stage as well. I was too for a couple years before this one hit. I think a lot of people go through the same situation as you. I've seen a lot of people as of late saying that they stay alive for others, not themselves.

 

[cloudyskye]

I have my method at my fingertips. I cannot seem to actual do it. I am a coward and SI always beats me.

 

[username12345]

actively in this post's definition would be that you have a date / specific time set, and hands on methodology/equipment or are going to get your hands on some relatively soon.

i suppose it's a little silly to ask a forum based on catching the bus. but for about half a year now i have been passively suicidal - thought about it multiple times a day, and i still actively consider it an option and a solution, but with no specific orient towards it other than the fantasy of jumping (with no current perception of what areas would be viable to do such - mostly due to difficulty of accessibility to that info). i guess i just wonder how many people also actively think about it while remaining still and passive like i do. i feel a bit shameful about it - i made the vow i would die this year, actively worked towards it until april, then got found out by not hiding equipment well enough. i don't know.

i hope you guys see something pretty today. even through the window, if you can't will yourself to go out. a bird, or some cool clouds, maybe a dog being walked.

I think sometimes you are almost forced to be passively suicidal cause it's difficult to commit suicide tbh. Idk I'm normally an optimist so I always try to just figure things out but things have only gotten worse for years now. Anyway, my suicide attempts didn't work so I'm kind of at a loss.

 

[LostLily]

By that definition i am actively suicidal, my SN is in the mail right now and I have date of around September 2025. But if I feel better by then I will postpone it, knowing that I will have my SN as escape plan if I feel worse again

 

[VisionW0lf]

Actively. I know it will have to be after the 9th Dec but probably not much after. I have my rope and socks and I've been practising my knots. I'm making a playlist and I'm going to pick out my outfit this weekend. I've been passively suicidal most of my life

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Unfortunately I am not actively suicidal as there isn't a suicide method that I can do in the first place

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

I cannot call myself active because while I still want to do it, I need money. I make some money that is barely enough to sustain me and I don't want to risk spending so much money only to fail and suffer for till my next income comes around. I get irregular payments and that makes it even worse.

And I've been in this state for the past 2 years so I definitely can't say active

 

[BoredNTired]

My SN has been over a month in delivery and still says 17 days till arrival, but once it gets here I'm hopefully gone before the end of the year. If that doesn't work out, then I'll probably stick my head under a train or maybe try partial suspension.

 

[failureofahuman]

I have rope and have mastered the knots, I'm going to buy the stepladder on the final night, maybe try with a cloth if I need it. Need probably a flashlight, hair tie. I need to find a good forest and tree for my attempt. I'm hoping I will do it in the spring/summer, at 3am in the morning. If life gets better I won't complain but not putting effort into getting better

 

[mysideofthemountain]

I am actively working on making a will, organizing contacts who should be notified, wiping my data from the internet, and acquiring materials

 

[foreverlanguish]

I do have a date set to sometime between this month and February. I've already ordered the ALA, I just need to figure out how not to back out like last time and last time and last time. I'm trying not to get all impulsive either.

 

[cait_sith]

I have a hanging setup at home that I constantly obsess over, often going to the chair and putting neck through noose to desensitise myself

 

[waterbed]

Every night my date is tomorrow. I know what I'm gonna do. Every day I'm too tired and depressed to get out of bed to actually do it. I don't want to live anymore.