CumbriaCTB
Member
- Jul 15, 2025
- 51
By "found" I mean your actual physical corpse being found by an actual person and the location reported to the authorities for collection by the coroner. Being declared missing, merely suspected to have died in an unknown location, or being considered legally dead all don't count as being found. Somebody has to actually visually see your dead body, realise that it is indeed a corpse, and then report it to the authorities. The body/skeleton does not have to be identified as you specifically, just identified as a dead human.
I'll start: It would take up to 6 months for my body to be found.
Reasons Why I Won't Be Found Until Then
What might get me would be when I fail to respond to a review request from Universal Credit. Apparently they're supposed to be asking for bank statements every 6 months but my last assessment was in late January and so they should've come calling back in July but they haven't. The money still enters my account on the 11th of each month so I'm not complaining. I've even lost my benefits due to non-response before (albeit this was PIP) and all they did was unceremoniously stop the payments - no calls, no knocks on my door, nothing - until I phoned them and filled out some paperwork. Even then, I have enough money in that account to pay the rent for at least a year if the government ever stops paying me; Universal Credit and PIP (my next PIP review is apparently in 2029) are two completely seperate systems as well so both of them would have to be cut off for me to run a deficit as each individually is more than my monthly rent.
Come to think of it, it might actually take more than six months. Every June my landlord is legally obligated to send an engineer to ensure my gas boiler is still operating safely and they can indeed force entry if I'm too dead to open the door. Since it's September now, we'd be looking at a 10-month wait for my body to be found. By that time my corpse would likely just be a skeleton - the maggots would've been and gone - and all of the bones would be scattered on the floor after my dead body eventually falls off of the noose. It's actually quite pleasant to imagine myself being reduced to a pile of bones...
Many Thanks,
CumbriaCTB
I'll start: It would take up to 6 months for my body to be found.
Reasons Why I Won't Be Found Until Then
- I live alone.
- I am unemployed and so have no collegues to notice my absence.
- I have neither friends nor family to check on me.
- I withdrew from my (unsatisfying) social life in January '25 (ceased leaving the house completely in June) and none of my acquintances have done a welfare check yet.
- I don't speak to my neighbours (although we are on reasonably good terms).
- I am largely nocturnal so nobody actually sees me when I take out the bins; this would really be the only external sign that something is off and I don't think any of my neighbours think of me enough to notice "oh, CumbriaCTB hasn't put her bins out in a while". That and the grocery deliveries would obviously stop but even those mostly happen between 9-10pm and both neighbours either side also get their groceries delivered.
- The external walls of my property (I plan to CTB at home) are made of solid brick and I have double-glazed windows; the smell isn't getting out in large enough amounts to be clearly identified as "corpse smell" and not merely mistaken for manure (I live rural).
- My rent is paid directly by the government (I'm on welfare) so I will still be paying rent beyond the grave.
- My water bill is paid manually every 6 months. Even then, I didn't pay the bill for a while back in 2018 and merely received an angry letter from Unitied Utilities demanding I pay up.
- While my gas and electricity bills are paid manually each month, the standard procedure for non-payment of energy bills in the UK is to literally just cut off the supply to the property - no need to send in the bailiffs.
What might get me would be when I fail to respond to a review request from Universal Credit. Apparently they're supposed to be asking for bank statements every 6 months but my last assessment was in late January and so they should've come calling back in July but they haven't. The money still enters my account on the 11th of each month so I'm not complaining. I've even lost my benefits due to non-response before (albeit this was PIP) and all they did was unceremoniously stop the payments - no calls, no knocks on my door, nothing - until I phoned them and filled out some paperwork. Even then, I have enough money in that account to pay the rent for at least a year if the government ever stops paying me; Universal Credit and PIP (my next PIP review is apparently in 2029) are two completely seperate systems as well so both of them would have to be cut off for me to run a deficit as each individually is more than my monthly rent.
Come to think of it, it might actually take more than six months. Every June my landlord is legally obligated to send an engineer to ensure my gas boiler is still operating safely and they can indeed force entry if I'm too dead to open the door. Since it's September now, we'd be looking at a 10-month wait for my body to be found. By that time my corpse would likely just be a skeleton - the maggots would've been and gone - and all of the bones would be scattered on the floor after my dead body eventually falls off of the noose. It's actually quite pleasant to imagine myself being reduced to a pile of bones...
Many Thanks,
CumbriaCTB
