How long have you been wanting to ctb?

[divinemistress87]

I've been thinking about ctb everyday for 5 years. How long has everybody else been thinking about it?

 

[Unknown21]

For 7 years approximately. Pure hell.

 

[stargazingalone]

It started in 2018 for me, but got really bad during lockdown in 2020, and never got better

 

[Aim]

2,5 years. And thats way to long already to be suffering.

 

[butterfly000]

I think it might be 2 years by now.

 

[Squalo]

Seriously, for almost 10 years.
This year I'm ready.

 

[CatLover2000]

Since I was 13. I'm 23. So for 10 years. It's just now that I have a job and resources to get some SN. That's my preferred method anyway.

Seriously, for almost 10 years.
This year I'm ready.

Same, because I can't stand to deal with this any longer than I already have been.

 

[F@#$]

Around 30 years give or take.

 

[idonothing]

I've thought about killing myself every single day since I was 9 years old. I'm 23 now, so for about 14 years. Pretty unbelievable when you think about it, for more than half of my life.

 

[Abyssal]

Since about 8? It's been roughly 13 years.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Since about 1 - 2 years at most.

 

[Hollowman]

Off and on for 37 years.

 

[DepressedChemMajor]

12 years, give or take one

 

[ForsakenEcho]

Around 8 years, the idea comes and goes, some years it's more present, but I don't know if I'll ever be ready

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always wished to eternally not exist from what I remember, even when I was very young the thought of no longer existing comforted me so much. I see existence itself as the true problem, it's the ultimate source of all suffering so it makes sense to me wishing to be permanently free from it, existence will always be undesirable and burdensome.

 

[johann_liebert]

Already when I was a little child and brought a bad grade home and my parents scolded, me I put a knife on my chest wanting to stab me. Idk why I was always projecting everything onto myself. It seems like I was born to kill myself one day.

 

[Orange Cat]

I have been suicidal for 3 years.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

Since high school, that was my 1st CTB attempt. I probably would've succeeded if my family didn't intervene :/.

 

[Momrigsray]

seriously the last year
seriously the last year

 

[_Alfarooq_]

I've been thinking about ctb everyday for 5 years. How long has everybody else been thinking about it?

FOR 5 FREAKING YEARS?

I have been wanting to CTB for almost a year, and I definitely don't want to be like this for 5 years. It's going to be time for me to go in 2024 if the shit in my life doesnt change

 

[SoulWhisperer]

This is the 4th year... I can't no more...

 

[Defenestration]

2004

 

[neutralmilk]

I've been thinking about ctb everyday for 5 years. How long has everybody else been thinking about it?

I'm 24 now but I wanted to since I was 13. I had a lot more hope when I was younger tho because I thought that life after highschool and uni COULD be different. I thought there was a small chance that when I was an adult I would have a meaningful career, friends and a partner that I loved. But now I'm here and I don't have any of that. I can't even find a meaningful job because the only thing my degree can get me is fake office conversations and copy and pasting for the government.

 

[divinemistress87]

I'm 24 now but I wanted to since I was 13. I had a lot more hope when I was younger tho because I thought that life after highschool and uni COULD be different. I thought there was a small chance that when I was an adult I would have a meaningful career, friends and a partner that I loved. But now I'm here and I don't have any of that. I can't even find a meaningful job because the only thing my degree can get me is fake office conversations and copy and pasting for the government.

I know it doesn't feel like it but 24 is young and you still have lots of time to find those things. A lot people don't find partners or their careers till their 30s or 40s

 

[neutralmilk]

I know it doesn't feel like it but 24 is young and you still have lots of time to find those things. A lot people don't find partners or their careers till their 30s or 40s

its just that there is no more mystery of what the adult world could be like. now I know. the only way I could have hope for an after again is grad school. im also upset that I spent over 10 years hoping things would get better and nothing came of it. I waited for so long for nothing. I've been to so may counsellors, on so many meds, so many diagnoses and nothing

 

[Widdershins]

It's been 6 years. This past year more intensely than most.

 

[Celerity]

18 fucking years. My suicidal ideation is old enough to vote and get married. WTF

I know it doesn't feel like it but 24 is young and you still have lots of time to find those things. A lot people don't find partners or their careers till their 30s or 40s

40 is late to find a partner if you're a woman who wants kids. It's late even without the kids. I like your optimism though. I only have 10 years left to meet my self-imposed deadline. Yay me.

 

[wanttodie]

about 30 years

 

[FinishMe]

It first started when I was 13. I am now 38. I dealt with a lot of feelings that I wasn't wanted by anybody, family included. I made my first attempt to hang myself then, but was found and taken by ambulance to ED and then admitted. More recently I have been fighting depression and anxiety since 2018. I have lost 3 of my grandparents, my great uncle, and some long time friends. My finances have been hard to handle. I have had three brain surgeries, one spinal surgery, and one hand surgery in that time also. I have tried at least once a year to ctb using different methods. I have been admitted to a mental hospital three times in that time. I am now working out a new way to ctb.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

Since 2001?