Discussion How Long Have You Been Suicidal?

[ARW3N]

I remember as a kid having nightmares of being hanged for witchcraft and being magnetically pulled under the wheels of passing vehicles despite my best attempts to drag myself back onto the pavement.

 

[ARW3N]

my depression became rly noticeable when i was 7 and my mom took me to see a psychiatrist and i got put on meds. when i was 8 i was cleaning the kitchen with my brother and i thought about stabbing myself with a knife, but i didn't. i didn't have my first attempt until i was in 7th grade when i tried strangling myself in the school bathroom. since then i've been in and out of psych wards for different attempts. i haven't had any attempts even close to being successful tho. the most serious one was when i overdosed in the school bathroom freshman year and had to get put on an IV for three days before they sent me to yet another psych ward. but i guess my first thought of suicide was when i was 8. i'm 16 now and things have only gotten worse.

Say that again? Am I reading that correctly, you are 16?

 

[Ghost2211]

My first thoughts were around the age of 12. Prior to that age I didn't comprehend death was an option.

 

[ARW3N]

@etzo, you must be over 18 years old to use this site. Those are the rules. You are saying that you're 16 now, correct?

 

[TAW122]

I first had my thoughts of death probably as young as a kid (like in elementary school) but never thought about suicide until about age 12 or so, in middle school. It was very passive though and partly due to poor home life, poor school life. It wasn't until about adulthood and going to college did I actually seriously consider suicide to be an option. In a sense, you could say that I've been suicidal for most of my life, depending on which metric you consider. Now as far as actively suicidal, probably on and off, and have been for quite some time, the longest being several months, while the rest of the time, just passively suicidal.

 

[seho_j]

I first thought of suicide when I was 10. I lived on the 15th floor (still do) and I wanted to jump out the window and end it all. I would go up to my apartment building roof and just stare at the ground wondering what it would be like to be dead. I've thought of suicide almost every day since then, I don't know what I'm still doing alive, hahaha.

 

[FrailPaleStaleMaleSS]

Define suicidal I guess. I think at a true definition. I'm not currently suicidal. However I know it's inevitable, I often feel I want to retire from life, and I just don't have a constant urge to die. It's often semantics when people discuss it with me.

Currently I'm tolerating living, I'm indifferent to death and when the time comes it is what it is. But survival instinct, and not being totally overcome with an animalistic desire to die during the current time. I don't define it as suicidal. So it depends what you mean. A lot of people consider me to be so, I just consider myself in limbo. I'll consider myself suicidal when the day comes.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Had suicidal thoughts? 30 years. Tried off an on for years. Most recently it's gotten a lot worse.

 

[ARW3N]

Had suicidal thoughts? 30 years. Tried off an on for years. Most recently it's gotten a lot worse.

I have recurrent suicidal ideation, as it's technically termed, but find it extremely difficult to go from A to B and CTB. There's a finality about the actual act of suicide which I can't get my head around. As humans, we abhor a vacuum and death is a vacuum. We fill it with Near-Death Experiences and religious concepts of the afterlife because we can't tolerate a vacuum. Some have compared it to sleep but the finality of death is very different from sleep.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Since December 2018

 

[Nemeshisu]

It depends on your definition of suicidal.

I had pretty uncaring attidute towards my own life as long as i remember. I never was actually scared of death and as a kid i didn't mind too much if I died. I never thought this was a big deal. I wasn't actively suicidal as a child though and i tried to somehow survive.

I had my first thoughts of suicide at the age of 10 but I wasn't still in any way serious about it. I just realized that ending my life would be an option if life became too unbearable.

I am actively suicidal since I am 14 years old. At that time, I also had my first rather impulsive suicide attempt. Still, I think of suicide almost on daily basis since that day, and longest period that I had not thoughts about suicide must have been around 2 weeks. So I am actively suicidal for 4 years and a half.

 

[Squiddy]

First suicidal thought was at 14 due to bullying. Then it went away for a few years until I turned 19 and it's been there since, though the reasons keep changing

 

[ALittleBurden]

From the age of 13 - 14, I think (I'm 18 now). I've been through a lot even before that age, and if I were to reach deep into my memory, I believe I've been showing signs of mental issues even as a really young kiddo, but only as I got around the age of 13 I started to feel actually depressed, and at 13 - 14yo (partially because of some traumatic events) I started thinking about suicide. With each year my state kept getting worse and I started to become more aware of what situation I'm in. I never had enough courage to get to the phase of planning just until last year.

 

[ARW3N]

From the age of 13 - 14, I think (I'm 18 now). I've been through a lot even before that age, and if I were to reach deep into my memory, I believe I've been showing signs of mental issues even as a really young kiddo, but only as I got around the age of 13 I started to feel actually depressed, and at 13 - 14yo (partially because of some traumatic events) I started thinking about suicide. With each year my state kept getting worse and I started to become more aware of what situation I'm in. I never had enough courage to get to the phase of planning just until last year.

How old are you now?

 

[ALittleBurden]

How old are you now?

Bit over 18

 

[ARW3N]

Bit over 18

I'm confused! You previously mentioned that you were 18 and now you're saying that you're 18 and a bit. By how many months or days?

 

[ALittleBurden]

I'm confused! You previously mentioned that you were 18 and now you're saying that you're 18 and a bit. By how many months or days?

I just specified it this time. I'm 18 years and 4 months old, and I've been suicidal since 13 - 14yo

 

[Nenos]

It depends on your definition of suicidal.

I had pretty uncaring attidute towards my own life as long as i remember.

Same here--I remember trying to argue with my doctor that every day ideation doesn't mean I'm suicidal. It barely makes sense to myself, but I just want to exit; and if ctb is the way to exit then I gotta ctb.

 

[mesohappy]

I had my first suicidal thoughts at 15 years old..I don't think it was anything as serious as what Im going through now at 43 though.At 15 I was just in a bad place and considered that death is an option.Somehow I've managed to stumble and bungle my way through all these years to this point.I had quite a few good times along the way,that Im glad I didn't miss out on.Its been a rollercoaster ride.I think Im ready to get off now though.I don't really care to see whats coming next.Have no desire to wait till my health has completely failed and everything has crumbled around me.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

Since 1984 strangely, on andoff of course. An event then that changed my life that cannot be fixed. Has been in the back of my mind since. Unthinkable up until then.

 

[Retard]

I was terrified of death when I was a child because I didn't think I'd get into heaven due to a condition I was born with (i.e. because of medical intervention, it seemed that my life had been artificially extended and so wasn't "natural"). However, over time the prospect of death has become a blessing and I've shed all notions of an afterlife. First started feeling truly suicidal at roughly age 20; my first proper attempt was at around 23. Currently 27.

Interesting thread you've created. Did you consider implementing a poll, or were you looking more to initiate some discussions?

 

[BPD Barbie]

Had my first overdose at 14 and I'm now 29 with a handful of attempts in between.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

I was 7 (so 50 years ago) the first time that I wished that I was dead, but actual suicidal plans started at age 12.

 

[Flippy]

I remember wanting to be dead when I was 3. I didn't have the slightest clue what "suicidal' was. Not sure if I could call it legitimately suicidal. I just thought being dead meant that I could escape from some shit. The time when I can remember I started thinking through methods I was about 8. I thought about running in front of cars or jumping off a bridge quite often or stabbing myself.

 

[squirtsoda]

12 and now 29

 

[Supersadmommy90]

off and on since the age of 21, but in my younger days I just toyed with the concept, it used to be easy to pull myself out of it after a bad day. But consistently suicidal to where I'm affected for days on end, and can't easily shake the urge, I would say for about the last year, I'm 30 yo now.
lol at the amount of suicidal millennials around my age in this thread, I'm a bit humbled and comforted by the fact that so many in their late 20's and early 30's feel like they already want to throw in the towel, maybe I'm not so lonely in the sense of feeling like an underachiever.

 

[TheOA]

Since age 19.

 

[Abaigh]

Since I was 11/12

 

[S1mpleme]

Not sure, about few months.

 

[Mr2005]

A decade now