Venting How in the world am I supposed to move on without closure.

[Angel of Spades]

This won't be as put-together as I'd like it to be, despite the fact that I try so hard to maintain some semblance of being okay. I only write like this because it makes me feel like maybe I am in control, and maybe I do know what I'm doing, but I really don't.

I just can't talk to anyone about the shit I'm going through, and the one person that I could talk to who would understand is the whole reason behind my troubles. One of my friends, she won't talk to me anymore, and I just wish she'd at least tell me to fuck off or tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it. She won't. I tried to get my closure myself, and I convinced myself it worked, and then I had two dreams about her in a single week and it undid everything I thought I had already moved on from.

Just feels like shit, honestly, not being able to let go. Sometimes I wish we'd never met, because I went through too much to go out with a whimper. At least if she made me lose her, it could have been horrible and terrible and Loud. But it was silent. She just... left.

Wish I could verbalize things better right now, but I feel absolutely horrible and I don't even have people to talk to about my problems. This is really just my last resort, I just don't know how I'm supposed to be alive when I can barely function without always thinking about this. About her. It sucks and I hate it, but it is what it is. Can't go back in time and change it now, as much as I'd like to.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just don't believe that other people can be relied on after all, it must be dreadful and tiring what you are going through. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Angel of Spades]

I just don't believe that other people can be relied on after all, it must be dreadful and tiring what you are going through. But anyway I wish you the best.

It really is quite troubling. She was someone I thought I could rely on, and someone who I told everything to, since I did know I could trust her. But... in the end, she left like everyone else, so what did it matter.

Thank you, though, I'm trying to work out the kinks and just wait out some things but if things look up and everything goes smoothly, then I may be able to send a goodbye thread a year or two from now.

 

[kindalone]

It really sucks to be left like that without given any reason and now you have pick up the pieces yourself and make something up so that it's logical. I bet your brain is working overtime, trying to work out why she left you like that and it usually veers on the side of you having control, which always makes you the bad guy. Just for the sake of closure, it probably wasn't really your fault. At the end of the day, we can't control what people feel and things could be unrelated to you or your actions. I myself have left people without a word, because of depression and outside factors. So don't beat yourself up too much.

 

[FindingHome]

I wonder in my life if some of the things I have gone through if I will ever find closure or will ending my life give me the closure I need.

 

[Angel of Spades]

It really sucks to be left like that without given any reason and now you have pick up the pieces yourself and make something up so that it's logical. I bet your brain is working overtime, trying to work out why she left you like that and it usually veers on the side of you having control, which always makes you the bad guy. Just for the sake of closure, it probably wasn't really your fault. At the end of the day, we can't control what people feel and things could be unrelated to you or your actions. I myself have left people without a word, because of depression and outside factors. So don't beat yourself up too much.

Wow, you really Really get it. It feels exactly like that — I really just can't understand why in the world she just up and left, but what can I really do? I always think "maybe I could have fixed it", but I'm getting better at telling myself "she didn't tell you what went wrong, so you don't know that". Plus, at this point, I've gotten the clear message she's not at all interested in talking any further, so there's really no point in pushing the matter.

Thank you, though. I really do appreciate the kind words :) I'll try not to let it get to me too much, but it is also relieving in a way, because this situation was the push I needed to really figure out what the hell I want to do with myself and my future.

I wonder in my life if some of the things I have gone through if I will ever find closure or will ending my life give me the closure I need.

I totally understand that. Lots of things feel so unfinished, and it's more than a little annoying that some things are just... always left unfinished. It borders on frustrating to infuriating sometimes for me to think that someone out there has the closure I need for something, but I'll never get it because I can never get to that person ever again.

I personally do believe that ending my life will tie up all the loose knots and threads that are still dangling over my head. Of course, it's different for everyone, but there's no closure to be needed if you're not alive enough to want it, right?

 

[todienomore]

Write them a letter even if you cant send it.

 

[secretsfromthecity]

Just feels like shit, honestly, not being able to let go. Sometimes I wish we'd never met, because I went through too much to go out with a whimper. At least I just don't know how I'm supposed to be alive when I can barely function without always thinking about this. About her. It sucks and I hate it, but it is what it is. Can't go back in time and change it now, as much as I'd like to.

i feel the exact same way with my ex boyfriend..he has moved on so quickly and filed a restraining order against me..all i want is for him to come thru my front door. i can't move on no matter how hard i try. i feel like CTB is the only way out for me.

 

[404]

I just can't talk to anyone about the shit I'm going through, and the one person that I could talk to who would understand is the whole reason behind my troubles. One of my friends, she won't talk to me anymore, and I just wish she'd at least tell me to fuck off or tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it. She won't. I tried to get my closure myself, and I convinced myself it worked, and then I had two dreams about her in a single week and it undid everything I thought I had already moved on from.

i feel the same really

everytime i try to do something to distract myself from the pain of losing my only friend i always get reminded of him somehow and i will just end up crying so much

i always dream about him too and i wish that im unconcious 24/7 so that he'll at least be with me in my dreams