Discussion How I managed to ease up the fear of death as well as CTB. What are your feelings?

[Deleted-User-0]

Just to shed some light on the fact that I'm not claiming I'm not scared of death and CTB etc I'm simply another human being with the same biological survival instincts.
Saying that, within the last few months as I became serious about my CTB I started freaking out with the rush of billions of thoughts into my head I'm sure you can imagine what kind of thoughts they are if you are on the same path.
But gradually I started remembering my 2 near death experiences first when I was a child drowning in a swimming pool second while I was diving in Malta also my recent surgery where I became unconscious as a result of anaesthetics.
Remembering those moments gradually eased up the thought of CTB and the thought of not being here that's why I decided to share my thoughts on that.
The near death experiences in water were not scary at all as I reached the give up moment and the let go moment actually those very particular moments were the most peaceful moments of my life when I was about to cross over the line. In those moments all of a sudden all the earthly burden from my shoulders were taken off I felt light and simply beautiful there were no worries, fears etc.
Also in my recent surgery after anaesthetics (to me this was one of the closest experiences to non existence because when you are sleeping your subconscious mind is still fully operating at the background hence dreams etc ) I experienced the entire brain shut down there was absolutely nothing for 2-3 hours truly a unique experience and I always say those were the most beautiful 2-3 hours of my life. As soon as I opened my eyes I immediately felt those heavy earthly burdens again.
To summarise I think what I am trying to say is that it's natural to have fears and worries when it comes to CTB because as human beings we have no idea what happens (if anything happens at all) after CTB but just going through my personal closest moments to non existence that I realise not only they weren't scary but a truly beautiful and light transition from the horror of life. Reviewing these thoughts actually brings me so much peace.
I would like to know if anyone else has any similar experiences and how they felt afterwards?

 

[Amossoma543]

Just to shed some light on the fact that I'm not claiming I'm not scared of death and CTB etc I'm simply another human being with the same biological survival instincts.
Saying that, within the last few months as I became serious about my CTB I started freaking out with the rush of billions of thoughts into my head I'm sure you can imagine what kind of thoughts they are if you are on the same path.
But gradually I started remembering my 2 near death experiences first when I was a child drowning in a swimming pool second while I was diving in Malta also my recent surgery where I became unconscious as a result of anaesthetics.
Remembering those moments gradually eased up the thought of CTB and the thought of not being here that's why I decided to share my thoughts on that.
The near death experiences in water were not scary at all as I reached the give up moment and the let go moment actually those very particular moments were the most peaceful moments of my life when I was about to cross over the line. In those moments all of a sudden all the earthly burden from my shoulders were taken off I felt light and simply beautiful there were no worries, fears etc.
Also in my recent surgery after anaesthetics (to me this was one of the closest experiences to non existence because when you are sleeping your subconscious mind is still fully operating at the background hence dreams etc ) I experienced the entire brain shut down there was absolutely nothing for 2-3 hours truly a unique experience and I always say those were the most beautiful 2-3 hours of my life. As soon as I opened my eyes I immediately felt those heavy earthly burdens again.
To summarise I think what I am trying to say is that it's natural to have fears and worries when it comes to CTB because as human beings we have no idea what happens (if anything happens at all) after CTB but just going through my personal closest moments to non existence that I realise not only they weren't scary but a truly beautiful and light transition and reviewing these thoughts actually brings me so much peace.
I would like to know if anyone else has any similar experiences and how they felt afterwards?

You aptly described exactly the types of thoughts I have. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid of FEAR. Imagine that...fearful of being fearful. :P But that's it. I'm not much afraid of the SN not killing me...I am pretty sure, based on the planning, that it's going to work. It's as you said: fear of taking the step.

I also have become more desensitized even in the past two days. I remember that many, many people I have loved have already done this...as have billions of people before us. It's not some novel experience. It's nothing new. People make the journey in few seconds, in fact. As I've typed this, dozens of people have died. And we are all going to die eventually anyway. Still...that survival instinct kicks in. But I think, like you suggest, that warming up to the idea is key.

The first time it really hit me that I have to actually do it to do it...I went through a very panicky, anxious state. This was just two days ago. But already, I feel more comfortable as I keep getting used to the idea. This would set off alarm bells for the anti-suicide community, because they would say that people like me (and you) are at such a higher risk for successful suicide, because we are doing what one needs to do to prepare: we are practicing the idea in our head. Kurt Cobain did this, in fact. He watched a gun-shot-to-the-head suicide news clip over and over before he got the courage to do it himself.

In the past two days, I've read of the many cases of successful suicide using SN...and this has helped me become desensitized to the idea. I think this is going to be key for me. I am hoping to get the courage up to do it tomorrow, in fact. The sooner the better. Every time I sit down to think about the pros and cons of ending my life...it's no contest. A veritable miracle would need to happen to make me want to stay here. I am done. I am through finding meaning. I have no more future endeavors I want to accomplish. I have no long-term goals. The two people in my life I cared about the most have already died...now I just want to make that journey.

I've been on this bus ride long enough. And it's a bus ride I never even agreed to. If I get off in 50 years...or today, it's still the same place when I step down. Peace and love to you.

 

[Deleted-User-0]

You aptly described exactly the types of thoughts I have. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid of FEAR. Imagine that...fearful of being fearful. :P But that's it. I'm not much afraid of the SN not killing me...I am pretty sure, based on the planning, that it's going to work. It's as you said: fear of taking the step.

I also have become more desensitized even in the past two days. I remember that many, many people I have loved have already done this...as have billions of people before us. It's not some novel experience. It's nothing new. People make the journey in few seconds, in fact. As I've typed this, dozens of people have died. And we are all going to die eventually anyway. Still...that survival instinct kicks in. But I think, like you suggest, that warming up to the idea is key.

The first time it really hit me that I have to actually do it to do it...I went through a very panicky, anxious state. This was just two days ago. But already, I feel more comfortable as I keep getting used to the idea. This would set off alarm bells for the anti-suicide community, because they would say that people like me (and you) are at such a higher risk for successful suicide, because we are doing what one needs to do to prepare: we are practicing the idea in our head. Kurt Cobain did this, in fact. He watched a gun-shot-to-the-head suicide news clip over and over before he got the courage to do it himself.

In the past two days, I've read of the many cases of successful suicide using SN...and this has helped me become desensitized to the idea. I think this is going to be key for me. I am hoping to get the courage up to do it tomorrow, in fact. The sooner the better. Every time I sit down to think about the pros and cons of ending my life...it's no contest. A veritable miracle would need to happen to make me want to stay here. I am done. I am through finding meaning. I have no more future endeavors I want to accomplish. I have no long-term goals. The two people in my life I cared about the most have already died...now I just want to make that journey.

I've been on this bus ride long enough. And it's a bus ride I never even agreed to. If I get off in 50 years...or today, it's still the same place when I step down. Peace and love to you.

My prayers with you and may you find peace and love whatever route you decide to take

 

[TAW122]

Interesting read and story. I too, had a similar NDE (Near Death Experience) when I was young as well and yes, it is in a swimming pool. I was going to the deep end (like 6ft+) and I was only four or five at that time, and then the next thing I remember was going underwater and then blacking out. I was unconscious and didn't wake up until I was back at the apartment. I think either my mother or father saved me. I couldn't remember (as I was unconscious) what happened between drowning and waking up in the living room of the apartment. This happened over 25 years ago. I'd imagine when I die it would be similar to that if I went through with it.

The only things that I may be fearful is failure and/or hesitation when the time really came as I cannot 100% guarantee that I will have it successfully at the moment that I wish to CTB. So far, on paper and in theory, I should be fine (in other words, I too, would not know until I am actually in the situation in the moment, but just based on my knowledge and experiences with NDE and the concept of death, I'd imagine myself fearless towards death). Another fear is the fallout after failure which includes but not limited to loss of method, permanent damage, and/or loss of certain rights and access to various methods to CTB.

 

[Aeathelina]

Wow well written. I've never been able to put into words why Death and CTB don't scare and you nailed it perfectly. I've had four suicide attempts with pills and one near death due to anesthesia reaction as well. I'm not scared if dying in anyway but the finality of it. Once I take that step forward I cannot come back if I'm taking a sure fire way out. I have people in this world that care about me but I view my existence in this world as a curse on others because I cannot function as normal tax paying member of society.
To be honest I'm ready to get off this trip, its been too long of a ride.

 

[Amossoma543]

Another fear is the fallout after failure which includes but not limited to loss of method, permanent damage, and/or loss of certain rights and access to various methods to CTB.

Yes. This is a big one for me. If I fail, it changes everything. EVERYTHING. I would never live it down, no pun intended. The questions that would arise, the social interactions I'd be forced the have. The interactions with people I never want to talk to...just waking up in an ER with a friggin doctor or nurse standing there demanding answers...family members I don't want to see or talk to. Ugh...the thought of all of this is very terrifying.

Wow well written. I've never been able to put into words why Death and CTB don't scare and you nailed it perfectly. I've had four suicide attempts with pills and one near death due to anesthesia reaction as well. I'm not scared if dying in anyway but the finality of it. Once I take that step forward I cannot come back if I'm taking a sure fire way out. I have people in this world that care about me but I view my existence in this world as a curse on others because I cannot function as normal tax paying member of society.
To be honest I'm ready to get off this trip, its been too long of a ride.

Exactly. The fear of the finality of is is not a small thing. That's why I wish it could be instant. That way there's no time for regret. Sure we need time to work up to it, but if it were as simple as pushing a pain-free, drama-free button and then it'd be over...that would make it so much easier. Why does EVERYTHING have to be difficult? Sigh. What you wrote at the end...my existence is (and will be) a curse on others. They will say, "No, not at all," but that's not honesty. As much as I miss my mother, as much as I wanted her to live...when she was dying of cancer, I knew that her quick death before she suffered was best. And we all knew it. Of course nobody said, "Wow, I'm glad we didn't have the burden of watching her suffer and scream and watching her waste away," but everybody thought that. And that didn't change our love for her at all. But in our hearts...we knew it was a relief on her and us that she went quickly, before her life became a huge burden on everybody. That is not heartless at all...it's just reality. We should be okay with reality.

I know that if I keep living, my life is going to become a burden on others in ways they will secretly hate. I know this, even if they stood before me and said "No, we love you and want you here." Yes, I know people want me here...but it'll be so much simpler and better in the long run if I die before things get complicated and then I really, really, really, really, really will regret having waited.

 

[calendulo]

Also in my recent surgery after anaesthetics (to me this was one of the closest experiences to non existence because when you are sleeping your subconscious mind is still fully operating at the background hence dreams etc ) I experienced the entire brain shut down there was absolutely nothing for 2-3 hours truly a unique experience and I always say those were the most beautiful 2-3 hours of my life. As soon as I opened my eyes I immediately felt those heavy earthly burdens again.
To summarise I think what I am trying to say is that it's natural to have fears and worries when it comes to CTB because as human beings we have no idea what happens (if anything happens at all) after CTB but just going through my personal closest moments to non existence that I realise not only they weren't scary but a truly beautiful and light transition from the horror of life. Reviewing these thoughts actually brings me so much peace.
I would like to know if anyone else has any similar experiences and how they felt afterwards?

I am totally agree with your experience.

The whole post is very good, congratulations; but I have summarized these paragraphs because I was looking for a translation in english about the feelings and sensations to test my method, and I think that you explain it so fine.

I almost was twenty hours, however when I woke up...it not was on an usual way. I felt as it was a gap. Between the consciouness and the unconsciouness, like if I had wake up one century later, like I had spend a lot of time.

Maybe shut down was an accurate definition.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

You aptly described exactly the types of thoughts I have. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid of FEAR. Imagine that...fearful of being fearful. :P But that's it. I'm not much afraid of the SN not killing me...I am pretty sure, based on the planning, that it's going to work. It's as you said: fear of taking the step.

I also have become more desensitized even in the past two days. I remember that many, many people I have loved have already done this...as have billions of people before us. It's not some novel experience. It's nothing new. People make the journey in few seconds, in fact. As I've typed this, dozens of people have died. And we are all going to die eventually anyway. Still...that survival instinct kicks in. But I think, like you suggest, that warming up to the idea is key.

The first time it really hit me that I have to actually do it to do it...I went through a very panicky, anxious state. This was just two days ago. But already, I feel more comfortable as I keep getting used to the idea. This would set off alarm bells for the anti-suicide community, because they would say that people like me (and you) are at such a higher risk for successful suicide, because we are doing what one needs to do to prepare: we are practicing the idea in our head. Kurt Cobain did this, in fact. He watched a gun-shot-to-the-head suicide news clip over and over before he got the courage to do it himself.

In the past two days, I've read of the many cases of successful suicide using SN...and this has helped me become desensitized to the idea. I think this is going to be key for me.

In the past two days, I've read of the many cases of successful suicide using SN...and this has helped me become desensitized to the idea. I think this is going to be key for me.

Amazing post . Where did you read of the many cases of successful suicide using SN ? What threads or links?. I need to reread those to build my courage. I want to ctb. Yes i believe practicing ,visualizing reading will desensitize and me help me to accomplish my goal suicide. That's why my signature is practice makes perfect.

 

[SpaceForGrace]

As much as I miss my mother, as much as I wanted her to live...when she was dying of cancer, I knew that her quick death before she suffered was best. And we all knew it. Of course nobody said, "Wow, I'm glad we didn't have the burden of watching her suffer and scream and watching her waste away," but everybody thought that. And that didn't change our love for her at all. But in our hearts...we knew it was a relief on her and us that she went quickly, before her life became a huge burden on everybody. That is not heartless at all...it's just reality. We should be okay with reality.

I am so sorry for your loss @Amossoma543... Your Mother must have loved you so much, and you, her.

I am in a similar situation as your Mother. Thank you for sharing what you felt as a daughter - I found some courage and grace in your experience and I will summon that when the time
comes.

All the best to you and may your decisions lead you to peace.

 

[Amossoma543]

I am so sorry for your loss @Amossoma543... Your Mother must have loved you so much, and you, her.

I am in a similar situation as your Mother. Thank you for sharing what you felt as a daughter - I found some courage and grace in your experience and I will summon that when the time
comes.

All the best to you and may your decisions lead you to peace.

Oh, that makes me so happy for you. I'm sorry for whatever you are facing...but I am glad you've found this community, one where you can find comfort, peace, and a place to express your feelings freely about an issue that is obviously very important. That's why many of us come here and keep coming back: where else can we openly talk about these very sensitive and real issues without judgment? Bright Blessings to you.

Amazing post . Where did you read of the many cases of successful suicide using SN ? What threads or links?. I need to reread those to build my courage. I want to ctb. Yes i believe practicing ,visualizing reading will desensitize and me help me to accomplish my goal suicide. That's why my signature is practice makes perfect.

Amazing post . Where did you read of the many cases of successful suicide using SN ? What threads or links?. I need to reread those to build my courage. I want to ctb. Yes i believe practicing ,visualizing reading will desensitize and me help me to accomplish my goal suicide. That's why my signature is practice makes perfect.
[/QUO

I can't post a link, because I can't remember exactly where it was...but I do know that it was in Stan's thread giving the SN instructions, and I think that led to the Wiki page where there are linked stories of successful SN. It seems pretty clear that SN is a very reliable method, as long as you are committed and follow the instructions as closely as you can. With enough time so that you're not discovered, and without giving in to the urge to call for help yourself, it seems pretty likely that, even if you vomit...you can still be successful if you drink more to replace it. Stan himself used this method and was successful...he made 3 small concoctions of the drink...and even stated that he will not fail. That gives me inspiration.

Look for Stan's guide...that thread...and then follow the links to the stories, the WIKI Page and other resources they give. I wish you Bright Blessings on your journey. It's a bit scary at times...but ultimately what we've faced in our individual lives is far more scary, I think. I know this is the case for me, anyway.

 

[Majin K.]

As an atheist what helped me warm up to the idea is coming to the conclusion that the length of our lives is completely irrelevant. Either way we will all die. We won't even remember that we ever lived or notice that we'll be dead. It'll be like we were never born in the first place. We can only delay the inevitable for so long. The pain I'll inflict upon others? Won't matter. Without our consciousness we won't be capable of feeling such a thing as regret. If I successfully managed to CTB 2 weeks ago I wouldn't even be capable of typing this comment. But if I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't even remember that I typed this comment right now. I've fallen deeply into nihilism. If I won't even keep my memories once I'm dead, then nothing I do truly matters anyways.

 

[Amossoma543]

As an atheist what helped me warm up to the idea is coming to the conclusion that the length of our lives is completely irrelevant. Either way we will all die. We won't even remember that we ever lived or notice that we'll be dead. It'll be like we were never born in the first place. We can only delay the inevitable for so long. The pain I'll inflict upon others? Won't matter. Without our consciousness we won't be capable of feeling such a thing as regret. If I successfully managed to CTB 2 weeks ago I wouldn't even be capable of typing this comment. But if I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't even remember that I typed this comment right now. I've fallen deeply into nihilism. If I won't even keep my memories once I'm dead, then nothing I do truly matters anyways.

This is very close to my line of thinking. I'm actually planning to CTB today. It's the perfect day for it, I've worked myself up, I'm not terrified, but anxiety is there. I have Xanax and Ambien for that. I did a dry run yesterday, preparing the solution (it's a much smaller amount of water than I pictured. Barely above a shot...if even that.) I'll have 3 set there in case I vomit. From the account here I read recently, it should be relatively easy and painless, although from the groaning and sounds, the friend who watched said there was some discomfort.

My life cannot get any better...I'm just putting off the inevitable, and the longer I wait, the harder it's going to be...and the more things will begin to fall apart. I won't know that I've done it afterwards, most of the people I love and truly care for have already gone...and dying is not some novel, new, or unique process or action...dozens of people have already done it in the time it's taken me to write this. It's just when you feel like you're next in line...it does create that anxiety. But I need to push beyond that.

Yesterday I had an image in my head of how my life feels at this moment: I'm standing on the high diving board. I have to jump, because there is a gigantic, heavy line of people behind me, so I cannot go backwards. The only easy way down is the easy jump...if I refuse, I will inconvenience many, many people, it will cause me far more complications than I already have now...and then I'll just curse myself for wasting the chance while I'm standing here, this close. It is time. I'm only putting off the inevitable.

 

[Majin K.]

This is very close to my line of thinking. I'm actually planning to CTB today. It's the perfect day for it, I've worked myself up, I'm not terrified, but anxiety is there. I have Xanax and Ambien for that. I did a dry run yesterday, preparing the solution (it's a much smaller amount of water than I pictured. Barely above a shot...if even that.) I'll have 3 set there in case I vomit. From the account here I read recently, it should be relatively easy and painless, although from the groaning and sounds, the friend who watched said there was some discomfort.

My life cannot get any better...I'm just putting off the inevitable, and the longer I wait, the harder it's going to be...and the more things will begin to fall apart. I won't know that I've done it afterwards, most of the people I love and truly care for have already gone...and dying is not some novel, new, or unique process or action...dozens of people have already done it in the time it's taken me to write this. It's just when you feel like you're next in line...it does create that anxiety. But I need to push beyond that.

Yesterday I had an image in my head of how my life feels at this moment: I'm standing on the high diving board. I have to jump, because there is a gigantic, heavy line of people behind me, so I cannot go backwards. The only easy way down is the easy jump...if I refuse, I will inconvenience many, many people, it will cause me far more complications than I already have now...and then I'll just curse myself for wasting the chance while I'm standing here, this close. It is time. I'm only putting off the inevitable.

I have unsuccessfully attempted both night night and partial hanging several times, but now I know where I went wrong. The longer I stay around, the worse my life will become. My life is a dead end. If only I found this site earlier, then I could have easily attempted any method I please when I had the house 2 weeks entirely for myself. Now however my options are limited.

 

[Amossoma543]

I have unsuccessfully attempted both night night and partial hanging several times, but now I know where I went wrong. The longer I stay around, the worse my life will become. My life is a dead end. If only I found this site earlier, then I could have easily attempted any method I please when I had the house 2 weeks entirely for myself. Now however my options are limited.

Yes, convenient times are important. I will be found later this evening...and I know it will be unpleasant for the person, but there's no way to make this totally stress-free for others. It's a death. I wish you success on whatever path you choose. It's important that we stay in the driver's seat where this issue is concerned. If you decide to stay, I want that decision to be yours. Peace and blessings.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

Not SN, but the more I experiment with partial hanging as I know my sweet spot, that seems not a bad way to go. It has lessened my SI but not just yet. Also I have another method that there is no fail. I do believe that there ,will come a time when all fear and doubt will be gone and that will be my time. Until then, I just keep practicing to desensitize my SI

 

[LastRide]

@Diver_K_A - thanks for sharing your ND experiences !
I can totally relate. I have very poor health and had to undergo numerous surgeries under prolonged general anaesthesia. I loved not being conscious, and everytime I woke up afterwards I was sorely disappointed....I also survived two suicide attempts, first one with pills (wrong ones as I now know ! even very very high doses of benzos won't kill you), that was a bit boring I must say, not much difference from just feeling tired and going to sleep. My last thought was that I was probably going to hell for doing this, which is a very bizarre thought to have for me since I am not at all religious ! Second attempt, hanging (partial), was a lot better, some discomfort at first but then you ease into it and the last minute or so before unconsciousness sets in was one of the most pleasant ones in my life. I'd say even it was orgasmic ! Oxygen deprivation triggers some very nice things in your brain as it dies. Just your fucking body plays tricks on you...mine must have started trashing around like crazy once I lost consciousness since I woke up with my head banging on the floor because the belt had been ripped off the anchorpoint....I cried with disappointment ! So now, third time round, I want to get it absolutely right ! I've chosen my method - gunshot to the head, sure to work, quick and painless ! But the only thing I'll regret is not getting that last beautiful dying rush that you get with other methods, because well, you go out like a light it's simply too quick for your brain to have those last experiences. So that makes me wonder whether I should not do something different so I can enjoy my "Last Ride" (hence my choice of name here on SS). What do people think? Better go quickly and painlessly and not feel anything, or accept some discomfort but get rewarded with one last rush of true blissful happiness as you feel yourself dying? Please let me hear your thoughts on this, it's a topic that genuinely interests me !

 

[Deleted-User-0]

@Diver_K_A - thanks for sharing your ND experiences !
I can totally relate. I have very poor health and had to undergo numerous surgeries under prolonged general anaesthesia. I loved not being conscious, and everytime I woke up afterwards I was sorely disappointed....I also survived two suicide attempts, first one with pills (wrong ones as I now know ! even very very high doses of benzos won't kill you), that was a bit boring I must say, not much difference from just feeling tired and going to sleep. My last thought was that I was probably going to hell for doing this, which is a very bizarre thought to have for me since I am not at all religious ! Second attempt, hanging (partial), was a lot better, some discomfort at first but then you ease into it and the last minute or so before unconsciousness sets in was one of the most pleasant ones in my life. I'd say even it was orgasmic ! Oxygen deprivation triggers some very nice things in your brain as it dies. Just your fucking body plays tricks on you...mine must have started trashing around like crazy once I lost consciousness since I woke up with my head banging on the floor because the belt had been ripped off the anchorpoint....I cried with disappointment ! So now, third time round, I want to get it absolutely right ! I've chosen my method - gunshot to the head, sure to work, quick and painless ! But the only thing I'll regret is not getting that last beautiful dying rush that you get with other methods, because well, you go out like a light it's simply too quick for your brain to have those last experiences. So that makes me wonder whether I should not do something different so I can enjoy my "Last Ride" (hence my choice of name here on SS). What do people think? Better go quickly and painlessly and not feel anything, or accept some discomfort but get rewarded with one last rush of true blissful happiness as you feel yourself dying? Please let me hear your thoughts on this, it's a topic that genuinely interests me !

My favourite method is defiantly gunshot but firearms are not allowed in the UK. So you are actually blessed to have access to them.
I would say it depends what you are trying achieve. If you want to play with death and get a buzz out of it for a while then you can try other stuff. But if you are 100% serious and made up your mind then according to statistics gunshot is the highest rate of success.
Have a look at this link.

Most lethal methods of suicide | Lost All Hope: The web's leading suicide resource

Information on most lethal methods of suicide, and how they have been ranked in terms of pain. Plus info on things to consider before trying popular methods.

lostallhope.com

 

[Jean4]

I have no fears. I'm in Hell now. What could be worse?

 

[Majin K.]

If I had access to a gun I would definitely use it. Partial hanging is just not for me. I always get a choking reflex. Idk how people manage to strangle themselves painlessly or how they even enjoy it.

 

[LastRide]

My favourite method is defiantly gunshot but firearms are not allowed in the UK. So you are actually blessed to have access to them.
I would say it depends what you are trying achieve. If you want to play with death and get a buzz out of it for a while then you can try other stuff. But if you are 100% serious and made up your mind then according to statistics gunshot is the highest rate of success.
Have a look at this link.

Most lethal methods of suicide | Lost All Hope: The web's leading suicide resource

Information on most lethal methods of suicide, and how they have been ranked in terms of pain. Plus info on things to consider before trying popular methods.

lostallhope.com

Yes thanks I am totally aware of the luck I have to have access to firearms, and that's why it was my chosen CTB method - no more playing around this is serious shit and it doesn't even hurt ! WOW ! cool ! but then read about my previous experiences....there is a nice time before you go - you know it, that's why I loved your post ! Shall I sacrifice the nice time I might have before I go for a sure painless fast method? that's the question I am asking myself and hence my post and asking people to comment....sorry to be a bother to all of you, but it's just running around in my mind right now....sorry if I am a pain in the arse...I am kind of used to it anyway....just being me....now you know why I need to go....

If I had access to a gun I would definitely use it. Partial hanging is just not for me. I always get a choking reflex. Idk how people manage to strangle themselves painlessly or how they even enjoy it.

Well...there was a not nice part for about 1 minute or so and then it was great....depends on what you want....a bit of pain to have a blissful exit or....

 

[Majin K.]

Yes thanks I am totally aware of the luck I have to have access to firearms, and that's why it was my chosen CTB method - no more playing around this is serious shit and it doesn't even hurt ! WOW ! cool ! but then read about my previous experiences....there is a nice time before you go - you know it, that's why I loved your post ! Shall I sacrifice the nice time I might have before I go for a sure painless fast method? that's the question I am asking myself and hence my post and asking people to comment....sorry to be a bother to all of you, but it's just running around in my mind right now....sorry if I am a pain in the arse...I am kind of used to it anyway....just being me....now you know why I need to go....

Well...there was a not nice part for about 1 minute or so and then it was great....depends on what you want....a bit of pain to have a blissful exit or....

Did you get like sort of a puking reflex (idk how else to describe it) like I did?

 

[LastRide]

Did you get like sort of a puking reflex (idk how else to describe it) like I did?

No it was just very painful for about 1 minute or so your throat feels very sore and your head feels like it's exploding....but then once your brain starts shutting down with the lack of oxygen, you get a very nice warm rush, the pain goes away, you start feeling entirely happy, you don't feel your body anymore, I even had kind of an orgasm just before the final blackout.

 

[Majin K.]

No it was just very painful for about 1 minute or so your throat feels very sore and your head feels like it's exploding....but then once your brain starts shutting down with the lack of oxygen, you get a very nice warm rush, the pain goes away, you start feeling entirely happy, you don't feel your body anymore, I even had kind of an orgasm just before the final blackout.

Just how did you not die if you managed to blackout?

 

[LastRide]

Just how did you not die if you managed to blackout?

Because after I lost consciousness my body was probably starting to thrash around like crazy (I did not even feel it moving so I was really totally unconscious) and since the belt around my neck was attached to a doorhandle it came off....so I woke up when my head hit the floor very violently ! I never understood what happened, it's only here on SS reading the hanging megathreads and seeing the videos of the people who become unconscious and then their body starts making violent movements that it dawned on me that it must have happenned in the same way. It's still quite difficult to understand how your body can be so active when your brain is completely shut down. Maybe someone with more medical knowledge can explain this? I would find it quite interersting to get a better understanding of the physical process that triggers this bizarre reaction in people wo are hanging.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Just to shed some light on the fact that I'm not claiming I'm not scared of death and CTB etc I'm simply another human being with the same biological survival instincts.
Saying that, within the last few months as I became serious about my CTB I started freaking out with the rush of billions of thoughts into my head I'm sure you can imagine what kind of thoughts they are if you are on the same path.
But gradually I started remembering my 2 near death experiences first when I was a child drowning in a swimming pool second while I was diving in Malta also my recent surgery where I became unconscious as a result of anaesthetics.
Remembering those moments gradually eased up the thought of CTB and the thought of not being here that's why I decided to share my thoughts on that.
The near death experiences in water were not scary at all as I reached the give up moment and the let go moment actually those very particular moments were the most peaceful moments of my life when I was about to cross over the line. In those moments all of a sudden all the earthly burden from my shoulders were taken off I felt light and simply beautiful there were no worries, fears etc.
Also in my recent surgery after anaesthetics (to me this was one of the closest experiences to non existence because when you are sleeping your subconscious mind is still fully operating at the background hence dreams etc ) I experienced the entire brain shut down there was absolutely nothing for 2-3 hours truly a unique experience and I always say those were the most beautiful 2-3 hours of my life. As soon as I opened my eyes I immediately felt those heavy earthly burdens again.
To summarise I think what I am trying to say is that it's natural to have fears and worries when it comes to CTB because as human beings we have no idea what happens (if anything happens at all) after CTB but just going through my personal closest moments to non existence that I realise not only they weren't scary but a truly beautiful and light transition from the horror of life. Reviewing these thoughts actually brings me so much peace.
I would like to know if anyone else has any similar experiences and how they felt afterwards?

Nope but since I intend to ctb by N this was very comforting to ready thanks