Dimension369963
Member
- May 27, 2020
- 17
This is my full story, unedited. I'm literally telling my deepest personal feelings and experiences. Mods I need to put 2 youtube links in my post. Please let them stay. They are incredibly positive messages and will help alot of people. I'll pay the owner of this site to keep these links up. I'll do anything the mods and owner of this site want to keep these links here. Please don't remove them, they may save someone's life like they saved mine and the man who shared them with me.
This link is to 3 Stoic Philosophers Including Senica over 2,000 years ago and more relevant today than ever and Marcus Aurelius the wisest Roman Emperor to ever rule.
I have to break them up like this to put them in here. just put them in order.
www.
youtube
.com/watch?v=2bguEiUgDA4
This 2nd link is to affirmations in Latin that once you get in the habit of learning will help you realize your mind is the most powerful thing you control and you can do anything you want with it. Crippled people have willed themselves to walk again. My left hand was totally paralyzed from an attempt that failed and doctors said 50% was the best I'd get back use with. Whatever they told me to do I did 10 times more until it hurt every nerve in my arm and I received 90% and none of them could believe it. They told me they never saw a patient recover from a complete paralysis to 90%.
www.
youtube
.com/watch?v=qMNMyLm57VA
If you know someone who is suffering, please copy this and privately send it to them.
This is pure humility and I'm bearing my soul in the hopes it will help others. Writing this was very hard. It contains the details of what I endured in condensed form.
I will have to write a book to paint an entire picture but this is all 100% true. I'm not lying to you about your inner strength and I can show you as many people as you wish to know of who also have their own stories of unimaginable adversity that makes my trials look like a joke. I am not wise, I feel as if I am a child all over again.
I don't see this as coincidence because the Universe does not do coincidences. It sends wisdom and instructions and only when we are willing to listen to things slowly begin to turn around. You didn't get to the level of suffering you endure in 1 day, you must learn patience and endurance from those who have already been proven by history to be among the wisest of people.
Don't settle in your life. If you have a dream, do it. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't. I was a horticulturalist for 8 years, blew my back out at 25 from lifting and loading thousands of Christmas trees in 20 degree weather, 30 degree weather and raining, every customer wanted the perfect tree which meant you had to cut a 6-12 foot pine then lift it and slam it on the ground 3-4 times to open it.
Some people would make you do this 10 times. You would finally take their tree to the front, cut it with a chainsaw, wrap it, then lift it onto their roofs and tie it down. Imagine lifting 10 ft tree when you're 5'11 and the roof of the car is 6'4?
I had back surgery, it failed, which led to taking opioids which then led to not being able to stand up straight without feeling like I was being cut in half at 28. By 32 I'd had enough, I slit my left wrist to the bone, the ulnar (funny bone) nerve and 8 tendons and lost 2 1/2 pints of blood as I desperately tried to squeeze every last drop out. Had I merely taken a cup of coffee or an aspirin I would not be here to tell this story today.
The Universe had another path for me, but I was unwise and stubborn. I didn't listen. Each time I didn't listen, each time I walked further from my true path in life, the Universe sent a harsher lesson.
I died clinically so many times, spend hours dying in the forest multiple times with dozens of search and rescue, helicopters, humvees with heat vision, police dogs which they smashed my car window to get my scent.
Twice I did this, twice I was missing for over 5 hours in 40 degree weather, at night, in the woods, face down in mud and water, an animal could of eaten me at any moment.
My body survived, and as if I was subconsciously aware, I only died in the rescue. 5-7 hours both times, I lived in those conditions but died only when there was someone to revive me.
When I slit my wrist the damage was so bad my entire hand was completely parlayed. The doctors told me, you'll be lucky if you ever get 50% movement back. Most patients got 50-60% if they were lucky.
I forced myself to move my hand over and over, physical therapy non stop at home. When they told me do 20 reps of this and 20 reps of that I did it until I couldn't take the pain anymore.
Today my left hand is 90% functional. The doctors were amazed, told me they had rarely seen a patient come back from such a severe injury with so much movement. Nerves take 1 month to grow between 1-4mm. Mine had to grow over 152mm in 3 years because after 3 years the nerve stops growing.
I didn't know without the nerve working the muscle wouldn't retain because muscles need nerve signals to work. I was helpless for the first 3 months. I had to wait for my nerve to grow to the muscle before I could work it otherwise no amount of exercise or pain would bring it back.
Every time the nerve grew which was slowly every day, the pain was like an exposed nerve, This was new nerve tissue, it had never been exposed to sensation and so it wildly send signals to my brain as if I was touching fire or acid every second for 2 straight years. The physical pain alone almost did me in.
After two years of being stuck in bed, opioids destroying my body making it impossible to do anything physical without throwing up, I decided to teach myself to day trade.
Without that injury I'd still be a horticulturalist and that was never going to allow me to accomplish my goals in life which are namely to make alot of money so that I can use it to build apartments for the homeless, help the mentally suffering like myself and other such ideas.
The first books on day trading I read stated if you break even after the 1st year you were successful. I ranked in the top 100, making $12,000 in 3-4days at one point. The most money anyone had ever made on that trading site in its history.
I lost most of it due to lack of emotional discipline and everyone around me doubted me and told me to give up. I did. And for the next year, I sat in my bed, dying on opioids, no purpose, my job gone, disabled, feeling I had had my last relationship at 32 and no woman would ever love me again.
That between the mental health issues and the scars which would never go away always forcing me to reveal the truth to a date eventually. Most left when they found out
I took 3 years off from dating, still single, to work on myself, figure out my real dreams, and by the will of something greater than me, realized I needed to be a day trader. That no matter what anyone told me, that it was too emotional, too dangerous for someone in my condition, I will become a day trader and a successful one.
It's been nearly 4 years since this started 2 months before I was to be married on 11/11/16 to the woman that I had fallen in love with more than anyone, had felt a love I never felt with anyone, and a connection that felt divine. Losing that I believed love was impossible to find ever again. I thought about her every day for 3 years, I dreamed about her, but I never contacted her again and her final words, not knowing if I was going to live or die were simply "Bye Beau".
I had stopped her from trying to end her life during bi-polar episodes throughout our relationship, had a knife put to my throat protecting her mother from 2nd floor drug dealers (there was no father in the family and there was a young boy which I took care of 3 days a week and tried to mentor who was special needs).
After having a knife put to my throat, I would spend 3 nights a week, alone with this child, watching him overnight so my ex-fiancee could work and her mother could work nights, knowing right above me were 10-12 drug dealers that could bust through the door at any moment and do whatever they wanted to us.
It's now nearly 4 years later, the longest I've gone single ever prior to that was 2 months. I had so many lessons to learn, so much to overcome, and it's not over.
I was rushed to the emergency room on 7/11 on the verge of a heart attack. Having thrown up over 100+ times in 3 days, at one point throwing up pure bile 22 times in 1 hour burning my entire throat, stomach lining, intestines and mouth.
That was precipitated withdrawal from opiates as I tried to come off them too fast. Now I'm past that, I'm over the physical hump of withdrawal and about to be free of opioids having forced myself to take 1/5th the dose the doctors were giving me against their will.
Every moment during those 3 days all I could think of was how much I ruined my life, how all my gifts had been destroyed by my own actions.
In the next year, as I come off opioids permanently in the next 2 weeks of my own will and against doctors orders, I will experience what is called PAWS. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.
I know because I experienced it once already. For at least a year, I will be unable to control my emotions. I could panic at any time, start crying in public for no reason, be hit with despair, depression, sadness and worst of all feelings of suicide.
But I'm not afraid, I know now, thanks to my family and a few special friends who taught me the wisdom I needed to beat this, I will beat it. What the mind says rules. My body and brain will try to get in my way, I'll be weak, and sickly for a year, having had a diet of mostly liquid water and Gatorade mixed for 4 years, I barely managed 1000 calories a day.
I was bed ridden for 4 years and lost 50lbs instead of gaining 500.
1 week from now, my first new day trading books will arrive. 1 year from now, I will be off disability and 10 years from now, I will be telling this story on TedTalks to the world imparting the humble wisdom that was imparted on me with an additional story of a day trader who is now a millionaire and built homes for all 50,000 veterans on the street, and community living for people who suffer disabilities.
I know that I will be a millionaire and have the money to do this because I won't stop until I do it.
I am extremely empathic, and to be single, to feel alone, to have to have given those 4 years to myself in order to be the best person I can be, I had to endure my greatest fear, loneliness.
It's important to remind myself every day that the past is there to learn from not to dwell on. Western Society believes in living in the present and thinking toward the future but the future is uncertain so you cannot learn anything and the present is ever changing so all you can do is react to it. Only by studying our own past failures and mistakes can we avoid making them again.
Remember, life gets harder only when we are walking away from our true path, the Universe sends pain to us sometimes to get the message across. If we continue to ignore it, the pain will come again and again and again each time worse than the last, until we step back and take a very long and difficult look at ourselves. The good news is it CAN be done by ANYONE.
Nothing in here was written out of pride or pity. I seek neither. Only to tell this story so that if there is someone else struggling out there, know their is hope and all of it lies within your strength of which you have an infinite well to tap into. Provided you put the effort in, you can overcome and become what you always were supposed to be.
It was simply written as a guide, for others, that if you only learn to understand the power of the mind, you can do anything and overcome anything.
Their are stories far worse than mine, I can only imagine the suffering, and those people come back just like I did.
I remember the story of a man who was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident, doctors said he'd never walk again. HE busted his ass every single day to move his legs a hairs width. He got his legs back, today he walks, doctors have no idea why, but I know why, because he willed himself to do it with his mind.
Our minds are a superpower we take for granted every day. It's your thoughts, and your actions that shape your mind. With enough will power, you can accomplish anything.
Always remember this.
Viktor E. Frankl, a Jewish man who was captured by the Nazi's and placed into and survived the 4 worst concentration camps in the whole of Nazi Germany. His words:
"The last of the human freedoms: to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. And there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; which determined whether or not you become the plaything to circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity..."
Amor Fati - Love and accept everything. We all start as stones, our gifts hidden, our talents unknown, our image to the world plain and ordinary. It is only when the jeweler breaks the stone, and abrasively rips apart the rock from the Jewel that we find a precious gem inside.
So too does it work with each of us. Our pain is the Universe ripping the rock from us, abrasively polishing us, teaching us lessons so that we too may shine as brightly as a beautiful gem to the world. If you want to make the world a better place, do the opposite of what I did. Don't lecture people and try to guilt them into action. Instead work hard on yourself and the change will ripple out when others see it.
I don't know which man uttered these words, but they are perhaps the most unwise words ever spoken. "One person can't make a difference"
One person is the ONLY WAY to make a difference. That one person is each and every one of us and when we make a difference in ourselves, others are inspired to do the same which in turn inspires those around them and before you know it, a ripple from a rock you chucked off a boat in the middle of the ocean representing the hard work you do for yourself every day turns into a nearly unnoticeable wave which once effecting enough people becomes a tsunami the whole world becomes aware of.
You are the change this world desperately needs. Nobody can do it but you. 1 person, 1 mind, is the most powerful entity in the Universe.
Remember Tienanmen Square where 1 brave Chinese Student stood in front of the Chinese military as tanks rolled right up to him. You are that courage, if you're suffering you simply haven't found it yet, or must accept even embrace your pain as it is teaching you who you really are and what you truly value in life.
This link is to 3 Stoic Philosophers Including Senica over 2,000 years ago and more relevant today than ever and Marcus Aurelius the wisest Roman Emperor to ever rule.
I have to break them up like this to put them in here. just put them in order.
www.
youtube
.com/watch?v=2bguEiUgDA4
This 2nd link is to affirmations in Latin that once you get in the habit of learning will help you realize your mind is the most powerful thing you control and you can do anything you want with it. Crippled people have willed themselves to walk again. My left hand was totally paralyzed from an attempt that failed and doctors said 50% was the best I'd get back use with. Whatever they told me to do I did 10 times more until it hurt every nerve in my arm and I received 90% and none of them could believe it. They told me they never saw a patient recover from a complete paralysis to 90%.
www.
youtube
.com/watch?v=qMNMyLm57VA
If you know someone who is suffering, please copy this and privately send it to them.
This is pure humility and I'm bearing my soul in the hopes it will help others. Writing this was very hard. It contains the details of what I endured in condensed form.
I will have to write a book to paint an entire picture but this is all 100% true. I'm not lying to you about your inner strength and I can show you as many people as you wish to know of who also have their own stories of unimaginable adversity that makes my trials look like a joke. I am not wise, I feel as if I am a child all over again.
I don't see this as coincidence because the Universe does not do coincidences. It sends wisdom and instructions and only when we are willing to listen to things slowly begin to turn around. You didn't get to the level of suffering you endure in 1 day, you must learn patience and endurance from those who have already been proven by history to be among the wisest of people.
Don't settle in your life. If you have a dream, do it. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't. I was a horticulturalist for 8 years, blew my back out at 25 from lifting and loading thousands of Christmas trees in 20 degree weather, 30 degree weather and raining, every customer wanted the perfect tree which meant you had to cut a 6-12 foot pine then lift it and slam it on the ground 3-4 times to open it.
Some people would make you do this 10 times. You would finally take their tree to the front, cut it with a chainsaw, wrap it, then lift it onto their roofs and tie it down. Imagine lifting 10 ft tree when you're 5'11 and the roof of the car is 6'4?
I had back surgery, it failed, which led to taking opioids which then led to not being able to stand up straight without feeling like I was being cut in half at 28. By 32 I'd had enough, I slit my left wrist to the bone, the ulnar (funny bone) nerve and 8 tendons and lost 2 1/2 pints of blood as I desperately tried to squeeze every last drop out. Had I merely taken a cup of coffee or an aspirin I would not be here to tell this story today.
The Universe had another path for me, but I was unwise and stubborn. I didn't listen. Each time I didn't listen, each time I walked further from my true path in life, the Universe sent a harsher lesson.
I died clinically so many times, spend hours dying in the forest multiple times with dozens of search and rescue, helicopters, humvees with heat vision, police dogs which they smashed my car window to get my scent.
Twice I did this, twice I was missing for over 5 hours in 40 degree weather, at night, in the woods, face down in mud and water, an animal could of eaten me at any moment.
My body survived, and as if I was subconsciously aware, I only died in the rescue. 5-7 hours both times, I lived in those conditions but died only when there was someone to revive me.
When I slit my wrist the damage was so bad my entire hand was completely parlayed. The doctors told me, you'll be lucky if you ever get 50% movement back. Most patients got 50-60% if they were lucky.
I forced myself to move my hand over and over, physical therapy non stop at home. When they told me do 20 reps of this and 20 reps of that I did it until I couldn't take the pain anymore.
Today my left hand is 90% functional. The doctors were amazed, told me they had rarely seen a patient come back from such a severe injury with so much movement. Nerves take 1 month to grow between 1-4mm. Mine had to grow over 152mm in 3 years because after 3 years the nerve stops growing.
I didn't know without the nerve working the muscle wouldn't retain because muscles need nerve signals to work. I was helpless for the first 3 months. I had to wait for my nerve to grow to the muscle before I could work it otherwise no amount of exercise or pain would bring it back.
Every time the nerve grew which was slowly every day, the pain was like an exposed nerve, This was new nerve tissue, it had never been exposed to sensation and so it wildly send signals to my brain as if I was touching fire or acid every second for 2 straight years. The physical pain alone almost did me in.
After two years of being stuck in bed, opioids destroying my body making it impossible to do anything physical without throwing up, I decided to teach myself to day trade.
Without that injury I'd still be a horticulturalist and that was never going to allow me to accomplish my goals in life which are namely to make alot of money so that I can use it to build apartments for the homeless, help the mentally suffering like myself and other such ideas.
The first books on day trading I read stated if you break even after the 1st year you were successful. I ranked in the top 100, making $12,000 in 3-4days at one point. The most money anyone had ever made on that trading site in its history.
I lost most of it due to lack of emotional discipline and everyone around me doubted me and told me to give up. I did. And for the next year, I sat in my bed, dying on opioids, no purpose, my job gone, disabled, feeling I had had my last relationship at 32 and no woman would ever love me again.
That between the mental health issues and the scars which would never go away always forcing me to reveal the truth to a date eventually. Most left when they found out
I took 3 years off from dating, still single, to work on myself, figure out my real dreams, and by the will of something greater than me, realized I needed to be a day trader. That no matter what anyone told me, that it was too emotional, too dangerous for someone in my condition, I will become a day trader and a successful one.
It's been nearly 4 years since this started 2 months before I was to be married on 11/11/16 to the woman that I had fallen in love with more than anyone, had felt a love I never felt with anyone, and a connection that felt divine. Losing that I believed love was impossible to find ever again. I thought about her every day for 3 years, I dreamed about her, but I never contacted her again and her final words, not knowing if I was going to live or die were simply "Bye Beau".
I had stopped her from trying to end her life during bi-polar episodes throughout our relationship, had a knife put to my throat protecting her mother from 2nd floor drug dealers (there was no father in the family and there was a young boy which I took care of 3 days a week and tried to mentor who was special needs).
After having a knife put to my throat, I would spend 3 nights a week, alone with this child, watching him overnight so my ex-fiancee could work and her mother could work nights, knowing right above me were 10-12 drug dealers that could bust through the door at any moment and do whatever they wanted to us.
It's now nearly 4 years later, the longest I've gone single ever prior to that was 2 months. I had so many lessons to learn, so much to overcome, and it's not over.
I was rushed to the emergency room on 7/11 on the verge of a heart attack. Having thrown up over 100+ times in 3 days, at one point throwing up pure bile 22 times in 1 hour burning my entire throat, stomach lining, intestines and mouth.
That was precipitated withdrawal from opiates as I tried to come off them too fast. Now I'm past that, I'm over the physical hump of withdrawal and about to be free of opioids having forced myself to take 1/5th the dose the doctors were giving me against their will.
Every moment during those 3 days all I could think of was how much I ruined my life, how all my gifts had been destroyed by my own actions.
In the next year, as I come off opioids permanently in the next 2 weeks of my own will and against doctors orders, I will experience what is called PAWS. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.
I know because I experienced it once already. For at least a year, I will be unable to control my emotions. I could panic at any time, start crying in public for no reason, be hit with despair, depression, sadness and worst of all feelings of suicide.
But I'm not afraid, I know now, thanks to my family and a few special friends who taught me the wisdom I needed to beat this, I will beat it. What the mind says rules. My body and brain will try to get in my way, I'll be weak, and sickly for a year, having had a diet of mostly liquid water and Gatorade mixed for 4 years, I barely managed 1000 calories a day.
I was bed ridden for 4 years and lost 50lbs instead of gaining 500.
1 week from now, my first new day trading books will arrive. 1 year from now, I will be off disability and 10 years from now, I will be telling this story on TedTalks to the world imparting the humble wisdom that was imparted on me with an additional story of a day trader who is now a millionaire and built homes for all 50,000 veterans on the street, and community living for people who suffer disabilities.
I know that I will be a millionaire and have the money to do this because I won't stop until I do it.
I am extremely empathic, and to be single, to feel alone, to have to have given those 4 years to myself in order to be the best person I can be, I had to endure my greatest fear, loneliness.
It's important to remind myself every day that the past is there to learn from not to dwell on. Western Society believes in living in the present and thinking toward the future but the future is uncertain so you cannot learn anything and the present is ever changing so all you can do is react to it. Only by studying our own past failures and mistakes can we avoid making them again.
Remember, life gets harder only when we are walking away from our true path, the Universe sends pain to us sometimes to get the message across. If we continue to ignore it, the pain will come again and again and again each time worse than the last, until we step back and take a very long and difficult look at ourselves. The good news is it CAN be done by ANYONE.
Nothing in here was written out of pride or pity. I seek neither. Only to tell this story so that if there is someone else struggling out there, know their is hope and all of it lies within your strength of which you have an infinite well to tap into. Provided you put the effort in, you can overcome and become what you always were supposed to be.
It was simply written as a guide, for others, that if you only learn to understand the power of the mind, you can do anything and overcome anything.
Their are stories far worse than mine, I can only imagine the suffering, and those people come back just like I did.
I remember the story of a man who was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident, doctors said he'd never walk again. HE busted his ass every single day to move his legs a hairs width. He got his legs back, today he walks, doctors have no idea why, but I know why, because he willed himself to do it with his mind.
Our minds are a superpower we take for granted every day. It's your thoughts, and your actions that shape your mind. With enough will power, you can accomplish anything.
Always remember this.
Viktor E. Frankl, a Jewish man who was captured by the Nazi's and placed into and survived the 4 worst concentration camps in the whole of Nazi Germany. His words:
"The last of the human freedoms: to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. And there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; which determined whether or not you become the plaything to circumstance, renouncing freedom and dignity..."
Amor Fati - Love and accept everything. We all start as stones, our gifts hidden, our talents unknown, our image to the world plain and ordinary. It is only when the jeweler breaks the stone, and abrasively rips apart the rock from the Jewel that we find a precious gem inside.
So too does it work with each of us. Our pain is the Universe ripping the rock from us, abrasively polishing us, teaching us lessons so that we too may shine as brightly as a beautiful gem to the world. If you want to make the world a better place, do the opposite of what I did. Don't lecture people and try to guilt them into action. Instead work hard on yourself and the change will ripple out when others see it.
I don't know which man uttered these words, but they are perhaps the most unwise words ever spoken. "One person can't make a difference"
One person is the ONLY WAY to make a difference. That one person is each and every one of us and when we make a difference in ourselves, others are inspired to do the same which in turn inspires those around them and before you know it, a ripple from a rock you chucked off a boat in the middle of the ocean representing the hard work you do for yourself every day turns into a nearly unnoticeable wave which once effecting enough people becomes a tsunami the whole world becomes aware of.
You are the change this world desperately needs. Nobody can do it but you. 1 person, 1 mind, is the most powerful entity in the Universe.
Remember Tienanmen Square where 1 brave Chinese Student stood in front of the Chinese military as tanks rolled right up to him. You are that courage, if you're suffering you simply haven't found it yet, or must accept even embrace your pain as it is teaching you who you really are and what you truly value in life.
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