How have you felt upon previous disclosure?

[SpinandPainr]

I woke up today and admitted to a friend I had been trying to get rid of him because I want to die. And I didn't say this bit but I told him that because I can't trust myself anymore. I told this to my old roommate. he told me that that this comes off as if I don't value my friend enough to keep going. I don't think it came off that way. I will be talking to him about it at some time but I just need to know, has anyone been on the receiving end of similar statements?

 

[bekilledorkill]

I think the fact that you told him proves that you do value him a lot. You tried to push him away so he wouldn't get hurt, and that sounds like you do care about him. I don't understand people who always selfishly say that 'your decisions mean you don't like me enough or care about me enough'. Who are they to say we don't value them? Who are they to say that we don't care? Why can't they just see everything out of their rose-tinted glasses and see that the world does not revolve around them. People are perfectly capable of making decisions based on themselves and not others.

 

[Blanc]

I think the fact that you told him proves that you do value him a lot.

This.
This person is not your friend. No empathy, no compassion, not the beginning of reassurance and comfort towards you. Not digging the whys and hows.
First thing he did is hurt you more with misplaced guilt coming from his huge ego.
Better alone than surrounded by fake people afraid of feelings, emotions and death.
I know it's easier said than done.
I am really sorry that you've had to endure this disappointment added to the pre-existing pain you were precisely opening about.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It may be how he truly feels and he may feel hurt by it but, to express it is effectively emotional blackmail and shaming.

I haven't expressed outright to my Dad that I'm suicidal- and have been for 35 years. At my worse though, cracks have started to appear. I outright said 'life was shit' at one point. He responded similarly that it was surely still nice to see him. I suppose they like to hope that their love makes it worth it. In my case though, I probably have his (practical) love and support for maybe 1% of the year. The other 99% is down to me to get through and pay for!

The feeling is different to the action too. My Dad's 'love' or connection to me doesn't in any way really reduce how suicidal I feel. It does stop me from acting on it though. That infuriates me if I'm honest. Love becomes a warning/ tether not to hurt them. I'm reminded at each phone call to look after myself because: 'I'm precious'. On the face of it, that sounds sweet but it isn't really. It's effectively saying- I don't care how much you hate it here. You need to stay for my sake.