ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,934
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Slow_Farewell
Warlock
- Dec 19, 2023
- 710
I envy you a bit. to be absolutely sure that there's nothing in the world that makes you feel enough pleasure is something that I actually want to feel. That absolute certainty would, for me, solve a lot of conflicts.
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,934
May I ask how this envies you or how it would solve a lot of conflicts for you? I mean, pleasure is what makes a person perpetually enjoy life, right?
Mirrory Me
"More then your eyes can see..."
- Mar 23, 2023
- 1,095
Slow_Farewell
Warlock
- Dec 19, 2023
- 710
Because being as sure as you are means there's no more doubt.
You're absolutely sure that there's nothing in life that gives you pleasure, and that's a state I hope to achieve. Right now there's still a small part of me that thinks or at least is willing to explore certain experiences in the hopes that it will bring pleasure, even if it's not guaranteed.
To be as sure as you are means I can discount/disregard such thoughts already and just focus on other stuff, such as the acquisition of material stuff for it's own sake and not for pleasure.
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,934
I got nothing like that unfortunately. Is there any other alternative?
I see. So you wish that you also don't find pleasure in anything so that you can detach yourself from things as much as possible? I guess there isn't anything wrong with that as long as you're certain that the lack of pleasures won't hurt you, especially not as much as it hurt me. If this is what you want, I wish you the best in getting it
Mirrory Me
"More then your eyes can see..."
- Mar 23, 2023
- 1,095
Well, there are probably many natural ways in addition to drug treatment, which you should google - do a little research on what works for you. In general, for example, a healthy diet is recommended - some foods that contain important nutrients and vitamins, and also excluding harmful substances. For example, if you drink coffee or energy drinks (not recommended substances), you should definitely change them to black tea (recommended for treating depression). Then, in addition to that, you can, for example, google online for herbs and suplements that have an anti-depressant effect (at least I know that nutmeg does).
I guess it's an obvious question but- do you feel like you've tried enough in life to actually know that nothing brings you pleasure anymore?
Of course, it's a bit of a catch 22 because- in order to try new things, you kind of need to have the will- and money- and time to do them. The last two requiring a job that pays well enough and then, time off and energy away from the job to do whatever it is.
But like- what have you tried? Were there things that used to bring you joy that no longer do? Do you even care to get that feeling back? Do you know when and why life became so shitty? I guess you have to ask yourself all these questions.
If it's likely something like depression- then, I guess you could consider medication and therapy.
Plus- there's the whole thing of the greater good. Like- I hate exercise but, I'm forcing myself to do it at the moment because I know it makes me feel marginally better. So- that's the other thing really- are you willing to put yourself through more unpleasant things for a greater good and- for how long?
I'll give you an example from my own experience though. Years ago, I had holiday time off work. My neighbour asked if I was going anywhere and I replied that I wasn't- because, I didn't feel in the right headspace to enjoy it enough. It felt like it would be a waste of money. But- I took his advice and went. While it wasn't life changing, I still enjoyed parts of it. I still struggled too but yeah- just the change of scene and distraction helped. So- I think part of it is not going in with ridiculously high expectations but to just be willing to try. Of course- if you have tried, it can only be up to you whether it's worth it to keep trying I guess.
Of course, it's a bit of a catch 22 because- in order to try new things, you kind of need to have the will- and money- and time to do them. The last two requiring a job that pays well enough and then, time off and energy away from the job to do whatever it is.
But like- what have you tried? Were there things that used to bring you joy that no longer do? Do you even care to get that feeling back? Do you know when and why life became so shitty? I guess you have to ask yourself all these questions.
If it's likely something like depression- then, I guess you could consider medication and therapy.
Plus- there's the whole thing of the greater good. Like- I hate exercise but, I'm forcing myself to do it at the moment because I know it makes me feel marginally better. So- that's the other thing really- are you willing to put yourself through more unpleasant things for a greater good and- for how long?
I'll give you an example from my own experience though. Years ago, I had holiday time off work. My neighbour asked if I was going anywhere and I replied that I wasn't- because, I didn't feel in the right headspace to enjoy it enough. It felt like it would be a waste of money. But- I took his advice and went. While it wasn't life changing, I still enjoyed parts of it. I still struggled too but yeah- just the change of scene and distraction helped. So- I think part of it is not going in with ridiculously high expectations but to just be willing to try. Of course- if you have tried, it can only be up to you whether it's worth it to keep trying I guess.
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,934
I guess I haven't and I don't know if I really want to. I mean, I have tried with music, TV shows, anime etc but I haven't really gone beyond this and I'm not sure if I want to. I feel like, at this point, only drugs or meds or something could make me motivated enough to want to do stuff. My outlook on life is basically similar to FC's outlook on life at this point... well except that I still believe happiness is a real thing most people experience... it just isn't something that I experience
I completely understand and, it's so hard to do things without motivation or belief they could help. I guess the starting point is what you would even consider doing. What appeals whatsover. Do you have any interest at all in say- nature, museums, sports, crafts, food- anything really? Is there anything you used to want to do?
Is it that you never enjoyed life? Never got enjoyment from anything? Or, did something change in you to make everything feel shitty? FC tends to allude that she has never enjoyed a single thing in life. To be honest, I'd say that was rare- even for here. Most people, even with the shittiest of lives, even with abuse, have maybe one or two happy memories or, things they used to enjoy. It's not that I'm knocking FC, or, disbelieving her. I feel desperately sorry if that is the case because- yeah- I'd have to agree. How does someone muster any hope for happiness, if they have never experienced it?
Sorry if it's too personal, but can I ask? Are you suffering from physical ailments? That I imagine could well taint any sense of enjoyment of anything from the start. There's no way I could cope with pain.
I guess- it's about assessing ourselves in a way. Was I ever happy? What made me happy? What changed? Can I get back to that stage? Can I get back at least some of that feeling? Will that be enough? How much effort am I willing to put in and for how long? Can I cope with failures along the way? How willI cope with them? Is the end result worth it? Am I willing to give it a shot and find out? CTB will always be there at a later date as an option (probably) if I choose to try.
But yeah- if it's depression, you could try therapy and meds. I tried both briefly myself- it seemed worth a shot. Some people do respond well, some don't. Again, you won't know unless you try. My therapist/doctor agreed that- since it was obvious I had been unhappy for so long, drugs might help to give me a kickstart. Honestly- they didn't. It's always been being creative that helped me the most. We're all different though. Who knows? Maybe a different drug might have helped. Maybe it would now. I can't say I'm madly keen on messing about with drugs myself but again- it's personal choice at the end of the day. What we're willing to try. I guess, only you know that.
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,934
Nope, nothing really ever appealed to me. Also, no, there wasn't really anything that I used to want to do. When I was younger, when people asked me about what I wanted to do in the future, I did give answers but only because of social obligation, not because I genuinely wanted to do anything. I never really had any attachment to life tbh. I know there are good things in life but my mind doesn't seem to like any of it
Yeah, I never enjoyed life. At first, I was hesitant to make the comparison with FC as I was worried it'd be rude to talk about her when she doesn't know it but I realise that she doesn't care about what others think about her... and I think that's a good trait tbh. Not to mention that she doesn't browse the recovery section anyway. Also, I couldn't think of any other comparisons but I digress. Also, yeah, I'm exactly like FC when it comes to not really having a single good memory.
I'm not, no. All I got is autism but that isn't to say it doesn't affect me greatly as it has.. as you can see here
I tried to analyse myself by looking through my past when it comes to happiness like this as well as when it comes to friendships. With regards to the latter, I've been through some mental health worksheets and I've seen them say stuff like "try to rekindle old friendships from school" or "set a plan to hang out with an old friend" or "accept more invites from people" etc. The point is, how do I do any of this when I never made any friends or acquaintances during my entire life? I feel like the same thing applies to happiness
I tried therapy and I applied for therapy again but the waiting times suck and I'm basically getting tossed around between different mental health companies. I haven't tried meds though and I don't like hearing about the side effects of these meds. As for therapy, or talk therapy specifically, I don't really think it can work on me as my problems can't really just be erased by talking through it but, nonetheless, I'm trying to take therapy again because I can't really do anything on my own.. nor do I really want to
It's very tricky circumstances- I agree- when you don't have a better time to look back on. I can't say I know much about autism but, from what I've read and seen here, difficulties in forming relationships/ friendships seems quite common. Do you have much desire to be sociable? Honestly, I don't have great amounts of faith in friendship! If anything, I think it's quite risky to depend on others. So, I guess while it's 'normal' advice to build up a friendship/ support group, I don't know really!
Do you try new things much? Going out to visit places? I know it's hard when nothing appeals but then, it's also like- you've got nothing to lose really. You're not exactly expecting for whatever activity it is to change your life- it's just a bunch of experimenting really. Because- you know what you're doing at the moment is keeping you stuck where you are. I guess I always feel like the most important thing is even a slight desire to feel better or- even see if it's possible for you. I get some suggestion that you feel that to an extent- a curiosity at the least maybe?
Therapy does sound worth a shot to me. I'm sorry it seems like such a hassle though. Impressive that you are trying for that though. I was really hesitant and nervous but- again- I think it's worth a try. I agree with you on the medication thing though. I have strong reservations about meds. I don't feel confident the doctors really know what they do!
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,934
I don't know if I have the desire to be sociable or not. It's complicated. Friendships do help people in many ways as you can spend time with them, study with them, navigate the world with them, have fun with them etc. Even being friends with pro life people has more benefits than being completely alone. On the other hand, maintaining friendships sounds exhausting and I don't really like the idea of using up all my energy just to socialise but, then again, I can't know for sure as I never had a friend or acquaintance throughout my entire life. I think I'd wish I didn't want friends but humans are social animals unfortunately and it's really difficult to have a good life being completely alone
No, I don't try anything new and I honestly don't really desire to. I'm starting to wonder why I posted here. Maybe I thought I'd hear some advice as to how I could rewire my brain but all I got was a reality check instead. I don't want to change myself, at least not under current circumstances anyway. Maybe my mindset could be changed via drugs though. After all, if it's possible for a chemical reaction to manifest into something really powerful such as survival instinct, maybe there's a powerful chemical that increases the chances of somebody appreciating life
I mean, is therapy really worth a shot if I don't want to put any effort in with my current mindset? I thought therapy is only really for those who want to recover. From what I've seen, therapy just exists to try to identify problems and offer solutions that you have to do during your own time
I think that's the hope with drugs- yes- that they'll somehow change your mood/perspective. Not sure- the ones I tried didn't have that much affect. I think therapy maybe can give you tools as it were- Try doing this. Try stopping this. Try and see it this way. I don't know- again, I didn't do enough of it! But I mean- yeah- I don't think it works if you just go in and say 'fix me' kind of thing. I expect you need to be willing to try things.
I basically did a second degree because I knew that creativity was the thing that 'saved' me. I couldn't just create for the sake of it and I wanted to get better. So- a structured course that I could fail at seemed like a good idea- and it was.
Similary- I guess a therapist might give you goals. Say- go swimming this week. Go on a long walk. Look in to doing an evening course. I really don't know. Like I say- I didn't go in for much but, sometimes it helps knowing you have kind of 'homework' set you need to try and do.
In the session where I told her I wanted to stop the sessions, the lady I saw was about to get me to try and stop saying 'sorry' so much. She probably had a point. It's like- people who say 'sorry' excessively are pretty much apologising the whole time for their own existence! Which can't be great for self esteem. I think sometimes, they get us to make behavioural changes in the hopes it starts to impact our mentality.
Really though- I hope you get more constructive responses. In truth, I'm not that in to recovery at all. I just kind of stray here now and again. You likely need someone who really believes in it and has experience of it to encourage you.
