How Does One Clearly Perceive if They are Heading into Recovery?

[Chupacabra 44]

When does one know if they are heading into recovery?

I have no idea and haven't figured out if maybe I'm heading into recovery or if my feeling is just because I have sleep deprivation right now and I keep teetering in and out of hypomania. The smart money is I am feeling uplifted from my mood disorder, but I'm not so sure. And, over the past five years every manic/hypomanic episode my CTB instincts were not once diminished, whatsoever, so this is atypical for me. Fyi, I cycle rapidly.

Can someone please share some thoughts. Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

If I felt more hopeful about the future and like I had something to live for/good reason to keep living then I'd be heading down the road to recovery.

 

[timf]

If you look at the stock market numbers, there can be a great deal of daily fluctuation. However, if you average the daily numbers, you can begin to see a trend.

This is difficult to apply to ourselves as our memory of how things were three months or a year ago can be poorly recalled.

Keeping a diary can be helpful because it lets you look back and see more clearly what was on your mind at a point in time. However, it might be useful to also consider a certain bias in that when things are difficult, one might be more inclined to record them. For this reason it is important to record when things are improving as well.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

If you look at the stock market numbers, there can be a great deal of daily fluctuation. However, if you average the daily numbers, you can begin to see a trend.

This is difficult to apply to ourselves as our memory of how things were three months or a year ago can be poorly recalled.

Keeping a diary can be helpful because it lets you look back and see more clearly what was on your mind at a point in time. However, it might be useful to also consider a certain bias in that when things are difficult, one might be more inclined to record them. For this reason it is important to record when things are improving as well.

Great advice! I love the stock market analogy, and coincidentally have my grad degree in business, so conceptually I 100% get in. You could not have come up with a better analogy to drive your point home with me. Trust me.

I looked several years ago for an online mood journal app and I didn't find one. My therapist and psychiatrist at the time did not know of one. Do you or does any other member have any suggestions before I Google again to see what might be available?

I need an app (or a secretary), because my handwriting is atrocious; I can't read something I wrote yesterday and figure out what I was writing.

Thank you again for taking the time to comment. Terrific advice and just reading this seemingly pushes me incrementally towards recovery.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think in the context of this website, it depends on when the individual decides that the right requirements have been met to make them not need/want to CTB anymore. At least that's what I took recovery to mean...

 

[Sensei]

I'd say it's as simple as this: the less you think about suicide, the farther into recovery you've come.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I think it's more something you decide and you take your "good" days to work towards it. Learning coping mechinisims to help them on the bad days and as time goes on things get better.

 

[CuddleHug]

Do you or does any other member have any suggestions before I Google again to see what might be available?

I use an app called Daylio, it's really good. I paid to unlock more features, but I think you can get pretty far with the free version too.

Daylio - Journal, Diary and Mood Tracker

Self-Care Bullet Journal with Goals Mood Diary & Happiness Tracker

daylio.net

 

[Life_and_Death]

I

I use an app called Daylio, it's really good. I paid to unlock more features, but I think you can get pretty far with the free version too.

Daylio - Journal, Diary and Mood Tracker

Self-Care Bullet Journal with Goals Mood Diary & Happiness Tracker

daylio.net

There should be a bunch for mobile devices too

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Without premonition it is impossible to tell. However, for me it was a sudden shift after flaking my last attempt at an attempt. Since then it hasn't been easy, but easier than being suicidal.

I think the conflict had to play itself out organically. Once I saw that I could not kill myself and became desperate enough, something changed.

Consider the idea that your wish to die is not a wish for you to die, but a part of you or a way of being that has become inadequate. Going through this dark period is a dying process, even though you might not understand the significance of it yet. Change is painful. Another perspective that was always helpful to me is that of birth. What has to die is the old you to bring forth a new "you". Right now you identify naturally with the "old" you and experience your death as painful and life threatening. This is how all personality shifts usually happen... There is inadequacy of the old attitude, rising tension, pain, sometimes despair; but in looking back on it one always understands this period as necessary. So what needs to happen is that you need to get to a point where you have a new interpretation of your past, where all your suffering is worked into a larger meaning ("my suffering was necessary because I needed to learn that X").

When our suicidal ego (meaning an ego that has become completely inadequate to it's circumstances) tells itself it wants to change it wants two things that are incommensurable: it's own continuity (comfort, safety) AND to become adequate; the only way for that to happen is for the world or our circumstances to change, which can happen, but just as often it can not. It does not want to be challenged in it's comfort or safety, even if it's comfort is dubious and it's safety illusory.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I use an app called Daylio, it's really good. I paid to unlock more features, but I think you can get pretty far with the free version too.

Daylio - Journal, Diary and Mood Tracker

Self-Care Bullet Journal with Goals Mood Diary & Happiness Tracker

daylio.net

Will download it right now. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

With mood fluctuations that's a toughie. For me, it was that I started making the effort to live again, even if it wasn't the life i once had, rather than letting everything slide. With mood fluctuation, I'd guess that the overall trajectory of the pattern over time would give a more accurate inclination. So, I think a diary is a good idea, so you can map the trajectory objectively, even if each day is expressed as a subjective experience. Forgive me if that doesn't make sense.

 

[raindrops]

If I felt more hopeful about the future and like I had something to live for/good reason to keep living then I'd be heading down the road to recovery.

Exactly this but what if your reason to keep going is someone you're in love with, hopeful you'll be with that person for eternity.
When I first come to SS the person I'm in love with hadn't spoke to me in 4 months and I was so sure I wanted to ctb, now we speak I'm okay, I feel good, I think.
Although one of my main reasons to ctb is because I have no stable future, no savings, no family to help me along the way.
Maybe I should be focusing on my future independently but I want to be sharing and planning it with the one I love ya know.

 

[Amumu]

Beneficial sleep. It is a clear sign of recovery.

 

[k75]

Great advice! I love the stock market analogy, and coincidentally have my grad degree in business, so conceptually I 100% get in. You could not have come up with a better analogy to drive your point home with me. Trust me.

I looked several years ago for an online mood journal app and I didn't find one. My therapist and psychiatrist at the time did not know of one. Do you or does any other member have any suggestions before I Google again to see what might be available?

I need an app (or a secretary), because my handwriting is atrocious; I can't read something I wrote yesterday and figure out what I was writing.

Thank you again for taking the time to comment. Terrific advice and just reading this seemingly pushes me incrementally towards recovery.

I use an app called Journey, and I really like it. It lets you journal but also lets you tag your mood, location, even the weather with your entry. There's a mood chart and sort of activity tracker. I think it's really convenient and helpful to be able to see those stats when I wrote certain things. It's free, but there's also a paid version. I bought it because it's the only journal app I've actually kept using. I'm lazy and like that I can just do speech to text with it.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

I'm working on my hobbies and doing my studying for my degree.