how does everyone feel when they wake up everyday and go to sleep at night? I wake up praying my kids are safe and for me to be dead and do the same at night.people are so cruel and heartless and I beg everyday to be dead.
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SectOfValtiel
Attendant of God
- Nov 7, 2022
- 217
most days, i wake up feeling empty
completely empty and alone
and that feeling settles in as i start my day
I end up looking for a distraction but never finding anything that really works, it just gets worse as the day goes on
just frantically looking for something to keep my mind off that feeling- i used to smoke to get it to go away but i dont have that option anymore
i frantically cycle between looking at my twitter, looking at my email, and looking at SaSu
even though the chances of me ever having a message or anything like that are next to zero
even when i reach out, people dont really respond
most nights are the same too... but by then im usually emotionally and mentally exhausted
a *lot* of those nights im physically exhausted too because of my insomnia
like its almost 7 in the morning right now as i type this haha havent been able to sleep
probably just have to wait until im so tired that i cant even think anymore
and thats been a lot of nights latelyEach day is a bad day, but today is especially bad, already cried many times this morning just thinking of her, We used to get in the car each Sunday morning, we were always doing something, we were always together
Oh this sounds so like me mate.I've cried twice today already.she's out every weekend whilst our newborn twins are dumped with her parents.been 3months and not getting any better I'm with you brother,good luckTerrified of my future and present.
redhousepainters
Member
- Dec 15, 2022
- 9
Either total and perpetual numbness or mental anguish and a strong desire for death.
LittleBlackCat
Specialist
- Feb 6, 2020
- 329
Blahhh
Member
- Dec 13, 2022
- 69
I wake up anxious and keep being anxious the whole day. Then when it's evening I start to get relaxed, usually thinking about successful ctb.
Getting to bed is the best time for me. I dream of ctb and how it's all gonna be over soon. Not even joking, that's how it is for me and has been for weeksMy days are filled with anxiety and dread.
WorthlessTrash
Worthless
- Apr 19, 2022
- 2,431
dysphoric, jealous, sad and hopeless.
stilhavinightmares
Warlock
- Oct 13, 2022
- 759
I alternate between intolerably anxious and entirely disconnected every day, just waiting to be able to kill myself.
Thank you for verbalizing this. My existence is the same right now.
locked*n*loaded
Archangel
- Apr 15, 2022
- 9,351
Basically, just numb, devoid of real emotion. My days are really just all the same.
aforestfire
"for truly, i am no longer a part of the world."
- Dec 17, 2022
- 88
i'm constantly disconnected from reality, from the moment i wake up until i go to sleep. there are moments in between tho, that i become aware of how much life is unfair, how alone i am, and i feel extreme sadness.Mainly devoid of emotion aside from anger. Also tons of regrets (which are rather mild compared to most). Otherwise emptiness, as even doing/thinking about things other than not wanting to exist only serve as distractions at best.
arrowheads
I don’t need therapy, I need to be shot
- Dec 7, 2022
- 11
I jump around either being dissociated, numb, or uncontrollably crying. Then I drink, take pills, or both to find a sense of relief.In morning I take a big breath, struggle for energy to put my feet on the floor and dread that I'm here for another long and sad day. At night the darkness adds to my loneliness that's already in overdrive. The hardest time of night is after everyone else in world has gone to bed. No one to reach out too.
Huntfish34
Enlightened
- Mar 13, 2020
- 1,619
Every day is different, really depends on where I'm at , what I'm doing, and who's around ... Today... Right now, however; I just arrived to an early family Christmas party and I'm already waiting to get the Flying Fck outta here. Everything is fine and most of the family are nice, but I have an Extremely hard time relating or even holding a worthwhile conversation with them.
Sorry I went off on a tangent..... I'm done now. Time to drink and smoke. -
WhiteRabbit
I'm late, i'm late. For a very important date.
- Feb 12, 2019
- 1,774
Sick, in pain, wish I had my old life back, very sad.
You are not alone
Someday_Somehow32
Member
- Jul 20, 2022
- 90
Most of the time I just feel dread, I'm so tired I don't want to get out of bed. But I force myself out anyways. Other times my entire body hurts and I want to die in my sleep to not feel like this anymoreI wake up disappointed and tired that I'm still alive and have to endure a day
I go to bed wishing I die during sleep
Judy Garland
HoHum
- Mar 23, 2022
- 825
Every day is sadness. Every day is boredom and longing for this life to be over. Every day is a struggle to keep things together. I can't do it anymore.Sad, ashamed, and scared. I too wish I was dead everyday. This world and the people in it are so cold and heartless. I'm not made for this place.I go to sleep exhausted. I wake up exhausted. I want to be constantly inebriated so I can feel... less. I had high hopes (no pun intended) for some recently acquired CBD gummies, but my mood remains unchanged when I eat them.
I don't believe anything can or will alter how I feel. A job would serve as a distraction, but I think about having to smile and interact with real people and I doubt my ability to pull it off for any extended length of time. At least not sober. No fucking way.
Last night I found myself wishing it could be dark all the time. Hearing other people come to life with the sunrise irks the shit out of me.
I want everything to be still, always.
Anyway, there's hardly any difference between waking and falling asleep. Same exact thoughts and feelings. But waking is the worst of the two.
Unlovable98
I wish I was lovable
- Sep 7, 2022
- 28
i wake up and go to sleep feeling lonely, empty, and wanting to be held…
BlazingBob
Wizard
- Oct 28, 2021
- 610
Full of dread and anxiety. Sick from an incurable chronic illness. Ready to not exist. I'm just waiting on my 3 elderly dogs. Every day is hellHow do I feel when I wake up every day? other than paranoid, that I should have been aborted or, at the very least, given to a responsible family with reasonable skills to raise a functioning adult.
How's my sleep at night? miserable I suffer from insomnia, night terrors, and hearing things whose sensation is amplified at night, so I am afraid to sleep, and when I finally do turn down the lights, I do not sleep well because my night is full of said events.
Sorry if my response is incoherent or rambling.Last edited:Booked into hotel.
Took back control.
Have a few days over Christmas before CtB.
Feels like I can control something again. Keep having these fears though.
Very emotional. Spent time with nieces. They are great kids.
I hope it doesn't fuck them up.Similar threads
