How does anyone cope with the holidays?

[Tegan_sky]

I wonder how anyone else here copes with holidays? They accentuate my loneliness and traumatic "every man for himself" family times 10 every year it seems. Two years ago I had a Thanksgiving out with one of my older brothers, and he is so messed up I cried the next day, such a bummer to see how he has gotten worse as far as his being lonely even though married (but separated) his kids won't speak to him, he got kicked out of his separated wife's house again. Add how much angrier he is now. Crying at this was justified, I feel.

For this year I am trying to cope by having my own home cooked mini-feast. I bought a vintage nativity set and small tree and already have them out, hoping it helps alleviate the alienation and loneliness and estrangement, alienation from not only my remaining two much more than ever, messed up brothers, but all of society.

Last year on New Year's Eve it had all been so hard for the holiday season, the season was ending, and I cried my eyes out on New Year's Eve, wondering if I could die if I jumped from my third floor balcony.

So how is it for others here, do you do anything to try to cope? Does it help if you do? Any depressions, are they worse? Or how about family gatherings, how are they for you, or company holiday parties, if you work?

 

[BlueWidow]

I'm sorry to hear about how difficult the holidays are for you and how your family makes it worse. I can relate.

As a child, I always wanted the heart warming holiday scenarios you see on TV. Every year I would get all excited, hoping that this was going to be the year. Every year, I was bitterly disappointed. When my family would get together, it would always end up in a huge argument with everyone storming off and not speaking to each other for several months. Every year there were always one or two people that were absent from our get togethers because so and so wasn't speaking to so-and-so, etc.
By the time I was a teenager, I loathed the holidays and was perfectly happy to spend them alone, even if it meant I had to eat a TV dinner by myself. At least it was peaceful, no shouting or bickering over all kinds of stupid crap that doesn't even matter.
In college, I had friends who I would get together with and we would have anti-holiday celebrations. Those weren't too bad and usually involved a lot of drinking.
Finally, I met my husband and I learned what having a happy holiday season really means. My husband and I had some wonderful holidays together. Our favorite holidays were our wedding anniversary, Dec 27th, & New Year's Eve. But he also managed to make my Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Valentine's days special as well. The only time I ever looked forward to holidays or really enjoyed them was when I could celebrate with my husband.
This holiday season will be the 3rd one in a row, and hopefully my last one, without him.
(He passed away on October 15, 2017)
For the last two years, I have avoided all holiday related things. I haven't watched any holiday specials, or put up a tree, or done anything else. I've actually spent the last 2 Christmas Eve/Christmas Days, Wedding Anniversaries & New Year's Eve/New Year's Days either watching non-holiday movies & tv shows while stuffing myself with food until I threw up or drinking until I passed out.
This year, since I intend it to be my last holiday season, I may attempt to watch a few of the holiday shows that I used to watch with my husband (if I can stand it and it doesn't get me too upset). For my anniversary and New Year's Eve, I will most likely do what I usually do and drink until I pass out. I may also take a couple of Benzos or something to help me sleep for a day or two so that I won't have to be awake, particularly for my wedding anniversary.

I don't have to do family get togethers anymore because all of my family is pretty much dead now. I much prefer to spend it by myself anyway just being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Some people may find it sad that I spend holidays alone, but I much prefer that to being around a bunch of people who will probably be talking about stuff that I don't care about anyway.

I used to do similar things to what you were talking about with buying the nativity scene and so forth to try to alleviate my loneliness and depression during the holidays before I met my husband. I remember I used to have a little table top Christmas tree that I would put out every year. I don't really bother with any of that stuff anymore because I don't have the energy to put those things up, only to have to take them down a few weeks later. That is too much energy for me to exert these days.

Another thing I like to do that I haven't done in the last couple of years is listen to Christmas music. A lot of the Christmas music I listen to is Christmas comedy music, like the songs they used to play on the Dr. Demento radio show. I don't know if you're familiar with that or not. I have a CD that's called "Twisted Christmas" by the Bob Rivers Comedy Corp. I believe they're a comedy troupe from Canada. Anyway, I like Christmas music like that that's funny. Or old songs like "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" by Spike Jones. Then, of course, there's the old rock 'n' roll Christmas songs like "Run, Run, Rudolph" by Chuck Berry.
So I think I'll gather up all the movies and music, both Christmas and non-Christmas, that I want to watch and listen to between now and early January when I plan to ctb.
I'm going to try to watch all my favorite movies, listen to all my favorite songs, eat all my favorite foods, and just have as pleasant of a holiday season as I can. It may actually be a little more pleasant this year since I know this will most definitely be my last one. Part of what used to bother me was every year I would think. "God, not this again! How many more times do I have to endure this?".
This year I will know I won't ever have to endure it again. That might actually make it a little easier.
I hope you find some ways to get through the holiday season and to make it easier on yourself. Good luck.

 

[Tegan_sky]

Thank you, BlueWidow, for taking the time for such a thoughtful reply. I hope this holiday season goes easier for you too, blessings. <3

 

[Final Escape]

I'm not sure how I'm going to get through it it's going to be really difficult though. I'm alone and middle age. No kids no fam nothing. My neighbor said I could spend Christmas with them I'm like oh thank god I have somewhere to go. They have a nice family.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I'm just going to send out a bunch of texts. I got used to being alone on holidays. I'm not particularly talking to my aunt so that's new.

At least I have the day off of work.

 

[kappa]

This will be the third year of no holiday celebrations. The relationship I had with my family died, and they were all I had. I didn't really mind being alone on the actual holidays, but I hated coming back to work afterwards. Would get asked if I had a nice Thanksgiving, if I got anything good for Christmas... wasn't sure how to respond to that besides lying. I think this year I will just flat out say I don't celebrate them anymore.

 

[Santiago]

I've been doing it alone my whole life. Up until I was 13th with an alcoholic parent and after that until now (22) all alone. You tell me which one is worse, but I guess I am used to it. I just watch movies on both evenings.

 

[SawItOnce]

When holidays approach I'm usually numb enough to them that it doesn't even feel as if they or people who celebrate them exist. It's just like some surreal movie I've once watched and successfully (and bitterly) shrugged off. But there are moments when somebody who's next to me (wherever, whenever) receives a smile and I don't and then the reality of my loneliness kicks in so hard, I'm instantly aware of everything I've never had and can't have. Hell breaks loose. Weirdly enough, I'm too busy with the torture to even think of ctb ing. I have everything I need for that + the panic is at its peak in that moment, but killing myself doesn't come to mind. It's when that which I have panic about gets a feeling of obvious matter of factedness (like of course it is like this and of course it will always be like this) that I give up. Probably panic is a way of opposing something, a kind of existential fight response, a moment of acute awareness of the fluctuation in hope, an SI. Shit, I think I just discovered the obvious for everyone but me, that panic *is* the survival instinct.

@BlueWidow, I'm so so so sorry for your loss.

 

[End Piece]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I also realized I don't want to see either side of my family this year. I was gonna mope around in my room all day, but then I thought hey! Why don't I volunteer somewhere? It will make me get out of the house, have a good excuse not to see them and hopefully do a little good.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

This year I will do whatever my wife, my friends and dad want. She always loves the holidays. I used too until my mother passed away. I want these to be good memories for her and my inner circle of friends as I don't plan to be here for the next one. I can at least give them that. I have begun to write my letters and consider them to be a work in progress only to be finished right before I ctb.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I went through this on my first year in college. I made myself a pretty crappy feast (think like stuff you can make in a dorm) and ate that. It was delicious. These daysbI send texts and phone call people.

First holidays where I'm not exactly speaking with my aunt so that's a thing.

 

[Susannah]

I'm sorry to hear about how difficult the holidays are for you and how your family makes it worse. I can relate.

As a child, I always wanted the heart warming holiday scenarios you see on TV. Every year I would get all excited, hoping that this was going to be the year. Every year, I was bitterly disappointed. When my family would get together, it would always end up in a huge argument with everyone storming off and not speaking to each other for several months. Every year there were always one or two people that were absent from our get togethers because so and so wasn't speaking to so-and-so, etc.
By the time I was a teenager, I loathed the holidays and was perfectly happy to spend them alone, even if it meant I had to eat a TV dinner by myself. At least it was peaceful, no shouting or bickering over all kinds of stupid crap that doesn't even matter.
In college, I had friends who I would get together with and we would have anti-holiday celebrations. Those weren't too bad and usually involved a lot of drinking.
Finally, I met my husband and I learned what having a happy holiday season really means. My husband and I had some wonderful holidays together. Our favorite holidays were our wedding anniversary, Dec 27th, & New Year's Eve. But he also managed to make my Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Valentine's days special as well. The only time I ever looked forward to holidays or really enjoyed them was when I could celebrate with my husband.
This holiday season will be the 3rd one in a row, and hopefully my last one, without him.
(He passed away on October 15, 2017)
For the last two years, I have avoided all holiday related things. I haven't watched any holiday specials, or put up a tree, or done anything else. I've actually spent the last 2 Christmas Eve/Christmas Days, Wedding Anniversaries & New Year's Eve/New Year's Days either watching non-holiday movies & tv shows while stuffing myself with food until I threw up or drinking until I passed out.
This year, since I intend it to be my last holiday season, I may attempt to watch a few of the holiday shows that I used to watch with my husband (if I can stand it and it doesn't get me too upset). For my anniversary and New Year's Eve, I will most likely do what I usually do and drink until I pass out. I may also take a couple of Benzos or something to help me sleep for a day or two so that I won't have to be awake, particularly for my wedding anniversary.

I don't have to do family get togethers anymore because all of my family is pretty much dead now. I much prefer to spend it by myself anyway just being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Some people may find it sad that I spend holidays alone, but I much prefer that to being around a bunch of people who will probably be talking about stuff that I don't care about anyway.

I used to do similar things to what you were talking about with buying the nativity scene and so forth to try to alleviate my loneliness and depression during the holidays before I met my husband. I remember I used to have a little table top Christmas tree that I would put out every year. I don't really bother with any of that stuff anymore because I don't have the energy to put those things up, only to have to take them down a few weeks later. That is too much energy for me to exert these days.

Another thing I like to do that I haven't done in the last couple of years is listen to Christmas music. A lot of the Christmas music I listen to is Christmas comedy music, like the songs they used to play on the Dr. Demento radio show. I don't know if you're familiar with that or not. I have a CD that's called "Twisted Christmas" by the Bob Rivers Comedy Corp. I believe they're a comedy troupe from Canada. Anyway, I like Christmas music like that that's funny. Or old songs like "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" by Spike Jones. Then, of course, there's the old rock 'n' roll Christmas songs like "Run, Run, Rudolph" by Chuck Berry.
So I think I'll gather up all the movies and music, both Christmas and non-Christmas, that I want to watch and listen to between now and early January when I plan to ctb.
I'm going to try to watch all my favorite movies, listen to all my favorite songs, eat all my favorite foods, and just have as pleasant of a holiday season as I can. It may actually be a little more pleasant this year since I know this will most definitely be my last one. Part of what used to bother me was every year I would think. "God, not this again! How many more times do I have to endure this?".
This year I will know I won't ever have to endure it again. That might actually make it a little easier.
I hope you find some ways to get through the holiday season and to make it easier on yourself. Good luck.

❤

 

[SelfHatingAspie]

Yet another reason why I hate the holiday season. There are a lot of people out there that have negative associations with this time of year, and the way normies revel in it just seems to be rubbing it in the faces of the rest of us.

If I had my way, I'd spend my holidays on vacation in a country where they're not locked into this Western "happy holidays" mentality. I guess that means somewhere in Asia, idk.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

How I deal with holidays:
They don't exist to me. I try to forget the dates. On a particular holiday, It doesn't even register to me that the day is a holiday. Only my wife, daughter and stepsons birthdays matter to me.

 

[tabletop]

Holidays are pretty meaningless to me also. I enjoyed them as a child but as an adult I just am not fond of holidays. I just dont like the expectations that come with them such as gift buying etc all because its a certain date on the calendar. I dont get extra lonely and sad for the holidays. Just maybe a bit irritated by the holidays.

But sometimes I wish I was more into the holidays. I feel it could help me "fit in" better. I think it could help me maintain relationships better cause I understand holidays are important to many. While I just generally ignore the dates.

I sure do love the time off work though! Lol. I work in factories and generally get a week off for the 4th of July and a week or two off for Christmas.

 

[arposandra]

I deliberately try to always work on holidays and explicitly take my vacations at other times (ie. non-holidays)

Even if I gotta pick up side gigs I'd rather do that than stay home alone and have my brain start attacking me and spouting. negative recursive feedback. I'm not completely positive on holidays, but I try to be too occupied to notice loneliness.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Same way I cope with anything I'm capable of coping with: not giving a flying fuck.

It's once you give a shit, that's when everything goes to hell.

 

[enjoy]

i stick with family and try not to think about it. i also get drunk. i think i've been drunk on every holiday since fourth of july last year.