How do you want to go vs how you think you will actually go ™️

[Sleeper System]

There is a distinction made between depression and just sadness about your circumstances. The idea for the latter being that you want to die because things aren't the way you want them to be or because something temporary that feels permanent is happening to you and if you could fix those things then you wouldnt want to die. The idea for the former being that your mind for whatever reason is trying to override the instincts of the body.

I think personally my sadness has led to my mind justifying itself for wanting to give up on everything.

I wish I could live a comfortable life then die of old age in a bed. Family and friends around me would be nice but alone and peaceful wouldn't be so bad either.

How I think I will go is the ctb plan I have in my mind.
I dont see any other way than shooting myself in the head and falling off a tall building simultaneously. I don't want to fail. It would be worse than anything else.

How do you want to go vs how do you think you will go?

 

[cyclicism]

I can't tell where my thought process lands in your two options. I am, truly, just sad about my circumstances. Those circumstances, however, just being an inability to be content. A deep seated nothingness that keeps crawling back.

I really thought that I was past this, I thought I had gotten past the hurdle and would someday, eventually, experience death not at my own hands.

It's a toss up now. Technically it's more likely that I end up partially suspended in my closet someday. It may not be soon, but all it takes is for things to get to a level where I finally decide, 'time's up, I'm not doing this anymore'. And we'll get a ball rolling for it's descent to hell. It's just a waiting game. Maybe I'll stay waiting my whole life, and then death will collect me by other means, but considering suicide will be whispering at me the whole way, that is not my prediction of how things will go.

 

[Sleeper System]

I can't tell where my thought process lands in your two options. I am, truly, just sad about my circumstances. Those circumstances, however, just being an inability to be content. A deep seated nothingness that keeps crawling back.

I really thought that I was past this, I thought I had gotten past the hurdle and would someday, eventually, experience death not at my own hands.

It's a toss up now. Technically it's more likely that I end up partially suspended in my closet someday. It may not be soon, but all it takes is for things to get to a level where I finally decide, 'time's up, I'm not doing this anymore'. And we'll get a ball rolling for it's descent to hell. It's just a waiting game. Maybe I'll stay waiting my whole life, and then death will collect me by other means, but considering suicide will be whispering at me the whole way, that is not my prediction of how things will go.

I get it. Sadly, I'm at that point right now. My time is up.
I think I have a month left in me. I don't want to do this anymore.

 

[cyclicism]

I get it. Sadly, I'm at that point right now. My time is up.
I think I have a month left in me. I don't want to do this anymore.

Life's a bitch, and by god is it hard not to get worn down.
I wish you success in your ventures, whichever way they go.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

i wanted to go naturally. old age or cancer or something. BUt that is impossible now, sedation suicide/euthanasia for me would have been preferable, but it's going to be SN and if the side effects are out of control given my fragile condition, I like to think I will be able to shoot myself so i don't suffer anymore.

 

[human909]

I wanted it to be something like jumping but i am trying to overcome my SI thoughts which i am pretty good at handling right now but i think my SI thoughts will take over when i actually get there.

 

[Sleeper System]

i wanted to go naturally. old age or cancer or something. BUt that is impossible now, sedation suicide/euthanasia for me would have been preferable, but it's going to be SN and if the side effects are out of control given my fragile condition, I like to think I will be able to shoot myself so i don't suffer anymore.

I hope I can finish myself quick. I don't even know where I'd get a gun given my state's super strict policies but I'll have to find a way.

I wanted it to be something like jumping but i am trying to overcome my SI thoughts which i am pretty good at handling right now but i think my SI thoughts will take over when i actually get there.

You just have to not think about it and jump. That's how sky divers do it the first time when they are scared. but not thinking is easier said than done.

 

[nomoredolor]

I want to live and spend my life with my best friend and when we both can't do it anymore we will die in each others arms using SN.

That can't happen because he Ctb without me

So I will do it alone looking at his pictures and thinking about him

I'm relieved to have this option to take my own life. My SN kit is ready to go and now I have the luxury of timing. I'm trying to stay until later this Fall but I'm not sure that's in the cards.

I am planning everything after death so it's less work for my family. My guilt is heavy on my shoulders.

Anna

 

[Sleeper System]

Getting sn is so complicated to me. I wish I had that option. I'm glad someone else does though. Your best friend going before you must have been tough. At least their pain is finally over. Soon we will join all the lost souls.

 

[Ereshkigal's Toy]

I want to go peacefully in my sleep, as painlessly as possible, ideally with loved ones at my side.

Far more likely, I'll die hungry and freezing in the streets, gasping for breath, when I can no longer afford asthma meds, housing, or food, much less a means to ctb with dignity.

 

[cme-dme]

I want to go peacefully in my sleep, as painlessly as possible, ideally with loved ones at my side.

Far more likely, I'll die hungry and freezing in the streets, gasping for breath, when I can no longer afford asthma meds, housing, or food, much less a means to ctb with dignity.

This is my fear. I can't work a full time job so to me it's either I die by my own hands or die on the street how ever many years from now.

I want to live and spend my life with my best friend and when we both can't do it anymore we will die in each others arms using SN.

That can't happen because he Ctb without me

So I will do it alone looking at his pictures and thinking about him

I'm relieved to have this option to take my own life. My SN kit is ready to go and now I have the luxury of timing. I'm trying to stay until later this Fall but I'm not sure that's in the cards.

I am planning everything after death so it's less work for my family. My guilt is heavy on my shoulders.

Anna

I'm sorry he left without you...The thought of dying in the arms of somebody I love and care about is appealing even if I know most likely it wouldn't be as peaceful as I make it out to be in my head. Most of my friends who were once depressed and suicidal are on the way to recovery while I remain at the bottom so there's that. I'm happy for them though.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

I think personally my sadness has led to my mind justifying itself for wanting to give up on everything.

To this I can relate and I'm sorry for your sadness.
How I want to go? Not sad like this, happy with the person I belong to, without thoughts to ctb, however life may decide to end.
How I think? Today I don't want to think of the ctb planned for the end, but it's there in the back of my mind, present, waiting.
I don't know the future, but I wish you comfort in these sad times, nobody knows about tomorrow really.

 

[cowboydan]

i want to go in a more violent way such as train as I would feel it would fit me as a person but realistically I'd be too much of a coward and probably just inject something or hang by doorknob

 

[SunriseParabellum]

I wanna shoot myself tomorrow
What will actually happen is I'll shoot myself ten years from now when the people I'm trying to prop up get their feet under themselves and don't need me anymore

 

[Sleeper System]

i want to go in a more violent way such as train as I would feel it would fit me as a person but realistically I'd be too much of a coward and probably just inject something or hang by doorknob.

When I first started contemplating suicide I wanted to die violently and publicly so the world could see what it did to me and how far it had to go before it could end for me. I think it was because I wanted to be seen and feel heard. I wanted to be pitied and feel sorry for. When I realize I wouldn't even be here to get any sort of comfort from that act of social defiance, It became clear that I wanted to die alone and in a peaceful way. Being found like that some how says more I think.

I wanna shoot myself tomorrow
What will actually happen is I'll shoot myself ten years from now when the people I'm trying to prop up get their feet under themselves and don't need me anymore

I think many of us feel this way. We have friends or family who we want to make sure are good before we go. We hope they appreciate the sacrifice we make for them by prolonging our own ends but what they say is true. You don't appreciate something until it's gone.

 

[itbelikethat]

I've spent my entire life trying to improve myself, give myself stability, learn how to socialize, learn to love myself.

I made a good amount of progress, and even started pursuing higher education (admittedly a little later than most). But something was still off, I always felt different, like everyone would look at me in disgust, or petty, or make me into a joke.

Turns out, on top of adhd I probably have asd, and have spent a great deal of energy masking it, even tricking myself into thinking my inability to connect with others was a result of trauma that I could fix.

But after this realization, I know it's hopeless, I always knew I was unfit fir this world, fir genuine connections and all. But now I know it's a permanent part of my being.

I'd love to die in my bed old and alone, a month or two after a certain person died who would be my partner in this ideal world. The money we saved would go to the education of our friends children, or a charity.

I'll probably drink a glass of SN and not be found till after my cat has taken a nibble out of me. Laying on my cheap Japanese matt on the floor.

 

[FaultyCepheus]

Easy answer would be peacefully in my sleep but honestly anything without suicide strings, i just feel guilty putting my family and friends through that, i know dying either way is gonna hurt someone but maybe a way without someone thinking 'ah i shouldve noticed' or something like that, i dont know.

I will probably go by hanging as its the only method i have access to at the moment that has the best success rate

 

[TheHolySword]

I want to die by suicide and that's how it's gonna happen. Nothing else to say about it.

 

[Sleeper System]

I want to die by suicide and that's how it's gonna happen. Nothing else to say about it.

Gang.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I wanna go peacefully in sleep or sudden cardiac arrest.

What will happen probably is I will die in suicide or accident will happen.

 

[Reflection]

I would love to die of old age surrounded by people whom I love. But that's something I don't think I'll get to have and it just tortures me everyday. I don't think that all bad circumstances are temporary