How do you tell a friend?

[lucyanne]

I have a very close friend who i love to bits and who knows I have been suicidal but we have never spoken properly about it.

So tonight I tried to talk to them and the first thing was I need to talk to my wife.
No I don't need advice there, I'm not comfortable discussing this with my recently suicidal wife.

The conversation just descended from there.


Soooo how do you talk to friends about the full depth and ramifications of what I've lived with for 30 odd years without being rejected?

 

[d34dincid3]

Short answer is I would not. Leave them a note. People don't feel comfortable talking about such things from my experience :/

 

[lucyanne]

Then how do you find a friend to support you in probably the most important journey i will ever take?

 

[Redacted24]

It's difficult to do, but it's a really, really big thing for the one you're sharing with. So I've found that a hesitatingly roundabout approach tends to not make the other person run away.

I've tried to be straightforward, that has never worked well. Except on these pages.

Maybe try opening with a general, vague statement to the effect that things of late are getting you down... and ask them if they get that way too.

Be empathetic with them. You never know... they might be dealing with things you had no idea about. Try to feel them out.

It might take a few increasingly candid discussions before you can admit to being to the point where death seems like a good option. Describing how you heard of someone that ended their life made you feel / question is a gentle way to probe.

But you'll have to feel them out the whole way, and be prepared to back off and deflect if there's signs of guard being raised or negative reaction.

For them, it's a uncomfortable topic, like telling them someone they love is dying of a terminal illness. Sure, they should accept with understanding and compassion, but if they haven't been prepared for such news they won't react as well as if the seeds were planted earlier.

Just a thought. Wishing you the best. And we're here for you!