Discussion How do you personally respond when a member doesn't say goodbye?

[GoodPersonEffed]

There are so many folks who cycle through here, some for a moment, some for more than a year. We're all so different, and both approach and experience the forum differently. Some folks just want a method, some develop personal relationships. Me, I communicate. A lot. It's just how I am.

I'm curious about how folks feel when someone doesn't write a goodbye thread and just stops posting.

Do you even notice?

If you do notice, are you sad/upset/distraught/offended etc.?

Do you feel let down, as if a television show ended the season with a cliffhanger but then wasn't renewed, so you never find out what happened?

Do you just shrug and go on focusing on your own stuff?

Does it cause a ripple, a wave, or a tsunami in your life, or does it have no effect at all?

 

[Darkhaven]

I definately don't feel a "let down, as if a television show ended the season with a cliffhanger but then wasn't renewed, so you never find out what happened" because i'm not one of those people who come here to enjoy watching others suffer and kill themselves. Like for example, the other day i was asked by another member if i really wanted to die because i have been here too long on his/hers opinion. I don't think a site such as this should be some sort of reality show.
With that being said, i feel melancholic and bleak when i realise some other member may have died. If there is no goodbye thread than that's just going to make it worse as i will be wondering about whether they're gone or not.
And because of the countless people that there used to be here when i joined and how a significant part of them left, coming to this website has been making me more depressed, hence why i haven't been posting as much as i did in the past. I wonder why everything in my life ends up being forlorn, sad and depressing. I shall never find happiness in my life it seems. Already getting used to it.

 

[mesohappy]

I just figure they went on to better things in one way or the other..I do sometimes wonder though.One user in particular who I respected and liked their posts,and was pretty prolific for awhile,just up and disappeared.I do wonder about him sometimes.Hope he found whatever peace he found..Good byes aint for everybody.

 

[waterbottleman]

I really hate to admit this because a lot of people (one of whom is you GoodPersonEffed) have treated me with a lot of kindness, acknowledgment, and attention here but most of the time if a user simply stops posting on here without a goodbye thread I won't notice that they're gone. It doesn't really occur to me "hey I haven't seen X person post in a while." If I see their name crossed out that's entirely different, I will remember them and wonder what happened to them. If they don't post for a while but then start posting again I will remember and think "hey I haven't seen this person in a while." However if they just disappear it will probably go unnoticed by me.

It's hard to describe and put into words, but I just don't really get attached to people that much. I feel like I'm incapable of forming strong connections with people and I don't understand why. It has nothing to do with trust issues or being abused in the past, being scared of rejection or anything like that. I've always been like this, I have noticed ever since I was a teenager that the bonds normal people make between each other are stronger than mine. I noticed it among my group of friends as I was growing up, they just seemed to "click" with each other in a way that I was unable to.

Besides my family, I have only ever felt a strong emotional connection with one person and that was my girlfriend when I was 17. I'm 29 and I still think about her every once in a while, I still remember her birthday even though we haven't spoken in over a decade and every time her birthday comes I remember it. I don't feel romantic towards her anymore, I don't wish I was in a relationship with her, but I do remember how I used to feel about her and also I still care about her as a person and hope she is happy with her life.

Sometimes I wonder if that is part of the reason why I yearn for a romantic relationship so much because it's the only strong connection with another person I'm capable of forming.

I don't dislIke people, I like people, I have compassion for other people and I care about how other people feel and want what is best for everyone. But in a way I cannot explain I just don't form strong bonds with people.

I'm also extremely lonely and you'd think I'd be desperate to form bonds with anybody who is friendly to me, and yet I don't. It sounds contradictory and honestly it is, it's very confusing.

I know there is something wrong with me, I know I have some mental condition and it being undiagnosed has probably lead me down to being a broken and depressed person.