how do you make sure you are ready to die

[user667]

i have been depressed for a couple years and suicidal for about a year. i have my reasons for wanting to die, which i don't need to go into here, but it is beyond the typical "i'm so sad, don't see anything getting better, want to escape my pain" sort of thing although that is part of it. beyond my pain and mental illness, my suicidality is also existential, due to the fact i am incredibly unlikeable, self hatred, i just don't like life and all that it is and don't see any point or reason to stay at all. but i feel like what i want changes sometimes. the wish to die never goes away. but sometimes i feel like there is a part of me that is unsure. i'm not really sure what to do with it. how do you make 100% positive before you do something you can't take back? i really really really want to die all day every day but i don't want to make a mistake

 

[PrettyMoose]

There is no way to be 100% certain about anything really. Even the best scientists aren't 100% certain and will say that there is still much that they don't know. It's the nature of science anyway, understandings can change with new evidence coming in.

 

[user667]

There is no way to be 100% certain about anything really. Even the best scientists aren't 100% certain and will say that there is still much that they don't know. It's the nature of science anyway, understandings can change with new evidence coming in.

yeah but why are you here? do you want to die and if so why, not like why you want to die but why you are sure you want to

 

[PrettyMoose]

We all have to die anyway and I'd rather die by my own hands than by whatever nature has in store for me which will likely be full of worse suffering.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Perhaps something wants your attention and that's why you're unsure. If that's true, some ideas would be to journal about it, or respond here, or ask it what it wants to tell you and then let it come up when it's ready without any pressure or demands.

 

[PatheticGirl43]

I think, like PrettyNoose said, there's no way to be sure 100% without a doubt of anything.

For me, it's just something that I feel very strongly. I've had moments of "hope" where I thought maybe I could get better, but I always come back to just knowing that I'm going to ctb sooner or later.

 

[Glowbaby]

Ive always dealt with the struggle of life. Ive had 2 past attempts over a long span. The only thing that ever gave me purpose was my daughter. She unfortunately was just like me with her struggles with depression and attempts as well. She was killed a month ago and I feel like i died that day with her and they forgot to take me too. I cant do this anymore

 

[art711]

You have to just accept whats coming. Let go of everything. Be calm. Everything is temporary. Including life. Some people just opt out to go earlier. In the year 2120 will people remember? Everyone you know will be dead.

 

[Glowbaby]

I accepted fully when my child was hit by one one random bullet, it wasnt intended for her, what are the odds of just one out of nowhere to hit her so perfectly they were never able to revive her

 

[art711]

So sorry about your daughter. This world is unjust. Thats why I don't believe in a god. Anyways my comment was directed at OP on how to be on a better state of mind before ctb.

 

[Glowbaby]

Whatever is needed absolutely for state of mind.