Mooncry
꥟♡⏾
- Sep 11, 2024
- 178
I'm someone who struggles a lot with self discipline and actually making myself do things—even things that I know need to be done. It's a huge reason why I'm such a failure in life, but I digress.
I can't for the life of me wrap my head around the concept of being committed to doing something. Like wholeheartedly committed to where not doing said thing isn't an option. You know you're going to do it, no matter your feelings in the moment, it's set in stone. No second thoughts.
Obviously in this case I'm referring to people who decide that they're committed to CTB. Is commitment like an unmistakable sense that you just suddenly get? Or is it just something you tell yourself and believe?
I've been trying to figure it out ever since reading a post here of someone who stabbed themselves in an attempt to CTB—more than once even. They specifically mentioned in the post about how they were committed in spite of fear or hesitation, and I just don't understand… Even if you tell yourself that you're going to do something no matter what, how do you not have that voice in your head questioning if you're truly serious? How can true commitment be possible when you know you have the free will to back out? You're never "locked" into doing something, even if you tell yourself that you are.
In the week leading up to the date I'd set to die, I kept repeating over and over that I was committed. Every time doubt would creep in, I'd tell myself it didn't matter because it was going to happen anyway. Yet I feel that I never truly believed it… Clearly not because I'm still here.
Am I just over-complicating it? Is this related to poor self discipline and something I'm gonna have to work on? It's so frustrating not being able to hold myself to anything, especially when I just want this to be over already…
I can't for the life of me wrap my head around the concept of being committed to doing something. Like wholeheartedly committed to where not doing said thing isn't an option. You know you're going to do it, no matter your feelings in the moment, it's set in stone. No second thoughts.
Obviously in this case I'm referring to people who decide that they're committed to CTB. Is commitment like an unmistakable sense that you just suddenly get? Or is it just something you tell yourself and believe?
I've been trying to figure it out ever since reading a post here of someone who stabbed themselves in an attempt to CTB—more than once even. They specifically mentioned in the post about how they were committed in spite of fear or hesitation, and I just don't understand… Even if you tell yourself that you're going to do something no matter what, how do you not have that voice in your head questioning if you're truly serious? How can true commitment be possible when you know you have the free will to back out? You're never "locked" into doing something, even if you tell yourself that you are.
In the week leading up to the date I'd set to die, I kept repeating over and over that I was committed. Every time doubt would creep in, I'd tell myself it didn't matter because it was going to happen anyway. Yet I feel that I never truly believed it… Clearly not because I'm still here.
Am I just over-complicating it? Is this related to poor self discipline and something I'm gonna have to work on? It's so frustrating not being able to hold myself to anything, especially when I just want this to be over already…
I don't really know what to say other than this isn't very helpful as it doesn't answer my question, and it kind of feels condescending, especially with the "find some help" part, even if you didn't mean it that way. Not saying this to be rude or anything. But thanks anyway.
