Help How do you know if you're traumatized?

[odette]

I was at the psych ward recently and since I got back, I'm constantly swinging between two moods. Complete terror like something horrible is going to happen to me, and then a floating zen feeling where I don't care about anything and everything feels fine.

It's weird, because what happened to me there is nowhere near as bad as things that happened to me before, it didn't last anywhere near as long, plus I'm much older now so I should be able to handle it better. But it felt so much like things that happened to me before even if it shouldn't. So this is almost definitely just me being weird and crazy, not that anything bad actually happened. Not to mention it's entirely my own fault that I ended up there!

I'm constantly feeling like one of the staff is coming at me. Even though I logically know I'm far away from them now, it still feels like a psych ward staff member is right behind me. In public places, I'm constantly gritting my teeth and fighting the urge to scream out "Please don't touch me!" Every tiny little noise is making me jump out of my skin.

Is this traumatized? I googled the symptoms and it sounds like everything is a symptom from irritability to aches and pains. I don't really have a valid reason to be traumatized? What is it?

 

[WhiteRabbit]

It sounds like you at least have some residual anxiety over being in the ward. It will probably lessen in time, i'm sorry that this happened to you. I've never been to a psych ward, but from what i've read here it sounds like they do more harm than good.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Do you have anyone you can talk over the experience you had with? All sorts of experiences in life can leave us with with residual anxiety as @WhiteRabbit says. It sounds as if your "fight or flight" mechanism is running on red alert so it would be good if you can find some way of bringing that horrible sense of panic down. What after care do you have in place from leaving the ward?

 

[odette]

Do you have anyone you can talk over the experience you had with? All sorts of experiences in life can leave us with with residual anxiety as @WhiteRabbit says. It sounds as if your "fight or flight" mechanism is running on red alert so it would be good if you can find some way of bringing that horrible sense of panic down. What after care do you have in place from leaving the ward?

I have no friends or family, which is kind of why I went to the psych ward in the first place. The doctor who checked me out said that he could send me to a "trauma treatment" for what he said was a "traumatic childhood" (though I don't think my childhood was traumatic at all). But he said that kind of therapy is "the most stressful and demanding therapy there is" and I shouldn't begin it until I have "support and validation" from people in my life. I was told the exact same thing when I sought help before, that I need social support more than I need therapy and that therapy won't work without social support.

Then when I try to make friends, people see that I have issues and don't want anything to do with me and tell me to go get therapy.

Therapists: Go away and make friends.
Potential friends: Go away and get therapy.

So this is why suicide is starting to look like the only option. One possibility I'm considering is hiring an escort to hug me. I'm sorry I'm so talkative and self-involved. I'm so worked up right now. Thank you so much for putting up with it.

 

[Skathon]

Have you taken any neuroleptic medicaments in the past few weeks? It sounds similar to their side effects and withdrawal syndrome.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yes, that makes sense, it's like you're trapped in a circle - you can't move forward or break out. I don't mean to pry, and don't answer if you don't feel comfortable, is it that your family are dead or that you have no contact?

 

[odette]

Have you taken any neuroleptic medicaments in the past few weeks? It sounds similar to their side effects and withdrawal syndrome.

No, I didn't take any meds while I was there.

 

[odette]

Yes, that makes sense, it's like you're trapped in a circle - you can't move forward or break out. I don't mean to pry, and don't answer if you don't feel comfortable, is it that your family are dead or that you have no contact?

You're not prying. It makes me happy when someone asks me questions about myself. It doesn't happen very often. I have no contact with my family since I was 16.

 

[NoOneKnows]

Therapists: Go away and make friends.
Potential friends: Go away and get therapy. > so accurate

- it appears as if yo u being traumatized to some degree.(for me ,for months after being forcefully commited to psych ward, I had vivid nightmares every night ,waking up thinking Im there or they are coming for me, during the day i was hunted as well, i still haev them, but more sporadically)

To your comment about that you dont think you had traumatic childhood at all. Sometimes its not about the things that DID happened , instead its about things that DID NOT happen (such as in case of emotional neglect for instance)

 

[JustAboutDone]

Therapists: Go away and make friends.
Potential friends: Go away and get therapy. > so accurate

- it appears as if yo u being traumatized to some degree.(for me ,for months after being forcefully commited to psych ward, I had vivid nightmares every night ,waking up thinking Im there or they are coming for me, during the day i was hunted as well, i still haev them, but more sporadically)

To your comment about that you dont think you had traumatic childhood at all. Sometimes its not about the things that DID happened , instead its about things that DID NOT happen (such as in case of emotional neglect for instance)

Completely agree with every word you have written here. Could not have put it better

 

[JustAboutDone]

You're not prying. It makes me happy when someone asks me questions about myself. It doesn't happen very often. I have no contact with my family since I was 16.

I don't know if you work or are totally isolated? I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience in a psychiatric hospital :-( and then to not have any help afterwards must be overwhelming as you've just been left to your own devices. Are there things you like to do at all or can enjoy in the day?

 

[odette]

I don't know if you work or are totally isolated? I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience in a psychiatric hospital :-( and then to not have any help afterwards must be overwhelming as you've just been left to your own devices. Are there things you like to do at all or can enjoy in the day?

Thank you so much for your compassion, it's amazing!

I've been on partial sick leave since Christmas. Sitting alone at Christmas while everyone was posting happy celebration photos on Facebook drove me over the edge. My coworkers know I was at the psych ward because I told one person and then he told everyone else. Also, since I got back, I am very obviously in a state of panic, shaking and getting startled all the time. So everyone is keeping their distance from the weird freaky crazy lady. But programmers are in short supply, so I should keep my job at least if I can manage to get my productivity back up to an acceptable level.

As for things I like to do, not really anymore. Everything just hurts so much. No matter what I do, it doesn't make anything hurt less or be less terrifying. The absolute only thing I want is for someone to sit with me and hug me and let me cry on their shoulder. Anything that isn't that is pain.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Well that's a good thing - that you are good at your job and can keep it. I know that the dealing with work colleagues thing is awful - you just want a tiny bit of empathy and they treat you like you have some sort of infectious disease! Well THEY are the ones with the flaws - not you.

How can we get you to relax and feel calm? And even start to feel even a tiny bit of happiness? Have you thought about a massage? I know the thought of probably doing anything is terrifying but if we can find just tiny things that relax you it might help?

 

[odette]

Well that's a good thing - that you are good at your job and can keep it. I know that the dealing with work colleagues thing is awful - you just want a tiny bit of empathy and they treat you like you have some sort of infectious disease! Well THEY are the ones with the flaws - not you.

How can we get you to relax and feel calm? And even start to feel even a tiny bit of happiness? Have you thought about a massage? I know the thought of probably doing anything is terrifying but if we can find just tiny things that relax you it might help?

A massage is a good idea, thanks! Also, I briefly mentioned that I am seriously considering getting in touch with an escort and asking her to just sit with me and maybe hug me in a not-at-all sexual way. Expensive, but if it's the only way then I guess it's worth it.

You are so kind, sitting there thinking of ways to help me. Just incredible.

 

[JustAboutDone]

A massage is a good idea, thanks! Also, I briefly mentioned that I am seriously considering getting in touch with an escort and asking her to just sit with me and maybe hug me in a not-at-all sexual way. Expensive, but if it's the only way then I guess it's worth it.

You are so kind, sitting there thinking of ways to help me. Just incredible.

Oh you're welcome, honestly. That's what the site is about - support in all different ways and lots of people here support me so I just pass it on :-)

I think lots of escorts would be happy to do that and even on a regular basis. The reason I thought of massage was for similar reason - because gentle human touch can be very healing. Do you have any pets?

 

[odette]

Oh you're welcome, honestly. That's what the site is about - support in all different ways and lots of people here support me so I just pass it on :-)

I think lots of escorts would be happy to do that and even on a regular basis. The reason I thought of massage was for similar reason - because gentle human touch can be very healing. Do you have any pets?

I'm not telling you because you're a pet thief!

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm not telling you because you're a pet thief!

:-) I'm only plotting at the moment...

 

[odette]

:-) I'm only plotting at the moment...

Hypothetically, I have the loveliest, fuzziest, cuddliest kitty you can imagine. What about you? Do you have any pets?

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm just browsing the pet thread and making my selection...

I think I'll have a tarantula if @Norest4thewicked doesn't notice

 

[Norest4thewicked]

@JustAboutDone go get one! They're fascinating little creatures! Easy to care for, cheap to feed! What's not to love about a tarantula! My golden knee successfully mounted last week! She's even bigger now. I'll put a new photo on over the weekend

 

[JustAboutDone]

@JustAboutDone go get one! They're fascinating little creatures! Easy to care for, cheap to feed! What's not to love about a tarantula! My golden knee successfully mounted last week! She's even bigger now. I'll put a new photo on over the weekend

I've never had one! I'm worried I'd kill it because I wouldn't be able to leave it in peace!

 

[cornflowerblue]

I have no friends or family, which is kind of why I went to the psych ward in the first place. The doctor who checked me out said that he could send me to a "trauma treatment" for what he said was a "traumatic childhood" (though I don't think my childhood was traumatic at all). But he said that kind of therapy is "the most stressful and demanding therapy there is" and I shouldn't begin it until I have "support and validation" from people in my life. I was told the exact same thing when I sought help before, that I need social support more than I need therapy and that therapy won't work without social support.

Then when I try to make friends, people see that I have issues and don't want anything to do with me and tell me to go get therapy.

Therapists: Go away and make friends.
Potential friends: Go away and get therapy.

So this is why suicide is starting to look like the only option. One possibility I'm considering is hiring an escort to hug me. I'm sorry I'm so talkative and self-involved. I'm so worked up right now. Thank you so much for putting up with it.

Have you looked into DBT therapists? A proper program has group therapy, individual therapy, and phone check ins. They won't reject you for not having social support and the therapy has helped some with trauma. I don't have trauma so I can't share personal anecdotes unfortunately. Trauma is also being redefined in the mental health world and has come to be a very broad term that includes a lot of things most people wouldn't consider traumatic in the same way as being in a war or something.

 

[Meretlein]

I'm not sure if it is full blown PTSD in the clinical sense but its definitely trauma. I was traumatized by going to the ward too, many people were. I try to forget but it is very hard. It is going to be the main cause of my suicide.