Help How do you guys overcome the guilt of CTBing?

[HangMan123]

I am very fortunate.
I have a wonderful and caring family. I honestly can't imagine a better one.
My family has a dog, and although I know he probably won't be sad, I can't help but feel bad. (Like the rhyme ?)
I have great grandparents. I know they're suffering because of their senescence, but they continue to suffer through it for their family. They're in pain all day and one of them has poor memory that she gets super embarrassed by, yet they still manage to put on a smile whenever we come to see them. I went to see them today, and they were so kind—too kind for someone like me; they kept offering me all this food, telling me how much they love me, and how much they enjoy seeing me. And I think that since they're super old they keep talking to about my future and trying to give away things(?) So they were saying how I'm "such a wonderful young man," talking to me about how I have a "bright future ahead of me," and about some "lucky woman" who they're sure I'll marry. And they were trying to offer me all of these things that they're sure "will help me in the future." My grandma's a hoarder, so they offered a lot. The whole time I felt soooo horrible and guilty because I'm planning to not live to see that future. I feel so bad for having these thoughts even though I'm so fortunate—much more than probably anyone else on this site. And they're braving the pain and embarrassment for the family but I want to kill myself despite having it so much better. God, I'm so disgusting…
Every time I think about killing myself I'm overcome by an intense wave of guilt.
My dad even told me all teary-eyed—and he never cries—that if I killed myself he'd never be okay or be able to recover.
I just can't do it to them yet at the same time I don't know how I can keep on living like I am.
I know I probably sound like some spoiled princess punk (I am), so I apologize for babying, haha. And I'm so sorry for having these feelings even though you reading this must have it way worse.
Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone else also experiences such guilt and how they're able to overcome it.
Thanks for reading this; I know it must've been infuriating. I feel super embarrassed even posting this.

 

[1mm0lat3]

I've already planned and prepared my CTB, and throughout it all, the guilt is always there for me. I've not had a great life at all. But I know I will hurt the friends and family who care about me. I know I will devastate everything, but at the same time, I can't keep going. I've lost all hope a while ago. If I can't do it now, I know I will do it eventually.
I just try to push those feelings aside by remembering why I'm doing this and that we all die one day anyways.. it might as well be in our control. That's what I think anyways.
I'm sorry for what's led you to consider CTB. I wish you peace with whatever you choose to do.
There's no shame in having these feelings. We all have our reasons for wanting out of this cursed world.

 

[atlanticus0_0]

same im hoping ill revive after i die but in case i dont im worried abt my mom

 

[Forveleth]

Because I have done my time suffering for everyone else. I have spent years giving up everything for people that did not give a shit that I was slowly ruining myself for them. It is now my turn to take care of myself. Will it hurt people? Yes. But I no longer have it in me to keep suffering for other's sake.

 

[ummagumma]

i have the same situation. i have a perfect caring family, my parents love me more than anything, im a precious only child. if something happens to me, i guess they wont recover
i had an attempt last year, took 2 g of sn, ended up in icu. they were so relived i lived...
have you considered getting professional help? maybe you have tried, but it didnt work out? im trying. ive changed at least five specialists, and it didnt really get better. but i know i have to try again and again for my family. please, you have to try too

 

[itsgone2]

Every time I think about killing myself I'm overcome by an intense wave of guilt.
My dad even told me all teary-eyed—and he never cries—that if I killed myself he'd never be okay or be able to recover.

He knows you're thinking about it? Sorry if you've explained and I missed it.
I don't know that there is any way to deal with the guilt. It's just awful.

 

[HangMan123]

i have the same situation. i have a perfect caring family, my parents love me more than anything, im a precious only child. if something happens to me, i guess they wont recover
i had an attempt last year, took 2 g of sn, ended up in icu. they were so relived i lived...
have you considered getting professional help? maybe you have tried, but it didnt work out? im trying. ive changed at least five specialists, and it didnt really get better. but i know i have to try again and again for my family. please, you have to try too

Yeah—I have tried getting help. I'm still trying right now, but nothings working.
It's good but also sad to know that I'm not the only one going through this.
I'm trying to hold on as long as I can. Hopefully something happens to make things better for us. I'm glad to hear that you're still trying as well.
Good luck!

He knows you're thinking about it? Sorry if you've explained and I missed it.
I don't know that there is any way to deal with the guilt. It's just awful.

No you're good. It's my fault for not explaining. I left my phone unlocked while I went out and their nosy selves snooped around in it .

 

[idiotmother]

Struggling with the guilt too. I'm so sick and I've lost most quality of life but I still feel so guilty!! Like my family will never recover or forgive me. Irrevocable damage to everyone.
Struggling with the guilt too. I'm so sick and I've lost most quality of life but I still feel so guilty!! Like my family will never recover or forgive me. Irrevocable damage to everyone.