How do you find purpose in your life?

[Thatdude]

One of my problems is I simply don't have a reason to live, and I hate my life. And every avenue I am looking at for the future, I hate. Like it's nothing I can't do, but I'm asking myself why will I go to work at a job for several decades. I ask myself how am I going to curb my loneliness. And so on.

Like when I was growing up, I wanted to be someone that made a difference. Someone who would do great stuff, and remembered. Like we all know Leonardo Da Vinci, Tesla, Newton, and many of the other greats are. Because the greater the impact someone has had on humanity. They tend to be remembered for a greater period of time.
But over the last decade, I came to the conclusion that much of being like them comes down to luck. It's about knowing the right people, being born in the right family, having the resources to do whatever to start with, or having the support to do whatever. And I don't think I have any of above. The more I researched into it, for every Da Vinci. There is hundreds who didn't make it, and many of them are much more mentally able.
Like for me to make it, I wouldn't only have to figure out several solutions to life long problems. This being making a revolutionary product or some revolutionary discovery. I would need to be in the right place. So if it was a revolutionary discovery, realistically I would need to be with a PHD and working at a major university to get the recognition. And if it's making a revolutionary product, that would mean I would need know the investors that would invest, lawyers to protect the work, and others to help upscale the production. It would also mean on both that I would need the raw resources to figure whatever out, and so on.

And because it's stupid to put all your eggs in 1 basket so to speak (I believe this is why we know about Da Vinci). I looked into philosophy. But anything anyone will remember you for, I don't know of anyone who has made anything outside of ancient Greece. Like there is things like 6 sigma and what not. But, no one is going to remember the person who made that. In fact, I doubt anyone who studies that knows who made it first.

Any case, I mostly gave up. Like I will keep trying until I die. But I have serious doubts I will help humanity in any great way, and in 300+ years it wouldn't matter that I existed.
So my question to you is how do you find your reason to live?

NOTE: I don't have a spouse, and I don't have kids. I live with my parents, but I do have several degrees. I'm high functioning, so living with my parents at this time is my best option. There is pros and cons to this. I'm able to try things and invent things. But the con is, I'm seriously limited in my job prospects. Due to this I work for myself kinda. I make money off of the stock market, off of my 3D printer, some coding, and a few other things. (so note that I'm not sitting around have having a pity party)

 

[Misanthrope]

Purpose is going to be unique to the individual. I don't think it is something magically found. I feel like purpose evolves alongside you and more often than not that purpose is buried in whatever you are passionate about and put value in or even hate and want fixed. If you are not passionate about anything and little has value it is going to be hard to find purpose. As you cannot manufacture passion and value from nothing in the first place. Especially if you are not invested in anything.

My own purpose did not come from a healthy place initially. It came from a background of abuse and a frothing hatred of all my brother, mother and I endured. Alongside my homeless experience that shattered any societal illusions, I once had. So when I got to safe footing I wanted to spare others from toxic people and broken systems as best I could. It did not matter to me the sun would eventually consume the earth and all my efforts would be forgotten.

Because action can have a direct positive effect in the now. You cannot fix the world but you can make a difference on a small scale still, on an individual level at least. That may not be a peace prize or being famous and remembered for centuries. But to the individual in that moment it mattered. So for me giving people the tools to get them out of pain was not just a job but a vocation that gave me a lot of purpose despite the stress and piss poor pay. I guess it also made my own former pain useful, instead of entirely destructive. As I could weaponise my hate and use it constructively.

Outside of that was the pursuit of positive sometimes weird experience and sharing that with those I love. For me, some of the best aspects of life happened outside of my comfort zone. Outside of stale routine, of bills and dishes. Being a bit spontaneous and deciding to just try something a bit random and new for no other reason than to experience it. It was my personal joy to share that.

Essentially forming memories to be recounted on a deathbed one day... Again those memories will cease to exist eventually due to the heat death of the universe. But my niece beating me into the floor on Mario Kart had value to her in that instant as she giggled. As did my nephew getting to roll down a hill in a plastic ball, saying he felt sick but then asking to go again. Even if there is a nuclear holocaust tomorrow those moments still happened and cannot be taken away. It seems so small and trivial I guess. But that is where my value and purpose used to exist. I also found hobbies and more importantly connections through those hobbies and shared passions. There is a reason isolation is considered a psychological torture technique.

You reference a lot of inventors. You are right about luck. But what they also had was relentless curiosity and an adventurous spirit. So if your passion lies in inventing despite the risk of failure you should at least attempt it anyway simply because it seems to be what you are interested in. Many of the people you reference are born out of repeated failures, a few even lost everything before being recognised. It might be worth looking up Survivorship Bias. You may be psyching yourself out with it. This is a pretty good article on it.

https://youarenotsosmart.com/2013/05/23/survivorship-bias/

I also wanted to find a study on luck I read ages ago. But I am struggling to find it again. Shame, it was pretty relevant I may well be about to convey it badly. Loosely the gist was this. Those who view themselves as unlucky get into a routine of foraging only from one tree so limit their options but also avoid the discomfort of risk. Those who viewed themselves as lucky, would forage from many trees and disregarded the empty trees. Instead, simply going to another despite the risk. They barely registered the empty trees as they had already gone to the next.

You might also want to ask yourself what is so important about lasting recognition? Is it adulation in the now you want? Or to leave a legacy? Fix problems? All of the above?

I mean I used to drive a car, but I don't know anything about all the people who made that possible for me, but I certainly appreciated having a car. If you did create something and were barely recognised for it, but saw how it was appreciated would that be enough for you?

What is the barrier in your way to meeting people? There are plenty of entrepreneurs out there that have their own groups and meetups, busy considering the issues you outlined. Might be worth looking into them? Networking is what improves your odds of success as well. Sadly talent only gets you so far.

My good friend had a nugget of wisdom for me that has stuck long after his passing, "It is better to fail forward than stagnate."

 

[Santiago]

Trial and error.

 

[MourningHeart]

One of my problems is I simply don't have a reason to live, and I hate my life. And every avenue I am looking at for the future, I hate. Like it's nothing I can't do, but I'm asking myself why will I go to work at a job for several decades. I ask myself how am I going to curb my loneliness. And so on.

Like when I was growing up, I wanted to be someone that made a difference. Someone who would do great stuff, and remembered. Like we all know Leonardo Da Vinci, Tesla, Newton, and many of the other greats are. Because the greater the impact someone has had on humanity. They tend to be remembered for a greater period of time.
But over the last decade, I came to the conclusion that much of being like them comes down to luck. It's about knowing the right people, being born in the right family, having the resources to do whatever to start with, or having the support to do whatever. And I don't think I have any of above. The more I researched into it, for every Da Vinci. There is hundreds who didn't make it, and many of them are much more mentally able.
Like for me to make it, I wouldn't only have to figure out several solutions to life long problems. This being making a revolutionary product or some revolutionary discovery. I would need to be in the right place. So if it was a revolutionary discovery, realistically I would need to be with a PHD and working at a major university to get the recognition. And if it's making a revolutionary product, that would mean I would need know the investors that would invest, lawyers to protect the work, and others to help upscale the production. It would also mean on both that I would need the raw resources to figure whatever out, and so on.

And because it's stupid to put all your eggs in 1 basket so to speak (I believe this is why we know about Da Vinci). I looked into philosophy. But anything anyone will remember you for, I don't know of anyone who has made anything outside of ancient Greece. Like there is things like 6 sigma and what not. But, no one is going to remember the person who made that. In fact, I doubt anyone who studies that knows who made it first.

Any case, I mostly gave up. Like I will keep trying until I die. But I have serious doubts I will help humanity in any great way, and in 300+ years it wouldn't matter that I existed.
So my question to you is how do you find your reason to live?

NOTE: I don't have a spouse, and I don't have kids. I live with my parents, but I do have several degrees. I'm high functioning, so living with my parents at this time is my best option. There is pros and cons to this. I'm able to try things and invent things. But the con is, I'm seriously limited in my job prospects. Due to this I work for myself kinda. I make money off of the stock market, off of my 3D printer, some coding, and a few other things. (so note that I'm not sitting around have having a pity party)

I knew my purpose of life -the impulsion to do anything- already early in elementary school. It was a thought, a feeling i just had at some point, it never changed, like a guide or a fate i felt i really really want to follow, dont know why. With it, i love life - without, i hate it. So i always tried to accomplish it, no matter what:

To devote my whole life to the woman i love.

--- Explanation -----------------------------------------------
I cant express it quite well as i know most people just think "thats banal and trivial". But lets look at it like that: for me, its a thought and feeling i have allday, its like a guideline i stick to automatically in almost everything i do, the whole time. It makes me really really happy, even in every small things. It makes me wanna live and endure everything, for whatever sake i wish i could live and devote myself to her to eternal infinity and far beyond! Its the reason to go to work i hate and earn money every day, for decades. Its a 'logical' connection, that makes everything i do somehow being devoted to her at the end. Without it, nothings makes sense anymore, it feels all meaningless, almost empty.

So... Why to go to work? Why being healthy? Why trying to have fun? Why to adapt and improve? Why bother to do anything? That purpose is my reason to go through all of it.

People dont believe me or think its quite sick (they say its most f*cking lovely, they never saw that before and wish for themselves to be cared like that) as they dont do that in the extend i do. Yeah, they have other 'hobbies'. I used to have some, too. But they would never ever suffer or live for that specific person. I feel like alien. Because everyone got something else, normal things that comforts them and makes them happy. But for me, its to comfort another one.
---------------------------------------------------------------

I always felt this way, without pushing me into it, and it had never changed. So my purpose in life magically was in myself the whole time. It may come to or be naturally in you. Its the feeling and thougths that will never go away. I did not had to look for it but because most people seem to have other individual purposes that fulfill them. All i can say is that i had to confirm for myself my purpose is real, its mine. Because others say its not. And they are wrong.

 

[Suilven]

Some important points already raised.

- The importance of meaning, recognition and success. We are held to these ideals from a young age, to aspire for everything we do to have meaning, to be like the successful people you mention, to be widely known for achievements and to shun anything that is just 'alright'. Maybe at some stage this idea had a noble intention, to inspire people or foster role models. However largely this attitude does more harm than good as it morphs into pressure to perform, encourages self criticism and eventully feelings of failure and self loathing. After all, that recognition and success is only ever achievable by a minority (and usually only those with the resources already available as you mention), so it can only ever exclude the majority of people.

And of course this all matters to us deeply because we've been told it matters from a young age, and from everywhere you turn in our society. Sometimes it feels like every breath uttered by anyone says 'you're not good enough'. Peversely the original message often isn't coupled with any of the ideals that can have some meaning, such as kindness, self appreciation, fostering a sense of community and beonging, and so there is no balance.

None of this is your fault, it is a problem with society and the way we are raised.

Consider where the pressure comes from. We are born curious, we play, but I don't think we scorn mediocrity by default, or want to set out to be recognised and change the world. Dissatisfaction comes later when we start to become influenced by ideas that we trust on face value but don't properly question and dissect. How many ideas are ingrained deep within people as a result of nothing other than endless advertising? Now we don't even have to turn on the TV, it's in our faces 24/7.

At some point you have to work out whether these goals you aspire to reach really are your goals. How much does it really matter? Do you think if you achieved everything you wanted to achieve it would change the way you feel? Are you sure? If other people recognise your achievements does this mean they somehow have meaning? Why?

I have found life very difficult as I had very strict but rather naive parents with unreasonable standards and that has become embedded in my psyche. Couple that with an impulse to please everyone and being high functioning and high achieving at school, I have pissed away a lot of of my time chasing things that don't actually mean anything to me. However, change started to happen for me when I realised a number of things; that many people I'd regard as successful or meaningful are in fact utterly miserable and still find no real happiness, meaning or closure. How many prominent people, or even people who seem outwardly to have everything in the world have ended up committing suicide? To me that's a glaring red flag.. things we are told have meaning don't necessarily mean shit. There must be another way?

Try to consider firstly that it's alright to just be alright. And secondly, maybe small things, a single post here such as yours, has much more meaning than you will ever realise.

 

[Final Escape]

I watched lots of Jordan Peterson videos and he said that you should aim at things that give the potential for long term meaning. Basically pursue things that are meaningful to u vs what is expedient. For most people meaning comes from marriage spouse and kids, friendships, satisfying career, community involvement, religious attendance. But basically u should aim for the highest good or the most noble pursuits.

He says to fix your self and your own problems as much as possible so that u can alleviate suffering in the world and help other people. Pick some thing kind of hard to achieve that u really want but not too far out of the realm of possibility so u are not setting yourself up for failure. Most of us are so self absorbed lol! Basically what gives meaning as well is to get outside of yourself and see how u can help other people in some way.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I don't. Ever since I got sick 14 years ago with Complex regional pain syndrome I have no purpose. There is literally no reason for me to be here. I am trying to get the courage to end it but it's hard. I don't want to die and I don't want to live and there's nothing in between.

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

I don't find purpose in my life because it has no purpose never has done never will.

 

[MissNietzsche]

I watched lots of Jordan Peterson videos and he said that you should aim at things that give the potential for long term meaning. Basically pursue things that are meaningful to u vs what is expedient. For most people meaning comes from marriage spouse and kids, friendships, satisfying career, community involvement, religious attendance. But basically u should aim for the highest good or the most noble pursuits.

He says to fix your self and your own problems as much as possible so that u can alleviate suffering in the world and help other people. Pick some thing kind of hard to achieve that u really want but not too far out of the realm of possibility so u are not setting yourself up for failure. Most of us are so self absorbed lol! Basically what gives meaning as well is to get outside of yourself and see how u can help other people in some way.

I love JP

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I have no purpose I'm just trying to get by until summer.

 

[jgm63]

I suggest you start to live the spiritual life, by following the spiritual teaching of Barry Long.
You could make a start with :

Spoiler: HOW TO STOP THINKING

 

[Sensei]

One way of finding purpose is to work in the public sector as e.g. a nurse, firefighter, teacher, or police officer. Then it's not just about making money, but about helping others. I'm a teacher and life almost never feels pointless when I'm at work. It makes me feel good to help young people. When I'm on my own in my spare time life feels completely pointless, though. In any case, I can't base my life on my job. That's not a real life.

 

[Moonicide]

One of the main reasons why I've lived up until now is because of others, along with art and love. Love is a really hard thing to say goodbye to, but I'm ready to walk out that door.

 

[RestingGirl23]

OP, first of all I want you to know that you are not the only one who feels like this. I am a very competitive person by default and I grew up thinking I was going to be this genius rich person with job offers from many companies by the time I finished college. Graduating from high school I realized that I am pretty average compared to anyone else and I made mistakes that shaped me into the person I am today. I still struggle through this day thinking what's the purpose in life if I am not the best at something? What's the point in living if you are only going to live an average life waiting till you die? I don't have the answers to these question. But I will repeat some things that others before have very wonderfully explained:

1. Yes, not everyone in life will do something great that will impact the whole world. For every Davinci, there was thousands of other people who died without doing anything significant. Does that mean that their lives were not "worth it"? I believe it is not anyone else's place to say so. Only you can decide that for yourself.

2. There is a beauty in simplicity. I believe technology has had some part in making suicide/ depression worse the more we hang around it. Think about it. We have all this information that makes depressed because we have the knowledge that someone else is doing revolutionary things compared to us. Even on social media, we all have that person who is always traveling, taking vacations and generally looks like they're having a good time. I find that disconnecting from the internet helps calm me personally. Go outside, touch the trees, feel the soil in your hands. Be aware of your surroundings. See the color of the sky and see the beauty in the world.

3. Going with the above example, simply being there with people who care about you or if you have a dog will help give your life meaning. Sometimes its hard to see that people appreciate us. A small conversation maybe didn't mean a lot to you, but maybe it did to another person. Maybe you gave a small compliment to a stranger, and it made their day. I know I make my dog very happy whenever I come home. Small things like that can help give your life meaning.

Finally, your purpose in life may take a while to come to you. Other people are lucky and they find a purpose early on. Others sometimes don't and that's why we end up here. Regardless of your circumstances, I hope that you will find your answer soon.