Help How do you even approach making friends?

[callofthevoid_]

I was never good at making friends, somehow I always find myself being the outsider in every situation. I believed that it was my low self esteem convincing me that I'm unwanted, but when i look at it unbiasedly, I see that people truly avoid me like the plague. I try to be as nice as i can, but again, I always unintentionally come off as provocative, off putting, and unfriendly. And it's not something i only struggle with in real life i also can't make any connections with people online. I realize that it's a personality flaw but I'm very lonely and desperate. I just can't understand what are the steps i have to take? What am I doing wrong? How do other people even become friends??

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Honestly I relate to your story and situation deeply,if you ever wanna try and make a friend i'm happy to be there for you too ya'know? I could do with some friends myself tbh

 

[lost_ange2211]

I can relate especially about the real life part. I have some online friends I made through gaming years ago when I was doing better. But nowadays it's hard for me too but I also think people have changed, society has changed and most friends at least from my experience can't handle mental sick people with suicidal thoughts or failed attempts. I lost a good and the last best irl friend that way they couldn't handle knowing about my failed attempt and started ghosting me.

It feels hard to get to know people you trust with the burden of a mental illness.

Although I have some ideas of how you could find friends: think about hobbies , what you like to do. Then try to find clubs, groups who like the same stuff or take part in the same activity /hobbies. It's a long process but you get to know more people, talk to others and maybe find out that there is more you have in common and you decide to do other stuff from the club or whatever single hobbie you originally took part in. Idk if that makes any sense.. just find like minded individuals, talk to them and see what happens I guess.

 

[set0553]

Same here honestly.. always had trouble making friends anywhere, and the times I did, I had trouble keeping them.. but you've got a friend here in me if you need or want one, for all its worth anyway.

 

[sorararara]

i'm a little bit late to this post, i hope you don't mind!!

a bit of lore from my life: i've been very lonely for the majority of my life. i had friends during elementary school, but they all went to different middle schools, so i was alone. i had no serious friends (+ was bullied) throughout my first year of middle school, so i began homeschooling. after that, i had no friends whatsoever... not even acquaintances. i would go months without even interacting with other people (except my family, of course.) i was very desperate and so isolated during that time, i literally began friendships with people who were terrible to me (toxic people, groomers who were like 3x my age, etc...) all because i just wanted someone to INTERACT with. i just needed another human to say something to. dealing with those people left me so drained, i felt more lonely than ever. i'm still dealing with the pain that i've received from those relationships.

sorry if that story seems a bit pointless, it's supposed to be somewhat motivational. i just wanted to show you that i understand the place you're in right now.

but as for tips or advice... literally just reaching out to others has done the most for me. try a simple "hi, how are you?" or pointing out something that you may have in common with them!
it was terrifying to reach out to other people after being alone for so long, but it worked.
good luck to you, friend! you got this!! ^^

 

[dragonofenvy]

I don't know how to go about it either. I've tried in the past but never got anywhere. I was ostracized for the first 12 years of my life since I was in special education so I never got to learn social skills (being autistic didn't help). In middle and high school I would speak a single-digit number of words to people per week. All I had was a small group I talked to online because we played a couple of games together, but even that was very fleeting. I still talk to them today, but I maybe only get 3 discord messages per week from them, and here and there hop in a call to play some video game with the one or two people who still want to.

Eventually, I just gave up. I stopped trying to say hi, I stopped trying to make small talk with classmates during work time. I just kept to myself. Somehow, and I don't know what happened, after giving up I made my first and last friends when I was 18. I was taking very difficult college-level courses as part of my last year of high school, and I guess because we shared a common goal of wanting to pass the classes we often grouped up together, and eventually I was invited to study sessions at one of their homes where we'd also play games too. To make friends you need proximity and some kind of common cause. Proximity isn't too hard, but the common cause is. When you don't have experience, it's almost impossible. I like you, don't know where to even begin.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Making friends has always been difficult for me too. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely because of this. I think a lot of people just want to be around "happy" outgoing people because they don't want to think about the reality of life. If you want to appeal to these people you could just fake being happy. but that might not end up in genuine connection. You could also talk about shared hobbies. That's the only way I can make friends. I like your scara pfp btw!

 

[callofthevoid_]

i'm a little bit late to this post, i hope you don't mind!!

a bit of lore from my life: i've been very lonely for the majority of my life. i had friends during elementary school, but they all went to different middle schools, so i was alone. i had no serious friends (+ was bullied) throughout my first year of middle school, so i began homeschooling. after that, i had no friends whatsoever... not even acquaintances. i would go months without even interacting with other people (except my family, of course.) i was very desperate and so isolated during that time, i literally began friendships with people who were terrible to me (toxic people, groomers who were like 3x my age, etc...) all because i just wanted someone to INTERACT with. i just needed another human to say something to. dealing with those people left me so drained, i felt more lonely than ever. i'm still dealing with the pain that i've received from those relationships.

sorry if that story seems a bit pointless, it's supposed to be somewhat motivational. i just wanted to show you that i understand the place you're in right now.

but as for tips or advice... literally just reaching out to others has done the most for me. try a simple "hi, how are you?" or pointing out something that you may have in common with them!
it was terrifying to reach out to other people after being alone for so long, but it worked.
good luck to you, friend! you got this!! ^^

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Thank you <3

Making friends has always been difficult for me too. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely because of this. I think a lot of people just want to be around "happy" outgoing people because they don't want to think about the reality of life. If you want to appeal to these people you could just fake being happy. but that might not end up in genuine connection. You could also talk about shared hobbies. That's the only way I can make friends. I like your scara pfp btw!

I understand that tbh. Thank you!

 

[Monique696]

I would love to find some friends to game or talk to online. Especially voice calls are missing from my life since I've spent a longer time in the clinic and lost contact to all due to a psychosis / cptsd.
I'm 33 f married and from Germany.
Besides my husband I have 0 social contact

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Friends are not always friends. You can be "friend" with many people but it's important that your friends are there for you when you need them and you should be there for them when they need you - that happens rarely.

Idk how it it actually happens to become good friends and very good friends. It's a long process (with ups and downs). That can take years but there's no age restriction imo.

I'm sorry you feel lonely bc of not having any friends.

I would say the very first steps would be to share some interest you could talk about together, the rest will follow eventually.

 

[callofthevoid_]

Same here honestly.. always had trouble making friends anywhere, and the times I did, I had trouble keeping them.. but you've got a friend here in me if you need or want one, for all its worth anyway.

Thank you <3

I can relate especially about the real life part. I have some online friends I made through gaming years ago when I was doing better. But nowadays it's hard for me too but I also think people have changed, society has changed and most friends at least from my experience can't handle mental sick people with suicidal thoughts or failed attempts. I lost a good and the last best irl friend that way they couldn't handle knowing about my failed attempt and started ghosting me.

It feels hard to get to know people you trust with the burden of a mental illness.

Although I have some ideas of how you could find friends: think about hobbies , what you like to do. Then try to find clubs, groups who like the same stuff or take part in the same activity /hobbies. It's a long process but you get to know more people, talk to others and maybe find out that there is more you have in common and you decide to do other stuff from the club or whatever single hobbie you originally took part in. Idk if that makes any sense.. just find like minded individuals, talk to them and see what happens I guess.

I wouldn't blame them, I'm also very self conscious about bringing others down with my shit. Thanks for the advice!

Honestly I relate to your story and situation deeply,if you ever wanna try and make a friend i'm happy to be there for you too ya'know? I could do with some friends myself tbh

Thats very sweet of you ty <33

 

[neverLoved]

For some it's such a natural process, they make them without even putting effort in to it. For others you have to make a whole plan beforehand.

I always managed to get along with most people, but never managed to make any meaningful friends. While always craving it, it just didn't happen.

How did I meet anyone? By literally saying hi and starting up a conversation. When I started uni for example I just walked in and saw that someone had a free spot, asked if I can sit there and that was it and now made a friend who I somewhat regularly talk to and go to the gym with. Unfortunately I barely leave my house now and the friendship which was 'developing' I am destroying instead.

I am probably fortunate in that regard that I an still in the phase of life where it is still somewhat 'easy' to meet people. Guess the older you get the harder it becomes.