How do you deal with loved ones?

[fbegx]

I know CTB can sometimes be perceived as selfish. There are cases where it is, and there are where it's not. But for those who are not CTBing because of an abusive family (in terms of blood-related ones, not partners), how do you deal with loved ones? Like it pains me to know that all those my parents sacrificed to make me here will come to waste.

 

[Sunshine]

It is extremely traumatizing to loved ones. There is no way around it. Just take one look at this place:

Reddit - Dive into anything

www.reddit.com

Personally I try to wait as long as possible so everyone is getting older, so they don't need to spend most of their life with this level of pain.
But for anyone who can't wait due to the pain, maybe leaving indepth letters and heartfelt explanations will soothe the pain a little bit...

 

[divinemistress36]

It's heartbreaking but one can't continue to live on for others when always in such pain for years

 

[FuneralCry]

No, procreation is what is selfish instead. There's literally nothing more selfish than imposing decades of meaningless suffering onto someone else, in my case I certainly never would have chosen to exist and I wish I never existed more than anything.

Suicide is a human right, if people are so against death then why do they bring life here in the first place they are the ones causing others to die and we are all just going to die anyway. It's disgusting how people procreate and want to force those they brought here to suffer for decades on end, calling them "selfish" if they want to leave when they are the selfish ones instead.

 

[wisteria3]

I agree, there's no way to get around the fact that you will be hurting loves ones. I think emphasizing in your note that this wasn't an impulsive decision, and you really thought it through. Maybe fully explain your thought process so that they can understand. Let them know there wasn't anything anyone could do to stop you, and maybe they can take some comfort knowing you were in pain for a while and now that is over. Just like if a child had a terminal physical illness, parents might feel some relief when their child is finally free of suffering. Also, that at least they had several years of good memories to be grateful for even if those memories had to come to an end. I don't really know, I guess there are no words to fully comfort them, but we can do our best.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

Suicide is a human right, if people are so against death then why do they bring life here in the first place they are the ones causing others to die and we are all just going to die anyway. It's disgusting how people procreate and want to force those they brought here to suffer for decades on end, calling them "selfish" if they want to leave when they are the selfish ones instead.

Suicide is the least selfish thing you can do. You are perpetually suffering and constanting living for others while in pain. When you finally find the courage to relase yourself from the pain, its selfless to choose a end to the pain instead of living in pain for others. They brought you into this world selfishly and it is their lack of humanity that forces you to want to stick around without considering your pain. They can grow, knowing you are at peace.

 

[LaughingGoat]

It is the singular worst thing most parents can experience. Like you, had a great parent so I can't justify causing them that suffering. The only point I don't share is worrying about what they sacrificed since it was their actions that caused me to exist (don't resent them for that, it's just a fact).

 

[fbegx]

No, procreation is what is selfish instead. There's literally nothing more selfish than imposing decades of meaningless suffering onto someone else, in my case I certainly never would have chosen to exist and I wish I never existed more than anything.

Suicide is a human right, if people are so against death then why do they bring life here in the first place they are the ones causing others to die and we are all just going to die anyway. It's disgusting how people procreate and want to force those they brought here to suffer for decades on end, calling them "selfish" if they want to leave when they are the selfish ones instead.

I understand. Personally I don't agree with the view of calling it "selfish", as it takes a lot of consideration and courage, but I understand where it's coming from. It's just that I can imagine the devastation it will cause since I truly do love my family as well. I'll take the tips of easing it with notes and hopefully that will help it out a bit. It's my first post here but I'm rlyy glad of the help, thanks everyone!

 

[escape_from_hell]

It is extremely traumatizing to loved ones. There is no way around it. Just take one look at this place:

Reddit - Dive into anything

www.reddit.com

Personally I try to wait as long as possible so everyone is getting older, so they don't need to spend most of their life with this level of pain.
But for anyone who can't wait due to the pain, maybe leaving indepth letters and heartfelt explanations will soothe the pain a little bit...

It feels fucked up but it's very depressing to know there is nobody that will give half a fuck about me like these people feeling great loss on that subreddit.
It is supposed to feel liberating though.

 

[BrokeN__lil’__girl]

My parents were never abusive but they don't care I'm not happy so why should I be bothered…

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i don't have loved ones so there's no problem there

 

[Forever Sleep]

I want to hold on to wait for them to go first. I only really have my Dad to wait for now. I realise not everyone can though. I suppose I've wondered what I'd do if things became utterly intolerable for me. I wondered if I would try to talk to them to try and get them to see it from my point of view and to have time to try and accept it. That may not be a good idea though because- not everyone can and some may go to extreme lengths- like sectioning.

Ultimately though- I think- if you really love someone- then you shouldn't want to see them in pain. I suppose I'd want them to try to acknowledge that there wasn't another way around it and that life really had become intolerable. Sadly, I suspect many of us will only be able to express that in a letter. Seeing as expressing it in real life doesn't always work out so well.

I'm sorry. It's a tough situation to be in. I know what you mean. I feel trapped here effectively. Sometimes, it's tricky not to feel panicked about it but for now, I just try to tell myself to take it one step at a time and promise myself, it won't be forever.

 

[malevolentdiety]

I understand. Personally I don't agree with the view of calling it "selfish", as it takes a lot of consideration and courage, but I understand where it's coming from. It's just that I can imagine the devastation it will cause since I truly do love my family as well. I'll take the tips of easing it with notes and hopefully that will help it out a bit. It's my first post here but I'm rlyy glad of the help, thanks everyone!

It feels fucked up but it's very depressing to know there is nobody that will give half a fuck about me like these people feeling great loss on that subreddit.
It is supposed to feel liberating though.

Your lucky that you don't have that.to worry about

 

[deadtomorrow]

cant care if im dead

 

[__noknok]

It sucks but a common argument is that it's equally if not more selfish to advocate for someone to prolong their suffering just to keep their feelings from being hurt. imo the absolute only exception to this is if you have dependents like young children.

 

[ASp4E]

Since these loved ones are anti-choice, that significantly diminishes any empathy I'd possibly have towards them. So I don't truly care about whatever suffering they would go through, if they would even go through any, since they equally don't care about any I'd have to go through during my entire remaining life. And said lifelong suffering would likely be greater for obvious reasons, at the very least because many of these loved ones would probably die before me.

 

[abchia]

one of my problems is i don't want my younger sibling to have to live without me. the world is mean, and i see myself in them. how they internalize, and criticize themselves already at a young age. after i'm gone, who knows what they'll go through. i'm afraid i'd just be passing my pain onto them. everyone else in my family i don't feel bad about though.