How do you deal with knowing you loved ones will be crushed after you ctb?

[oooobeeeeii]

I am talking about friend/family/partners. Like, the only ones that Im rly sad about leaving is my family. Not because they are perfect, but Ik that deep down they care and as my life is over their will be too.

 

[Unending]

I'm not dealing with it well and as a result I'm stuck here longer. Sorry that you're in a situation like this, I know it's horrible feeling so guilty over wanting to escape the pain.

 

[kafkasfemcel]

i'm not sure, it's part of the reason why i'm waiting - my younger sister has exams soon, so i'm waiting until after she's finished them to consider doing anything.

 

[nosoul]

I hope they will understand that my mental illness got the best of me. I'm worried about who can take care of my dogs, additionally I'm stuck in a hotel so no where to go and my things are scattered at the apt I got kicked out of and the tiny room I'm staying in.

I don't have a peaceful option I fear, just move out into a less busy motel and hang myself, feeling so down, I love my dogs sticking around for them

I don't know what to do. Everyday is sleep and food deprivation and no emotions. I can't go on like this but no easy way out.

 

[LateForTheBus]

I have guilt over it. Not enough to make me stay, as I've stayed for others long enough. But I'm definitely feeling badly about the pain I'm going to cause. I told my best friend Saturday night, and we just cried on the phone together. It sucks.

 

[Darkover]

i don't care they were and still are terrible human beings i wish i was never born it would of been better to of never exspreinced this horrible lifetime

 

[Noise]

I don't. Frankly, I never cared in the first place. I don't have any friends, and only a few immediate family members will sincerely mourn my passing. I feel immense resentment for having been brought here in the first place and have no issue inflicting that same pain by throwing away the sanctified so-called "gift of life".

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact is that grief and loss are just an inevitable part of life, nobody is obligated to continue existing just because some people decided to selfishly procreate. Whatever happens in this world after I cease existing could never be my concern as I simply won't be there at that point and after all we all have to die and lose everything someday, as humans eventually we very likely won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here.

 

[outrider567]

Don't have any loved ones left, just a stepmother

 

[killmeiwannadie]

well my friends and relatives want to live. they want to keep trying despite it all. I dont. I also have beliefs about death that help me cope. there's a few that it makes me really sad to think about, but then I weigh it against living for the sole purpose of not crushing them, i become really unhappy with having to live my individual life for others. i don't want to hurt them, but living feels like im trapped and like hell for me. my nieces and a couple younger cousins of mine were keeping me going but my life continued to fall to pieces. i kept getting worse as did my life. its not realistic that i can hold on for them. i love them so much and i hope they know that, but my whole being has switched off and i can't just live for them. i just can't.

 

[N33dT0D13]

I have none, as a natural result of being too needy no less.

 

[orca87]

If they cared, they would see that there was no hope.

I have found this site (in Dutch):

In liefde laten gaan – Stichting voor ouders van een kind dat binnenkort euthanasie krijgt of al heeft gekregen op basis van een psychische aandoening.

www.inliefdelatengaan.nl

Its a self help group for parents of teenagers(!!!) having received euthanasia for mental illness. Guess how hard that must be. Taking your own child to its grave. And yet, their groups literal translation is "letting go in love".

Show that to people who accuse you of being selfish if you ctb. Isn't it more selfish to see someone suffering?

 

[oooobeeeeii]

If they cared, they would see that there was no hope.

I have found this site (in Dutch):

In liefde laten gaan – Stichting voor ouders van een kind dat binnenkort euthanasie krijgt of al heeft gekregen op basis van een psychische aandoening.

www.inliefdelatengaan.nl

Its a self help group for parents of teenagers(!!!) having received euthanasia for mental illness. Guess how hard that must be. Taking your own child to its grave. And yet, their groups literal translation is "letting go in love".

Show that to people who accuse you of being selfish if you ctb. Isn't it more selfish to see someone suffering?

Love this

 

[funeralcat]

I just ignore that fact.
People in my chruch will also feel bad

 

[vaguebluur]

They won't give a fuck so I'm cool

 

[TimetoGo!]

I am talking about friend/family/partners. Like, the only ones that Im rly sad about leaving is my family. Not because they are perfect, but Ik that deep down they care and as my life is over their will be too.

literally the only reason I am alive right now......on suicide watch but them telling me how I cant give up and must battle on etc.......it will massively impact their lives

 

[LittleJem]

Jeez. I have been depressed for years and telling them I don't want to suffer anymore. I have tried to prepare them..so definitely no-one will be surprised but I still feel it will affect my nieces and family. I hate it. I don't know - in some ways it will have to get bad enough that nothing else will matter to me but CTB. I have maybe one more med to try but I hate this all so much. I wake up hating my life every day and no motivation. I don't know what to do.

My f^^king mother will be a nightmare. She will blame everyone but herself. She actually said to my brother that I must be good at homelessness because I did my DofE award that involved camping. She is a heartbreaking fucking nightmare. She will be a nightmare for everyone else. That is even though she has not looked after me for even one day of my worsening mental illness. Everyone else will grieve/be affected then they will have to deal with the fact that she is a fucking nightmare.

`on that note, I must go out and buy a cannabis pipe in case I can get a little relief from weed tonight.

 

[hungry_ghost]

My dad wouldn't give a fuck, but would attempt to milk my death for sympathy and attention.

My older siblings would understand and be sad about it, but they have decent lives and me not existing isn't going to impact their success/goals.

I'd only feel bad for my younger step-brother who once saw me as a parental figure.

Even though he's a little shit now, I still wouldn't want him dealing with the trauma of losing a relative to suicide.

 

[LittleJem]

My mother will do that too! It will be all about her.

 

[CentreMid]

I am talking about friend/family/partners. Like, the only ones that Im rly sad about leaving is my family. Not because they are perfect, but Ik that deep down they care and as my life is over their will be too.

For me, suicide is an act of love and selflessness towards my partner. I am setting her free from me. Yes, she will grieve, and as much as I want to make things as painless as possible for her when I go, I know that there are people out there who will do a better job at loving her and being the partner she truly deserves.

As for my family, they don't care about me, so why should I even consider them?

 

[Duochrome-Seahorse]

only my brother would feel actual anguish of my loss but i honestly don't care for anyone else in my family. everyone will eventually die off and they're aware that I've been suffering for many years. It's just now they don't have to play the waiting game of whether or not I will kms. I used to feel bad but honestly I'm a disappointment for both my parents despite being an accident.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I always remember "I am the one who is suffering and not them"

 

[Sparx]

My mum is dead, my sister & oldest brother don't talk to me anymore (partly my own fault). Two other brothers do but I see them rarely.

The only one I really care about is my dad. He's only getting to enjoy his retirement now my mum is gone (he was her carer) & it's probably going to ruin his remaining years. But I'm in pain & need a way out.