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How do you deal with feeling irrelevant as you get older?
Thread starterWeebster
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Being in public is more depressing than the depression I feel at home. No one knows me and I don't know them. Society is structured in such a way that there are only niche areas where you can meet people.
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SVEN, AnestheticVoid, OpheliasFlowers and 10 others
I think this is the reason forming a family has traditionally been important. U have no family and u have higher risk of end up without support and connection in your older years. But especially these days with internet and the phones being necessary now. It hurts in real life connection. The Covid thing has worsened the breakdown in social fabric.
Reactions:
jakaranda3, OpheliasFlowers, Sunset Limited and 5 others
I think this is the reason forming a family has traditionally been important. U have no family and u have higher risk of end up without support and connection in your older years. But especially these days with internet and the phones being necessary now. It hurts in real life connection. The Covid thing has worsened the breakdown in social fabric.
I'm still trying to figure this out. My kids are grown and out of the house. My husband works but I don't. I have no friends. I feel pretty useless and insignificant.
Reactions:
OpheliasFlowers, ClownMe, lobster salad and 2 others
I suppose I've just learned to accept it. We are irrelevant. Two hundred years from now nobody will know we even existed, except perhaps the occasional genealogist. An insignificant proportion of us is remembered by history. You either have to be very good, or very bad, to be remembered even 50 years after your death. I'd recommend trying to be very good, in the hope that the goodness spreads and humanity improves
Reactions:
OpheliasFlowers, Muppets, Weebster and 2 others
I suppose I've just learned to accept it. We are irrelevant. Two hundred years from now nobody will know we even existed, except perhaps the occasional genealogist. An insignificant proportion of us is remembered by history. You either have to be very good, or very bad, to be remembered even 50 years after your death. I'd recommend trying to be very good, in the hope that the goodness spreads and humanity improves
I will be 60 this year and I can certainly empathise.
For some reason I looked up an old school acquaintance online yesterday. I don't why, he wasn't really a friend just a guy in my class.
Anyway, it seems he joined the British army after school and served 6 years. After that he became a firefighter where he still serves I believe. A few years ago he was awarded an MBE (that's part of the UK honours system) for his services supporting abused children. Whilst having 4 children of his own he has fostered a further 25 kids from broken homes and is the chair of several children's charities.
He has spent his whole adult life serving his country and devoting his life to helping others.
What have I achieved? Absolutely nothing. I have no family, no friends, my marriage failed, no kids, nothing. Its a struggle to keep going. Not sure how much more I can take.
Reactions:
deep blue ocean, OpheliasFlowers, Sunset Limited and 3 others
I will be 60 this year and I can certainly empathise.
For some reason I looked up an old school acquaintance online yesterday. I don't why, he wasn't really a friend just a guy in my class.
Anyway, it seems he joined the British army after school and served 6 years. After that he became a firefighter where he still serves I believe. A few years ago he was awarded an MBE (that's part of the UK honours system) for his services supporting abused children. Whilst having 4 children of his own he has fostered a further 25 kids from broken homes and is the chair of several children's charities.
He has spent his whole adult life serving his country and devoting his life to helping others.
What have I achieved? Absolutely nothing. I have no family, no friends, my marriage failed, no kids, nothing. Its a struggle to keep going. Not sure how much more I can take.
I will be 60 this year and I can certainly empathise.
For some reason I looked up an old school acquaintance online yesterday. I don't why, he wasn't really a friend just a guy in my class.
Anyway, it seems he joined the British army after school and served 6 years. After that he became a firefighter where he still serves I believe. A few years ago he was awarded an MBE (that's part of the UK honours system) for his services supporting abused children. Whilst having 4 children of his own he has fostered a further 25 kids from broken homes and is the chair of several children's charities.
He has spent his whole adult life serving his country and devoting his life to helping others.
What have I achieved? Absolutely nothing. I have no family, no friends, my marriage failed, no kids, nothing. Its a struggle to keep going. Not sure how much more I can take.
I remember so long ago reading about a study. I think about it from time to time. There had been a researcher who wondered why some adult survivors of CSA went on to have somewhat normal lives while most others suffered miserably and still others who barely managed to keep breathing. So he did a study, and asked thousands of people some questions, then correlated the answers. Come to find out, the people who had somewhat of a normal life all had one thing in common. As children while going though the abusive situation, they had at least one person who understood and sympathized. Someone to act as a positive role model. That's all it took to make the difference. Just one person to act as external validation. It gave them the confidence to persevere.
And of course contrast that with the rest, who not only had no one but for some of them, everywhere they turned they had people (some of whom who were also abusive) who were gaslighting, them, manipulating them into pretending that the abusive situation wasn't abusive. That's enough to make anybody permanently crazy and set you up for a lifetime of pain and depression.
I guess what I'm trying to say is.... we just don't know what kind of early life he experienced and who he had for role models, compared to ours, so it's not fair to make comparisons regarding our later lives. But I get it, I make those comparisons too about my own life, comparing myself to someone else, when I really shouldn't. It's only when I see someone else doing it and I wanted to offer a little comfort to you if I could, that made me realize hey wait a minute... Let's think through that again. So thanks for that Midian, I hope you find some peace.
Reactions:
LittleJem, Spiritual survivor, OpheliasFlowers and 4 others
I want to be irrelevant, personally. The truth is that our lives are so meaningless and our lives do not really matter. Eventually we will die and all our problems and suffering will die with us. Life is just a pointless, temporary experience. It does not mean anything and there is no point to living. I really hope that I never reach an old age, at 21, I have had enough. It sounds so depressing suffering for many more decades.
Reactions:
OpheliasFlowers, orange and Sprite_Geist
I suppose I've just learned to accept it. We are irrelevant. Two hundred years from now nobody will know we even existed, except perhaps the occasional genealogist. An insignificant proportion of us is remembered by history. You either have to be very good, or very bad, to be remembered even 50 years after your death. I'd recommend trying to be very good, in the hope that the goodness spreads and humanity improves
It doesn't follow that we are relevant only if we are remembered by strangers hundreds of years from now. I mean, we can all be relevant now to the people alive now/communities where we live.
Modern society makes it too easy to be disconnected from what is happening around us. Want meaning? Engage yourself in what is going on nearby.
It doesn't follow that we are relevant only if we are remembered by strangers hundreds of years from now. I mean, we can all be relevant now to the people alive now/communities where we live.
Modern society makes it too easy to be disconnected from what is happening around us. Want meaning? Engage yourself in what is going on nearby.
Relevance is relative, isn't it? I was obviously referring to our relevance in the "grand scheme of things". Most of us get wrapped-up in ourselves at times, locating our own experience somewhere around the centre of the universe. It does us well to take stock of the reality: we are but an insignificant speck in the space-time continuum; an irrelevance in the vastness of the universe. Nothing we do really matters.
Of course, I'm with you, we can give our life meaning in the here and now, by making ourselves relevant to those around us. There doesn't seem to be a better way of passing the time until death. But, not everybody is capable. Suffering can have devastating consequences.
Relevance is relative, isn't it? I was obviously referring to our relevance in the "grand scheme of things". Most of us get wrapped-up in ourselves at times, locating our own experience somewhere around the centre of the universe. It does us well to take stock of the reality: we are but an insignificant speck in the space-time continuum; an irrelevance in the vastness of the universe. Nothing we do really matters.
Of course, I'm with you, we can give our life meaning in the here and now, by making ourselves relevant to those around us. There doesn't seem to be a better way of passing the time until death. But, not everybody is capable. Suffering can have devastating consequences.
The point about relative relevance (tongue twister) cuts both ways.
Why should any of us expect to be relevant on cosmic scales? I don't even think "hubris" would fairly capture such an expectation.
And why is being relevant to even one other person, even in a small way, irrelevant? It could be tremendous relevance to that other person.
I would submit that many of the despairing posts you see on here about our insignificance are grounded in the perspective of seeing ourselves as the center of it all, or rather despairing at the realization that that is not the case.
I do what my parents did and yell about how I don't understand what the kids these days are into while still holding onto all the things I cherished as a child or teen.
Reactions:
Ready2GoNow2022, OpheliasFlowers, unraveling and 1 other person
I do what my parents did and yell about how I don't understand what the kids these days are into while still holding onto all the things I cherished as a child or teen.
I'm still trying to figure this out. My kids are grown and out of the house. My husband works but I don't. I have no friends. I feel pretty useless and insignificant.
The real problem is the breakdown of community. Once they invented the television, people stopped engaging with their community. That was just one of the many ways it began. Many people also have not been taught why they are here, what the true purpose of their life is. We have a greater purpose than to be self involved with our own pursuits.
The real problem is the breakdown of community. Once they invented the television, people stopped engaging with their community. That was just one of the many ways it began. Many people also have not been taught why they are here, what the true purpose of their life is. We have a greater purpose than to be self involved with our own pursuits.
I had purpose at one time. I had a career that I loved but due to a terrible accident I can no longer work. After not being able to work my co-workers/ friends just kind of disappeared. My kids no longer need me which is fine. They're adults. But it just sucks being so lonely all the time.
I will be 60 this year and I can certainly empathise.
For some reason I looked up an old school acquaintance online yesterday. I don't why, he wasn't really a friend just a guy in my class.
Anyway, it seems he joined the British army after school and served 6 years. After that he became a firefighter where he still serves I believe. A few years ago he was awarded an MBE (that's part of the UK honours system) for his services supporting abused children. Whilst having 4 children of his own he has fostered a further 25 kids from broken homes and is the chair of several children's charities.
He has spent his whole adult life serving his country and devoting his life to helping others.
What have I achieved? Absolutely nothing. I have no family, no friends, my marriage failed, no kids, nothing. Its a struggle to keep going. Not sure how much more I can take.
I had purpose at one time. I had a career that I loved but due to a terrible accident I can no longer work. After not being able to work my co-workers/ friends just kind of disappeared. My kids no longer need me which is fine. They're adults. But it just sucks being so lonely all the time.
It's as if I wrote the words myself, exactly how I feel! I'm still working though but applied for so many jobs the past months and not even getting interviews is disheartening, i assume it's because I'm just too old for my career now.
I remember so long ago reading about a study. I think about it from time to time. There had been a researcher who wondered why some adult survivors of CSA went on to have somewhat normal lives while most others suffered miserably and still others who barely managed to keep breathing. So he did a study, and asked thousands of people some questions, then correlated the answers. Come to find out, the people who had somewhat of a normal life all had one thing in common. As children while going though the abusive situation, they had at least one person who understood and sympathized. Someone to act as a positive role model. That's all it took to make the difference. Just one person to act as external validation. It gave them the confidence to persevere.
And of course contrast that with the rest, who not only had no one but for some of them, everywhere they turned they had people (some of whom who were also abusive) who were gaslighting, them, manipulating them into pretending that the abusive situation wasn't abusive. That's enough to make anybody permanently crazy and set you up for a lifetime of pain and depression.
I guess what I'm trying to say is.... we just don't know what kind of early life he experienced and who he had for role models, compared to ours, so it's not fair to make comparisons regarding our later lives. But I get it, I make those comparisons too about my own life, comparing myself to someone else, when I really shouldn't. It's only when I see someone else doing it and I wanted to offer a little comfort to you if I could, that made me realize hey wait a minute... Let's think through that again. So thanks for that Midian, I hope you find some peace.
Yes, of course you are correct. It never does any good comparing oneself to another but I think it's part of human nature. Furthermore, one can't argue with the facts that this chap has achieved far more than I have whatever the reasons.
I've become sort of a misanthrope. I understand what you mean, though. As I get older, I realize that I have no place in this world. I never did, honestly. Plus, I'm all alone. My health is failing. I've never really 'humaned' well. However, now I feel so invisible. I guess I don't mind it so much, because people seem to have devolved to a very great degree since the dawn of the post-COVID age. The world just seems to be a lot more miserable. The pandemic restrictions really brought out the savage nature of people and how quickly humans will resort to base behavior. I mean, socializing was pretty hollow and pointless when times were not as bad. Now, it's just a douchebag's world. I don't mind anymore, though. I look forward to getting back to my apartment at the end of the day, so I don't have to deal with people. I'm content with my movie nights and dry firing exercises until I ctb. I do understand where you're coming from, though. I can be very depressing and soul crushing to be out amongst the world in today's age.
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