N
nooky
New Member
- Nov 21, 2020
- 4
hello everyone
im just another person who want to ctb, i don't feel this low very often but when i do, it hits hard. i was diagnosed w depression and am currently talking to a therapist and using 20mg of prozac daily, but the fact that im making this post should hint how effective those are lol. i want to go because i really can't live up to the expectations everyone sets for me, im just not cut out for life, im too lazy and unmotivated. the world isnt really that great, i don't have a desire to change or stay in it. in addition, i've done some bad things, and there are traits about me that are bad, so much so that i dont believe i deserve to live because of it. i wish i could give my life to someone who would really want it or use it better. the fact that i want to ctb makes me feel worse because it feels like im throwing away everything everyone in my life gave me. i have friends and family and an SO and im not broke and im going to school and i have a job -- i guess im just so ungrateful even all of that isnt enough to make life appealing for me. well i guess my selfishness is all the more reason to ctb.
i already have SN onhand, and plan to use tums or milk magnesia as an antacid. its too much trouble to try to get antimemetic so ig ill try to go without. i think when im ready, ill take the bus to a hotel somewhere and do it there so i dont risk my family finding me. i'll probably do it in the bathroom and put a note on the door for housecleaning so i dont accidentally traumatize them.
the #1 (probably only) thing that is keeping me from doing it is i cant shake the effect that it will have on my friends and family. i know ill be dead so i wont even experience it but thinking about how i would feel if someone close to me suicides; it just gives me chills and i can't go through. how do you effectively ignore this impact or maybe try to soften it? i don't want to be the reason why my mom will have sleepless nights and things like that...
i just wish i wasnt born in the first place man
im just another person who want to ctb, i don't feel this low very often but when i do, it hits hard. i was diagnosed w depression and am currently talking to a therapist and using 20mg of prozac daily, but the fact that im making this post should hint how effective those are lol. i want to go because i really can't live up to the expectations everyone sets for me, im just not cut out for life, im too lazy and unmotivated. the world isnt really that great, i don't have a desire to change or stay in it. in addition, i've done some bad things, and there are traits about me that are bad, so much so that i dont believe i deserve to live because of it. i wish i could give my life to someone who would really want it or use it better. the fact that i want to ctb makes me feel worse because it feels like im throwing away everything everyone in my life gave me. i have friends and family and an SO and im not broke and im going to school and i have a job -- i guess im just so ungrateful even all of that isnt enough to make life appealing for me. well i guess my selfishness is all the more reason to ctb.
i already have SN onhand, and plan to use tums or milk magnesia as an antacid. its too much trouble to try to get antimemetic so ig ill try to go without. i think when im ready, ill take the bus to a hotel somewhere and do it there so i dont risk my family finding me. i'll probably do it in the bathroom and put a note on the door for housecleaning so i dont accidentally traumatize them.
the #1 (probably only) thing that is keeping me from doing it is i cant shake the effect that it will have on my friends and family. i know ill be dead so i wont even experience it but thinking about how i would feel if someone close to me suicides; it just gives me chills and i can't go through. how do you effectively ignore this impact or maybe try to soften it? i don't want to be the reason why my mom will have sleepless nights and things like that...
i just wish i wasnt born in the first place man