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wastingpotential
drowning, always.
- Feb 8, 2023
- 152
hi. i might delete this at some point because only one person knows about this so far and anybody else who knows me hearing about it makes me have a panic attack just imagining it
3 days ago i had few too many glasses of wine trying to get myself drunk, whole house went to sleep as it was getting late, and after a while of watching a movie on tv, i came to the realisation i was in that moment being sexually assaulted by a step-"relative" of mine. with that i overtime began remembering that this wasn't the first occurrence of it either.
i have not spoken to them since. we live in the same household with other family members but i've been holed up in my bedroom mostly since. they tried saying hello to me the day after and it didn't work out because they very much know i'm aware of what's been happening to me now.
i'm so scared to leave my room. more than ever. i'm scared of eating out of my room. scared of interacting with them or any other family member here.
i wake up everyday now and through my thin fucking walls i can hear them all talking and laughing like nothing has ever happened.
it's even more hilarious when i remember the night it happened i got a text message from them saying they hated themselves so much they wanted to hang themselves over what they did. (my culture is not your costume. eyeroll.)
i can't tell anyone what happened. not yet at least. i don't know. i have no proof either. i hate everything so much and i feel very close to relapsing on everything now over it. sh, ed, etc.
if anyone's ever been through something similar please tell me how to help cope with it. waking up everyday and remembering all of this and still fucking living in this household is gonna be the death of me at this point. i don't feel like i need to plan any methods lol.
3 days ago i had few too many glasses of wine trying to get myself drunk, whole house went to sleep as it was getting late, and after a while of watching a movie on tv, i came to the realisation i was in that moment being sexually assaulted by a step-"relative" of mine. with that i overtime began remembering that this wasn't the first occurrence of it either.
i have not spoken to them since. we live in the same household with other family members but i've been holed up in my bedroom mostly since. they tried saying hello to me the day after and it didn't work out because they very much know i'm aware of what's been happening to me now.
i'm so scared to leave my room. more than ever. i'm scared of eating out of my room. scared of interacting with them or any other family member here.
i wake up everyday now and through my thin fucking walls i can hear them all talking and laughing like nothing has ever happened.
it's even more hilarious when i remember the night it happened i got a text message from them saying they hated themselves so much they wanted to hang themselves over what they did. (my culture is not your costume. eyeroll.)
i can't tell anyone what happened. not yet at least. i don't know. i have no proof either. i hate everything so much and i feel very close to relapsing on everything now over it. sh, ed, etc.
if anyone's ever been through something similar please tell me how to help cope with it. waking up everyday and remembering all of this and still fucking living in this household is gonna be the death of me at this point. i don't feel like i need to plan any methods lol.