How do you communicate with people who communicate poorly?

[Ambivalent1]

I don't mean fumbling words or stuttering. I'm a direct communicator. I hate indirect communicators. They complicate everything by beating around the bush because of their cowardice. It's infuriating. And the passive aggressive who drag out problems and never address them making everyone, including themselves, miserable.

 

[spectraltease]

There are people who only do this because they are not used to it otherwise and people who know nothing.
I think it's important to build trust with the person, then possibly talk about something that the other person likes. After a while, you can talk better and the other person is maybe more communicative.
Hope I could help.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Depends on the situation.

If it's still important to be able to communicate then I try to be proactive. If it's not important then I can probably play the passive aggressive game better than they can.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Depends on the situation.

If it's still important to be able to communicate then I try to be proactive. If it's not important then I can probably play the passive aggressive game better than they can.

How do you play the game better?

 

[Lady Laudanum]

How do you play the game better?

Be even more of a dick than them, basically

 

[Ambivalent1]

Be even more of a dick than them, basically

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm a cowardly person who probably communicates very indirectly most of the time. I would say the only way to get someone like me to communicate better is to be more open yourself and that might give someone like me the incentive to be more direct in return.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd say- be honest and direct with them and say you prefer to speak frankly with people. You don't need things to be sugar coated.

I suspect most people communicate this way out of politeness/ respect/ dislike of confrontation. Either it's going to be a relief to them- that they can finally just say how they feel to someone. Or, they might feel like you're trying to push them into being someone they're not- in which case- you're maybe a poor match for one another.

Not sure though. I kind of feel- if you value someone enough, you put up with some of the ways they express themselves- to an extent anyway. Whether that be them beating around the bush to say something- you can always just outright ask them what they mean. Or- the reverse. It's entirely possible to find someone too outspoken and brash but you put up with it because maybe you realise they aren't actually meaning offense.

 

[soulkitty]

That sounds exactly like me lol I'm a very indirect communicator ;w; I beat around the bush so much. hmmm I guess just try to understand from their perspective it's probably because they are avoidant or afraid of conflict and that could be a reason for their indirect behavior. It's really just another style of communication, and like others said after growing closer to that person, they are more likely to be direct over time

 

[Ambivalent1]

That sounds exactly like me lol I'm a very indirect communicator ;w; I beat around the bush so much. hmmm I guess just try to understand from their perspective it's probably because they are avoidant or afraid of conflict and that could be a reason for their indirect behavior. It's really just another style of communication, and like others said after growing closer to that person, they are more likely to be direct over time

It's frustrating dealing with people who are indirect. Problems are never solved.

 

[Forveleth]

I avoid these people at all costs. Or, I will be very blunt with them if I can't avoid them (like coworkers). I have no problem saying to people "If you're not going to be direct with me, then I'm not going to work with you on solving a problem" or "This isn't going to get better unless you tell me exactly what you're thinking." If they still can't be direct with me after that, then I just do my own thing and oh well, I guess. I'm very good at ignoring or working around people, though.

My partner is very passive aggressive and I will repeat things back to him except I will say the blunt thing and be like, "Is this what you mean?" and then when he says yes, I will tell him "Then just say that next time." He also does this thing where he will preamble discussions with one or two setup questions before he asks me what he actually wants to ask me. So I always tell him, "Ask the real question", which pisses him off to no end, but I've been living with him for 10 years and I'm so tired of his bullshit. Sorry if this isn't really helpful. I just can't stand people like this and I am too tired to put up with them or coddle them or talk to them at all quite frankly.

 

[Saturn_]

From my experience, a lot of people are indirect communicators out of anxiety or a core fear of upsetting the other person through disagreement. Soulkitty seems to fit that mold pretty well. It can stem from past abuse too, but not always. I think the best course of action is to encourage them to be honest and give their opinion, and to be firm, but not aggressive. Your frustration is completely understandable, and I've been frustrated with people like this before, but I think it's important to realize what might be causing it, and to try and be patient. Avoiding them is also a valid option.

People who are outright passive aggressive are a different story altogether, though. Obviously you shouldn't let people step on you like that and you should call them out.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I am also guilty of being rubbish at being direct. It is interesting to try thinking through why/how etc. I agree with a lot of the above - a combination of politeness and being afraid of being wrong and/or confrontation. I really struggle with genuinely having my own opinions - I tend to run with the crowd or sit on the fence. Unless theres clear logic as to why I think something, but I think in confrontation I often freeze and lack confidence so back off super quick and then seem to have learnt not to try expressing much of an opinion as I often get flustered if challenged. Almost feels as if I'm constantly defending a conspiracy theory (even when I know factually I'm right on something - I mess up defending the point and just get shut down/contradicted).

I'm also stereotypically and apologetically English

In terms of communicating with me, I think it really helps if you specify you are a direct communicator and don't want bullshit. It may not help me find my confidence or words, but it will help me be less offended/upset by your confidence and words. I guess getting to know someone also helps here - e.g. knowing pushing me for an answer could make me freeze and lose my words even more. Which then frustrates me if I actually do have something I want to reply but then get totally stuck for words so give up and noone gets anywhere. Typing can be easier for me often.