I've spent years questioning whether I should be here, my childhood was so painful it's consumed me for 34 years. My mum died in front of me at 18, my dads a coward, he lets another woman run his life, she has come between what sacred bond we had. Now I don't feel like I know him anymore. I'm waiting on councilling For grief but I feel it's too late I'm consumed. I've took over 7 overdoses, cut my wrists so bad I was 2mm off an artery but I never made it to peace. I want to be with my mum, I always have, even before she passed I was like this. When does it end and how so u know it's done properly?
I can empathise. Grief is really hard, and never quite goes away. My mum also died in front of me and I will never get that image out of my head.
ive been bullied and abused by whatever family hasn't disowned me or died. My friends have had enough and are slowly backing away. There's so many lies and a person who's pulling all the puppet strings and manipulating everyone. What I'm trying to say without making this all about me is that I get it. While I'm pro choice in these matters, i can't say I know anything about the right time. I also say if there's any way that things could get better it's worth trying. You have nothing to lose and you could be like those other people out there in the world who escaped from the brink of this and are doing great. Anyway whatever you decide you can always pm me if you like. Much love and peace to you.
ive been bullied and abused by whatever family hasn't disowned me or died. My friends have had enough and are slowly backing away. There's so many lies and a person who's pulling all the puppet strings and manipulating everyone. What I'm trying to say without making this all about me is that I get it. While I'm pro choice in these matters, i can't say I know anything about the right time. I also say if there's any way that things could get better it's worth trying. You have nothing to lose and you could be like those other people out there in the world who escaped from the brink of this and are doing great. Anyway whatever you decide you can always pm me if you like. Much love and peace to you.
I feel like I'm always battling the fact I'm not meant to b here. Today I cut myself, but I didn't hesitate at takin a razor to my wrist. It didn't go that far it was blunt but then I burnt 15 fags out on my hand just to feel pain. Too tolerable thou. I guess really the only real pain I feel is emotional.
I don't think people understand that I died that day in 2003 too
I don't think people understand that I died that day in 2003 too
I've always thought that I'll know if I should stay or go deadening on whether someone saves me or not, but I've learnt that you have to choose to save yourself, nobody else will. I've always felt like a mistake, but I don't mean it in a self pitying way. I mean it, logically, and practically. I don't belong anywhere. If that feeling disappears, maybe then I should stay, if not, maybe it's time. I think you just have a feeling,
Look how pathetic this is?
I'm always saved...but it doesn't feel like salvation for me...it's another trip to the hospital and the main issue is...I walk out.
Im sorry, which bit of my comment is pathetic? Sorry, Im confused. Are you calling yourself pathetic? I don't think you are. I think it takes great courage to get up every day and carry on whilst your pain remains invisible to the world.
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Then we all are. The only winners are the dead ones.
Thereisnothing
Enlightened
- Jan 4, 2020
- 1,604
My mum passed in front of me 8 years ago and my dad just before Christmas............I am alone now..............I understand the pain and wishing to be with your mum..................I just want to go to peace myself and be with my parents and other loved ones...............I have hideous health problems which are so hard to cope with, esp now alone in the world....................I wish I knew answer..............I wish to go right now, yet have no method and even if did could I ensure would be result I hoped.
Th
i feel like no one sees anything other than my smile but the truth is deep down I'm hurting more than anyone could know.
i feel like no one sees anything other than my smile but the truth is deep down I'm hurting more than anyone could know.
Thereisnothing
Enlightened
- Jan 4, 2020
- 1,604
Oh that smile...............the clowns smile I call it. I am well known for being happy, cheery and always smiling.............if only they could see beneath hey.............breaks your heart doesn't it.
That's the most frustrating part. And whenever you deice to try and talk people use the fact that you're talking as an excuse to say you're fine. i've always wondered if suicide is the greatest rebellion against world that mistreats you and shows you how little you are worth, but still wants to keep you prisoner so people can take pleasure from your suffering. I want my death to be seen as a shunning of the world.
You couldn't be anymore right...I'm the person that makes people smile...I'm the person who cares about everyone...I'm the person people come to when they need help! Amazing isn't it! What about me? Cause I'm so fed up of being there for everyone else when I'm in such emotional agony I cry for hours. I'm the one who has bought people back from the depths of despair but it started with my mum. Bi polar/alcoholic/abusive/physically/mentally/constantly physically ill/suicidal. I gave her so many reasons to live but all she gave me was reasons to not be here...now I'm warped!Oh that smile...............the clowns smile I call it. I am well known for being happy, cheery and always smiling.............if only they could see beneath hey.............breaks your heart doesn't it.
Just because we tsk doesn't mean we're fine it means we don't want people to notice there's something wrong as they will never understand! I get u
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