How do people find meaning in life? (+venting)

[5nicotine]

Has anyone understood why people want to live so much? Where and how do they find meaning in their life and how is that meaning so strong that it makes them want to push through all the hard things in life? I'm having trouble believing that my life's meaninglessness is just distorted thinking caused by depression. It's not like anything actually matters, but how is that not something everybody believes.

Technically my life is going fine at the moment (with medication and therapy helping a lot). The next three paragraphs are me just opening up and venting so feel free to skip them.

I have friends and the medication is easing my previous (apparently psychotic) beliefs that those friends actually dislike me and everything I do. We set up a system with my best friend for not talking about ctb so she doesn't feel burdened by it and can keep on being my friend (I really hope it will never end. I wouldn't be able to take it).

My body dysmorphia has eased up a bit and I'm feeling more confident that my weight and appearance are normal and that's fine.

I'm in an "intellectually demanding" job doing something I love (math) and it's keeping me entertained and stimulated. It is however also causing me constant stress from feeling lazy and stupid everyday. The goals are very uncertain and the path there is even more uncertain. I'm scared of my advisor even though he's really nice and understanding every time we meet. The only thing in the world I can imagine doing is causing me this constant pain.

So I start to wonder how do some people do it? They have less interesting jobs that are much more demanding than mine and they go through this pain and stress for what? What is the "meaning" that keeps them going and makes their life livable? I'm starting to think misanthropic thoughts that maybe they're just idiots (provably it seems more than half of the US population is). Sure the people who see through this are sad and unable to live, but is depressed thinking pathological? Is it just disordered thinking that can be fixed by therapy or brain chemistry fixable by meds?

I'm really not seeing how I can recover if I can't answer this question. Rationally I'm just not seeing how there's anything more to see in life and why I (or anybody else) would want to live for 50 more years. I'm in the constant feeling that it would be so nice and helpful if I died right now. I'm just waiting for death. I still have my plan and I'm even berating myself for not putting it into action and just getting it over with. Oh how lazy I am.

 

[brazilianairforce]

In my opinion there isn't just one answer that question. I think that everyone has their own reasons to live and they all come from different sources. Some get theirs from their religion, Most that I have talked to live for their families, a few like social interactions and enjoy being around people and some just don't think about it enough. It's not usually something they just decided one day, it's the culmination of multiple years of different experiences that gives us a meaning to live.

 

[KillingPain267]

They don't just find meaning. They are given it or else don't have it. I don't have meaning to my life, I've lost it, so I will have to end my life.

 

[UnnervedCompany]

Sometimes people do not have a meaning or reason but know that it is the best option for their existence so they just persevere. That is basically me rn.

 

[Hollowman]

They're really good at deluding themselves.

 

[ebg]

I don't think people consciously wake up every day and decide whether they want to live or not. I think only when one's quality of life is at a certain level is one able to find meaning in life. I also think there are external pressures from family/close ones to want you to be alive, the idea that there may be nothing after death scares some people, people thinking that suffering is only temporary or that there is always something worth living for that they just haven't discovered yet, not seeing death/suicide as an option (even though it always is), we have constant distractions in front of us that keep us entertained (youtube, facebook, twitter, etc.) for the time being. I think that people also find meaning in life if they feel like they are doing something "good", like being of service to others whatever that may mean to them.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Trying to help others, and thereby also having to improve myself (meditation, health, etc) to be able to do that, changed how I look at life.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Have you played/watched a gameplay of "Detroit become Human"?
I think people live similarly to how androids lived in that game prior to breaking free from their programming. With no need to question whether life has meaning since they're feeling comfortable living and looking forward to doing certain activities the next day/week/month/etc.

I think it's when you reach a point of severe insatisfaction and pain, that you "break free" from that mindset and need a purpose to go on.

If you talk to people about their meaning in life, they'll pick something that resonates the most with them - family, love, work, religion, charity, etc - and run with it. I don't think people ponder very deeply about it or put as much weight on it as maybe we do.

Their lives are progressing well, they're not at a state of misery that makes having a purpose in life so crucial. Whatever is most important to them will be their meaning.

Us on the other hand, we've been considering leaving this life for a long time and need something strong to make enduring this pain and continuing, worth it. It then becomes a loaded question from which the answer may result on life or death. It's incredibly hard to answer and a lot is at stake. I think it's a very different mindset from that of someone who is mentally healthy.

 

[Young.Werther]

Yeah I don't know where people derive meaning. My impression is that "normal people" just don't think about it but I don't really know I guess.

Sure the people who see through this are sad and unable to live, but is depressed thinking pathological? Is it just disordered thinking that can be fixed by therapy or brain chemistry fixable by meds?

I'm interpreting pathological in the dictionary sense here (and not in the sense of unintuitive/unexpected like how the Weierstrass function is pathological … then again the weierstrass function hurts my head). I think "pathological" suggests there's something wrong, but I think sometimes people have reasonable reactions to unreasonable circumstances. And I think there's plenty in the world that one could consider unreasonable circumstances; I think many people don't see it because these things are just normal. I sometimes wonder how you would ever know if you were living in a dystopia: if it were around long enough all the things that one might say are dystopian from first principles are just normal facts of life. I imagine that Atwood's Gilead has normalized handmaids after a generation or two and then people just don't think about it.

Something that might interest you is holocaust literature. Try "Man's Search for Meaning" by Frankl. Should be free online if you look (it also sounds like you're at a university so their library likely has it). I don't know if I found an answer from it but it was interesting reading anyways.

Unrelated: what sort of math do you do?

 

[Regen]

I can understand that so well......

At the moment I'm coping quite well and don't have any active suicidal thoughts. But I still ask myself the question of the meaning of life. Just this morning while walking the dog, I thought about this topic again and, like you, wondered how others can see meaning. I've been asking myself this question for over 30 years.

There is a form of therapy that deals with exactly this, called logotherapy. I myself am most able to understand the ideas of Buddhism, according to which we have to master a certain task in life. Sometimes it may be the task of enduring the meaninglessness or finding meaning in life. Sometimes it helps me to help others or being kind to them to share love and peace in the world.