how do i stop the pain

[M0nolith]

how do i stop feeling ultimate pain and despair, i can no longer stand it. pills and professionals don't help. i no longer have the strength to move my body, or the will to keep going. when i explain how i feel i am either met with judgement, misunderstanding, or panic. it makes me never want to open up. then again what is the point when no one will understand anyways. i don't want to be here anymore. i don't have a purpose. i don't have anything. i do not enjoy life. i am just existing. why is it like this. why do i suffer. why can't i be happy. why is existence so cruel. i don't want to feel the pain anymore. but i can't bear the thought of my mother being alone.

i sob so hard because i can no longer be happy. i feel like i will never be understood. i wasn't always like this. why did i change. why. i miss how i felt before. and i will never get anything back. i'm so ashamed. i'm 10 years old again and just want my mother.

i want to be gentle i want to be graceful i want to be brand new. i hate everything i've done the things i've done why have i done these awful things.

i'm ugly and i wish i knew how to love easier. why do i feel everything so deeply. i wish i wasn't born wrong. i wish that was my fault. i wish i had a say in my faults.

 

[alonely]

the way i see it is that we are a product of our environment. what you see as your faults, aren't your fault. you're doing the best that you can with the hand you were dealt. i wish you the best of luck and i hope your pain can subside, hugs.

 

[KILLING_POSSUM]

I understand the way you feel. I, myself feel like that too often. I apologize for they fact you too have to suffer the awfulness that is life. Best wishes to you, stranger. Hope you can find piece of mind and happiness soon. Much love.

 

[Sichi]

Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you. I, too, am seeking and struggling to find a definite way to stay positive. But there's numbness that came from accepting that life's meaningless and we can never be happy for sure. I think that misery is an inherent human condition. Nevertheless, OP, I wish you stumble upon the answers you seek for. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so dreadful and tiring feeling trapped in that situation, I just see existence as being endless suffering and senseless cruelty all with no deeper reason or purpose behind it, we exist in this reality where people suffer so unnecessarily all through no fault of their own, it's all just so horrible to me. But anyway best wishes.