Venting How do I stop indulging in such self destructive behaviour with relationships?

[bpdiskillingme]

It's becoming such a common occurrence for me, I keep nit picking everything my partner does such as simple things like, wearing one of my shirts without asking me(he does this a lot and I don't know why it makes me so angry) and taking my vape for too long(he refuses to buy his own vapes but constantly takes mine even though he doesn't have an addiction and I do) and it makes me so angry and it shouldn't, I purposely start arguments so when he gets annoyed at me I have a reason to do some self destructive stuff to myself.. I don't know why I want him to hate me so much I don't know why I seek his negative reactions more than his positive.

I understand This is simple and not a massive amount of self destructive behaviour but it's been eating me from the inside out.

I'm trying to make everyone in my life hate me so I can go through with my plan, I wish I wasn't such a people pleaser that the smallest idea that my passing would hurt somebody makes me feel intense guilt I wish I could explain to people that me going to CTB isn't bad, I need peace. I've been suffering since the day I was born

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

It would be a huge relief if people would just accept that ctb isn't necessarily a bad thing, and actually realise that ctb for most of us is an act of kindness upon ourselves.
It's just as you say, we need peace from suffering.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If you have BPD as your username suggests, did you try DBT? That's what it is supposed to help with even if in practice it can come up short.

I just ask because that's the first line of attack, so to speak.

 

[bpdiskillingme]

If you have BPD as your username suggests, did you try DBT? That's what it is supposed to help with even if in practice it can come up short.

I just ask because that's the first line of attack, so to speak.

Yeah I do, I have tried but unfortunately I've never been able to commit to long time therapy sessions.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yeah I do, I have tried but unfortunately I've never been able to commit to long time therapy sessions.

From what you experienced of it did you find it to be promising at all?

You have to try to have faith that you can adjust your behavior to be able to do so at all. I know it is very hard, all behavioral change is, but hard is not the same.thing as impossible.

 

[bpdiskillingme]

From what you experienced of it did you find it to be promising at all?

You have to try to have faith that you can adjust your behavior to be able to do so at all. I know it is very hard, all behavioral change is, but hard is not the same.thing as impossible.

It was quite beneficial but I feel like I have an awfully fixed mentality that nothing will work. Unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to receive any support from therapists or psychiatrists for a long time with how the UK is with mental health support.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Taking your clothes without permission and hogging your vape wound upset anybody, borderline or not. If you have brought up these things with them, how has he responded?

 

[bpdiskillingme]

Taking your clothes without permission and hogging your vape wound upset anybody, borderline or not. If you have brought up these things with them, how has he responded?

Haha it kinda sounds petty to me when I read it out what I was so annoyed about but Unfortunately my partner does not react to it well. It causes huge arguments, I get really irritated really easily and he does not take me seriously, but in 99% of our arguments he expects me to apologise even if it was his fault. There's a lot of behaviours I dislike with my partner but I can't do anything about it. I'm stuck living with them for another 10 months but even then I don't think I could even leave them.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Haha it kinda sounds petty to me when I read it out what I was so annoyed about but Unfortunately my partner does not react to it well. It causes huge arguments, I get really irritated really easily and he does not take me seriously, but in 99% of our arguments he expects me to apologise even if it was his fault. There's a lot of behaviours I dislike with my partner but I can't do anything about it. I'm stuck living with them for another 10 months but even then I don't think I could even leave them.

It's not petty to be upset about those kinds of actions. They're probably not worth starting a huge argument but it takes two to tango.

 

[figurehead]

Yeah I do, I have tried but unfortunately I've never been able to commit to long time therapy sessions.

To me at least, it sounds like self-destructive behaviour (btw I also can't take therapy, I've had the same psychiatrist for ages and we kind of deal with it) I'm bipolar myself. Thing is, I might be totally wrong, but people don't really miss you because of one or two things you did to than, that's my experience. I know this doesn't help, but that's how I've learned with similar situations. Once I pushed my best friend ever away, first by being utterly horrible and then just ignoring. I caused her lots of pain, but she didn't just stopped liking me. When I met my partner for months I rejecter him and tried to scare him with scars and horror stories about my part. At some point he did crack. up, but I'm sure if I had died then, he wouldn't just hate me.