Help How do I stop harming myself

[ilistentoradiohead]

I did self harm again. It never bleeds, but the scars are so red that I have to put on my sweater everytime I'm outside because I don't want other people to see them. I don't want my friends to see it as well, I'm scared of what will happen if they do. They're nice people, but I just don't want to make them worry.

Everytime I'm done cutting myself I feel so fucking gross and disgusted by myself because how tainted I am. Back then I swore to myself I will never harm myself because I don't want to have scars on my body, and I want to be clean. But look at myself now. My arm is almost completely covered in angry red scars- just a half bit more then it will be completely covered, and I don't want that to happen. Self harming has become a habit for me lately- whether it is to cope from the bad things happening in my life or an addiction that I can't stop doing. I don't want to see just scars on my left arm everytime I look at it, I fucking hate it. I feel so disgusted with myself to the point I hate looking at myself in the mirror but I have to anyway.

I want to stop doing it so I don't have to feel the immense amount of guilt and disgust everyday. I don't want to make myself worse each day because I'm already so fucking awful.

How do I stop? I want to stop but I couldn't and I'm so confused. I even pasted a note on my wall to remind myself not to do it but I keep doing it anyway. I want to throw my cutter away but I don't want to. Can someone please give me an insight?

 

[Ash]

I'm completely the wrong person to ask in terms of stopping SH but I do know that whenever I've successfully come to terms with my unhealthy eating habits/ disorderly eating and got into healthy routines, I haven't done so alone.

I don't know where you live but there are usually a lot of groups, helplines and online networks for people struggling with self harm. I'd strongly encourage you to get both professional support and that of your peers as both play an important role. Furthermore, I'd suggest that this site, or at least the Suicide Discussion side, might not be a great place for you to hang out as there's a lot of discussion about self harm that you might find triggering.

Good luck and I really hope you can make it work

 

[ilistentoradiohead]

I'm completely the wrong person to ask in terms of stopping SH but I do know that whenever I've successfully come to terms with my unhealthy eating habits/ disorderly eating and got into healthy routines, I haven't done so alone.

I don't know where you live but there are usually a lot of groups, helplines and online networks for people struggling with self harm. I'd strongly encourage you to get both professional support and that of your peers as both play an important role. Furthermore, I'd suggest that this site, or at least the Suicide Discussion side, might not be a great place for you to hang out as there's a lot of discussion about self harm that you might find triggering.

Good luck and I really hope you can make it work

Thank you so much. I have tried contacting hotlines in my country but everytime it connected I would immediately hang up because I'd get too scared to talk through the phone, but either way I'm going to try again. Exams are coming up and I'm afraid I might be doing bad stuff due to stress but I will try my best to get a hang of myself.

Once again thank you, it means a lot to me

 

[willitpass]

I did self harm again. It never bleeds, but the scars are so red that I have to put on my sweater everytime I'm outside because I don't want other people to see them. I don't want my friends to see it as well, I'm scared of what will happen if they do. They're nice people, but I just don't want to make them worry.

Everytime I'm done cutting myself I feel so fucking gross and disgusted by myself because how tainted I am. Back then I swore to myself I will never harm myself because I don't want to have scars on my body, and I want to be clean. But look at myself now. My arm is almost completely covered in angry red scars- just a half bit more then it will be completely covered, and I don't want that to happen. Self harming has become a habit for me lately- whether it is to cope from the bad things happening in my life or an addiction that I can't stop doing. I don't want to see just scars on my left arm everytime I look at it, I fucking hate it. I feel so disgusted with myself to the point I hate looking at myself in the mirror but I have to anyway.

I want to stop doing it so I don't have to feel the immense amount of guilt and disgust everyday. I don't want to make myself worse each day because I'm already so fucking awful.

How do I stop? I want to stop but I couldn't and I'm so confused. I even pasted a note on my wall to remind myself not to do it but I keep doing it anyway. I want to throw my cutter away but I don't want to. Can someone please give me an insight?

l am in a similar boat as @Ash and don't have much advice for you, but I agree that the recovery section might be a good help. They have lots of resources and worksheets as well as a larger population of people who have/are trying to stop themselves. I hope you're able to overcomes it, it's a horrible thing. I wish you well.

 

[wisteria3]

I'm so sorry you are going through this :( I've had urges to cut as well, but generally haven't followed through so I've never become addicted to it. I think coping mechanisms for stopping depend on your reasons for doing it. For example if it's the pain you're seeking (especially to distract from emotional pain, or to punish yourself), you could try snapping rubber bands on your arm, which causes similar pain without leaving scars. Or you could hold ice in your hands for a while, which eventually becomes pretty painful. I guess these aren't "healthy" coping mechanisms, but "healthier" and may be what you need right now.

 

[Ash]

I've just had a thought about a technique that was supposed to help me with distress tolerance. It hasn't so far as that's where I'm at but it has been great when I get occasional flare ups of a skin complaint if I come into contact with something that makes me itch as though my skin's on fire.

The technique is Opposite Action.

• I want to scratch.
• Instead I soothe the affected area with the prescribed cream that both treats and cools and within minutes the angry red bumps fade.

I'm not saying this would work but maybe try using moisturiser or something to look after your skin instead of attacking it? Just a thought.

I hope your exams aren't too hideous x

 

[LaughingGoat]

I've just had a thought about a technique that was supposed to help me with distress tolerance. It hasn't so far as that's where I'm at but it has been great when I get occasional flare ups of a skin complaint if I come into contact with something that makes me itch as though my skin's on fire.

The technique is Opposite Action.

• I want to scratch.
• Instead I soothe the affected area with the prescribed cream that both treats and cools and within minutes the angry red bumps fade.

I'm not saying this would work but maybe try using moisturiser or something to look after your skin instead of attacking it? Just a thought.

I hope your exams aren't too hideous x

Opposite action is a decent technique for some people, just it's worth noting that any distraction technique is to get through the moment. The majority of the work to deal with addictions long-term will include delving into the root causes, adjusting the way you think, and committing to the changes you make. Of course I don't say that to make it sound easy or quick, it's a long process but absolutely doable for someone like yourself who wants to change.

 

[Forveleth]

I agree with what's been said that the recovery section might be the better place to ask this. However, I've been looking into some of these techniques, and I know it sounds lame, but genuinely breathing exercises are some of the best things you can do. They have done studies and found that when people have heightened emotions, doing the opposite is actually the best thing you can do. So breathing exercises, calm stretches, yoga, things like that. It forces your brain to slow down and put your body in a calm state to where you don't feel like you need to take such drastic measures.